Walk date was Valentines Day… please tell me its worth it?

posted 4 months ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
671 posts
Busy bee

Bee. You posted 2 years(!!) ago that you were at the end of your rope with this.

He told you years ago point blank he does not want to marry you. You foolishly moved back in with him without a ring and a wedding date all because he threw a man-trum and cried his way back in your arms

You then wasted another 2 years with him. Trust me on this one:

It’s not happening. Ever. Not with this guy.

He will NEVER marry you. He even bought a ring and he still can’t bring himself to do it. Because he DOES NOT WANT TO

Move on with your life already. Stop pissing your time away

Walking away is your only option at this point. Of course it’s worth it- this loser you’ve been tying yourself to is clearly not worth it. Fuck him for leading you on with the “I changed my mind! I’ll propose in 6 months! …NYE! …V Day!”…for 2 years. What an asshole 

Post # 3
Member
465 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

He’s had the ring for over a year. Walking away is worth it. 

Post # 4
Member
421 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2019

marlamallow :  Exactly this. If someone is really going to propose, they don’t hang onto the ring for a year. This guy seems pretty set on never getting married. 

Post # 5
Member
151 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I’m so sorry Bee. You’re doing the right thing. Keep us posted. Hugs

 

Post # 6
Member
1048 posts
Bumble bee

   katherinenicc :  only you can determine when you’ve had it. I went through a similar situation,  twice. 

I really do believe we are training men that they can have all the benefits of marriage without the committment. Now, we are weird, wrong, needy, pointless, to want to be married. 

The fact is if he wanted to marry you, he would. Don’t make excuses for him. Tons of people come from broken homes. Bad jobs, get in car wrecks. It doesn’t mean life stops and you never face it. 

It may be he feels a shit ton of pressure now. Why does he feel that? Because it’s not something he wants!  A bee said on here, “if someone offered you a million dollars, would you say no? “

You are the million dollars and he has said no. He only makes attempts when forced to appease you. 

I know ultimatums suck. But I would make one last attempt. I would ask him. Can we get engaged today please?  Nothing dramatic. If he says no and hums n haws, eff it. He has the ring and is out of excuses. 

 

Just my jaded opinion lol . Be strong woman. 

Post # 8
Member
1048 posts
Bumble bee

katherinenicc :  he is not the love of your life if he rejects you. I’m sorry hun. He is refusing to accept  you 100 percent and he is putting you in agony. That is not love. Love is not selfish. It is a verb 

Post # 9
Member
1142 posts
Bumble bee

Uhh leave like yester year. Seriously, there is someone out there who isn’t afraid to commit and would be DYING to marry you. Not this guy though. Sounds like whatever happened with his parents really scarred him for life and there is no changing that. It’s part of who he is. You either stay and accept that he will never marry you or you leave and look for someone who isn’t so afraid of marriage.

Post # 10
Member
333 posts
Helper bee

 Try and think of this as finally freeing yourself to meet someone who does want to marry you.  If you want tot start a family, it’s good that you are getting out sooner rather than later.  There are many wonderful men out there.  You don’t have to hold yourself back from your dreams.

Post # 11
Member
22 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2021

This is probably not going to be anyone’s favorite opinion.

Bee I think I went trough a pretty similar situation. We got together mid 2014. Moved In late 2015 and started talking about marriage after moving in. We went through a really rough patch for about a year and a half because living with each other was difficult. There were a lot of changes in our lives like him adjusting to a new culture, opening a new business, me dealing with depression. He wasn’t the best boyfriend for a while and to be honest I wasn’t very mature either. We made it out of the horrible place and I started becoming anxious about there being no proposal yet after a while. We looked at rings at few times but no purchases. We bought a house together at the end of 2017 and this calmed my nerves for a while because I saw that he was making a commitment. In March 2018 he bought the ring and for the rest of the year we fought countless times about him holding on to the ring. I nagged about how it was ruined by him waiting for so long and there was nothing that could be done because I wouldn’t see it as something special since I had to nag so much. I communicated my feelings and explained the deep pain I was in. It took a few times for him to understand and once he did something just clicked. He said he didn’t know it was causing me so much pain and he thought I was just annoyed. I did tell him that I was getting close to my breaking point and that I couldn’t wait forever because I wanted to start a family but I didn’t give him a deadline or threaten to leave. He proposed 3 weeks ago and it was so damn special. I couldn’t have asked for a sweeter and more special day. And he couldn’t have been more excited and happy about it. He’s has been on cloud 9 since. He couldn’t wait to announce it to the world and send pictures to all his friends and family. We talked about why it took so long and a lot had to do with what he thought were my expectations and him not thinking it would be good enough. It was also him procrastinating out of anxiety. This was all very inconsiderate to me. I know a year is a long time to wait and it’s not ok. It’s hurtful and cruel. He understands that and feels awful about it. I don’t know your exact situation and I can’t pretend to know from just a few paragraphs But maybe you have a happy ending waiting for you too? I’ll be honest, there’s a little sting in my heart because it took so long but i think nothing in life is perfect. We aren’t perfect and I can’t expect him to be either. I’m sure he wishes I would be more supportive with him about work and more understanding but I’m not, yet it’s something I’m working on. It’s all a learning process. I know day by day he becomes a better man and I become a better woman as well. 

Post # 12
Member
3238 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

He told you he didn’t want to get married. You chose to believe him when he decided he’d miraculously changed his mind at the exact same time you decided to end the relationship. Then he went on to let his actions show that he doesn’t want to get married. He is happy with your relationship as it is and isn’t looking to changes things. In his mind, everything is perfect and he doesn’t see what getting married will add to the relationship. 

So I ask, what do you think getting married to a man you had to force into it will do for you and you’re self esteem? Because someone who wants to get married will take the necessary steps to do stop without having to be poked and prodded about it for over a year. Getting married isn’t supposed to be this hard. There is someone out there is would love nothing more than to plan the perfect proposal for you, you just have to free yourself of this dead weight to find him. You’re only other option is to stay in this relationship and not get married. 

Post # 13
Member
603 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

I’m sorry bee, action speaks louder than words. He’s had the ring for a year and still hasn’t proposed to someone he claims to be the “love of his life”. You deserve so much better. Be strong!

Post # 14
Member
1773 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

katherinenicc :  yeah, basically what everyone else said.

Also consider this: even if he did propose (which I think he just can’t bring himself to do) how will you feel about that? Don’t bother asking, I will tell you: you will feel like he only did it because you made him, like his heart is not in it and like it’s empty. This feeling will continue up to the wedding because likely he will be the biggest bummer dragging along the wedding planning and basically telling you in actions how much he doesn’t want this. 

Honey, I have been there. I have been with someone who didn’t want to marry me and strung me along for 11 years. I have also been there with someone who didn’t want to get married, also because of ugly childhood divorce but he married me anyway because he didn’t want me to miss out on something important and a life goal because of his hangups. He took control of his own crap. He also wouldn’t have promised to marry me if he didn’t mean it. Because he’s not a selfish jerk. He would have remained honest with me and quite honestly, being a man of his word as I know him to be: he would have let me go and find that happiness in marriage with someone else rather than break a promise and break my heart. That is love. 

What your guy is doing is selfish. He should let you go to find the kind of happiness you are looking for in marriage. Since he doesn’t want to part with you, but won’t give you the future you want then you basically HAVE TO LEAVE. And that sucks. HE has ruined your relationship with dishonesty, not with not marrying you. 

Sadly the ship has sailed. YOu have made clear that you absolutely need marriage and he has shown that he can’t keep his word or be an honest partner. There’s no coming back from that. 

Basically, it’s not worth it to stay. So yes. Go! Go find that joy! 

Post # 15
Member
334 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

Having the ring for over a year with no action?! Yes, walking away is worth it. Walk away and find a man who loves you so much he cannot wait to make you his wife and proposes with enthusiasm not delay xxx 

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