Walk date was Valentines Day… please tell me its worth it?

posted 4 months ago in Waiting
Post # 31
Member
1832 posts
Buzzing bee

Tatum :  Honestly it is just so dissapointing to me how unaware men are about how cruel it is to waste a woman’s time. It really seems that men have this grey area where they love a woman but know they would never marry her, but have no motivation to end the relationship because they are self-satisfied for the moment in that relationship. 

I often wonder what is going on there. Is it pure selfishness with these guys? Do they know what they are doing and deliberately keep doing it? Are men just head in the clouds about the fact that women don’t have as long to have children and thus wasting their time can be pretty devastating to a woman? Just kind of at a loss about it. Guess all I can do on my end is if I have any sons, make sure they understand how its not ok to stay in a relationship you know isn’t headed toward committment. Just so sad. 

Matthew Hussey even made a video about it once. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nIgB5ndDVV4

Post # 32
Member
762 posts
Busy bee

I’m so sorry Bee, but you know you have to go.

If you want marriage, and want to be married to someone who also wants to commit themselves to you in the same way, you have to go.

To be honest, you’re really brave even just contemplating it – but now for your own sake you have to commit and bite the bullet. It will be hard, but if he can’t / won’t give you what you need you will be grateful you did in the long term.

Post # 33
Member
3875 posts
Honey bee

I normally do not read posts under “waiting” but you need to get yourself some New Balance shoes, put them on and never look back.

katherinenicc :  

Post # 34
Member
3341 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

You’ve spent years agonizing over this. It’s absolutely time to walk. Get your life back, Bee! Your life with this man is not what you need or deserve. I’m so excited for you to be single and finally be able to think about something other than the ring in the damn dresser. And I’m excited for you to find a man who will truly respect you and whose actions show it. 

I know your boyfriend loves you. But he’s also been a cruel, dismissive liar for years! Do not forgive that. Do not go back. When you leave, I’m sure the ring will finally make an appearance. Do not accept it. Be strong and leave him, even though staying feels easier.

Post # 35
Member
1838 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Don’t let that one post from a bee who waited years and finally, finally got her proposal sway you. The majority of the bees have posted the same thing, because you’ve wasted YEARS of your life with a man who told you from the very beginning that he doesn’t want to get married. And no matter how bad he proclaims his parent’s divorce to be, that’s an idiotic reason not to get married. If he doesn’t want to get married, that’s fine and his prerogative. He even was honest upfront. What makes him a jerk is that when you left, he began to lie to keep the status quo he had gotten comfortable with. 

Post # 36
Member
2169 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

ladyjane123 :  Perhaps the guys in this situation honestly hope they will just wake up one morning and feel differently, and therefore can justify it to themselves, but at the end of the day, they are sacrificing their girlfriend’s happiness and peace of mind for their own. Not a good quality in a long term partner.

Post # 37
Member
275 posts
Helper bee

You’re doing the right thing. The way you describe him, it sounds like he loves you but I’m not sure he does. What he is doing is so selfish and self-serving I’m more inclined to believe he’s trying to appease you. He wants you to stay and he’s blinding you with all his forced “kindness” hoping you’ll forget the end goal. 

He doesn’t intend to marry you and stringing you along the way he has, is nothing but cruel.

Post # 38
Member
884 posts
Busy bee

Bee run and never look back. He doesn’t respect you or your time. I was in a similiar situation where I was frustrated in the waiting period and he eventually cam around. It does/can happen with the right communication, timeline settings, and boundaries. But 2 years??? Boy bye.

My husband has a friend who was with her live in boyfriend for over 10 years. He never wanted to marry her. And she was miserable. You can feel her energy everytime we were around them. Finally she hit her breaking point and left. Its been about three years and since then she has purchased a home and has a new boyfriend and I have never seen her so happy. 

What he is doing to you isn’t fair. Its actually cruel. You deserve better and you are doing the right thing. Don’t allow him to waste anymore of your prime time. 

Post # 39
Member
902 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Unfortunately I also have to agree that it is the right thing in this particular case.

I’m so sorry bee…. what he’s done to you is totally unfair but there has to come a time when you say enough is enough, and that time is now.

Even *if* you had another chat and he FINALLY proposed, it will never be quite right because you basically had to force him to do it.  Someone who loves, respects and chooses you fully would never make you go to such lengths…. lengths he’s likely to resent you for down the road.  

Post # 40
Member
560 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

At this point, it’s not even about whether he will marry you. He’s a selfish liar who doesn’t care about your feelings. Why would YOU want to marry HIM anymore?

I’m sure this is hard and painful, but you are doing the absolute best thing.

Post # 41
Member
603 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2020

He is either cruel for lying about his intention to marry you for years or so lazy and useless that it takes him years to get a ring and plan a proposal. Neither option sounds like someone you would want for a husband. 

Post # 42
Member
3515 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

Awe, bee, this is so painful. I’m so sorry you’re going through this! He has had 6.5 year to propose without any pressure, an entire YEAR while he had the ring… he chose not to. He has many excuses but it all boils down to him knowing this was tearing you up inside and CHOOSING to not make your needs a priority. Will you ever be able to trust him to do what he says he’ll do again? For your own sanity, you know you need to walk. It will be really hard but you know you deserve better than a man who lies to you and makes excuses to not fix the things in your relationship that are actively causing you pain. I’m so sorry, but I promise that keeping your self-respect and walking away from something that is hurting you is never a waste.

Post # 43
Member
406 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

katherinenicc :  Honestly, at this point even if he were to propose I wouldn’t want to accept because it’s so evident that he does not ACTUALLY want to propose he would likely only be doing it to “shut you up”, and I’m sure you would not want that. He seems like the type that even if he did propose you two would end up simply engaged for years on end, why? because he clearly does not want marriage. Hun, you deserve so much more and your heart is telling you the right thing to do. I believe there is a man out there somewhere who would be ecstatic to marry you, work on finding him. It won’t be easy, but it will surely be worth it.

 

Good luck.

Post # 44
Member
741 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

katherinenicc :  Bee, the love of your life would NOT treat you like this!

My fiance and I may disagree passionately on things but he never wants to see me hurt. I dont do it maliciously but if I cry when we fight its like everything else in the world stops and he wants to do whatever he can to make things right because he hates seeing me upset.

Im so sorry he has lied to you for years. That is mean and hurtful and unfair. You are right to feel heartbroken and you are right to leave.

Leaving is hard, but its the first step to meeting THE ONE. This guy is not it, and every day you stay with him is a day longer you wait to meet the love of your life.

I wasted SEVEN YEARS. Bought a house, had a child. I gave it all for a man like yours. Finally left and eventually met my fiance who within 6 months confessed he couldnt wait to marry me, and proposed on our 1 year anniversary. But aside from the ring he is my best friend and favorite person. Hes definitely a 1000x better partner for me, but I could have never imagined it when I was still mentally stuck with my ex for fear of him being “the one” (he wasnt).

Move on with your life, you deserve and will find so much more!!

Post # 45
Member
8 posts
Newbee

Oh bee, I am so sorry you are going through such a heart wrenching situation. I am sending you love and stregth as you make your next move. You WILL find someone who would never dream of agonizing you in this way. It may be hard to imagine now, but the day will come when a wonderful man cannot think of doing anything but making you his true life partner by marriage. Take this transition as a time to be kind to yourself and focus on number one: YOU. 

 

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