Walk date was Valentines Day… please tell me its worth it?

posted 8 months ago in Waiting
Post # 91
Member
3038 posts
Sugar bee

 

katherinenicc :  Oh man… your post made my heart hurt…

 I hope you are doing OK since you got back in town!

Post # 92
Member
6146 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

katherinenicc :  Any update, OP? I’ve been looking forward to hearing that you followed through and went to a friend’s place and you’re ready to make the dumping stick and truly move forward this time.

I hope you’re doing well. It’s hard to start over after so many years in a certain situation. But it’s much better than remaining there for another 2 or 5 or 10+ years.

Post # 93
Member
138 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: City, State

katherinenicc :  I totally get how you feel. I had to wait a long time too. It’s awful! You start doubting everything and asking what the point is. The important thing is to communicate how far your willing to go on like this and follow through with what you tell him. He will try and convince you to extend the boundary, because it’s in his best interest. You need to think about what’s in your best interest. Take some time to rediscover yourself. Learn a new hobby or focus on work, get more active or spend time with friends. Go out and meet new people, not just possible romantic partners. Maybe one day he will decide to give you that ring. I’m just saying that right now he knows he is your only option. If he sees you living your life without him and doing fine at it, he will start to feel he is missing out on something. And if he doesn’t feel that way, he really isn’t the one for you and that’s his problem.

Post # 95
Member
1114 posts
Bumble bee

She hasn’t posted, so I’m assuming she’s staying with him and doesn’t want to come back to tell anyone. 

Post # 96
Member
2232 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

strawberrysakura :  That’s what I was thinking too. I’d put money on him asking her for another extension and her granting it.

Post # 97
Member
1114 posts
Bumble bee

Tatum :  Yep. Most advice goes unheeded. People need to make their own mistakes. It just sucks because she said she already posted about this and stayed, and she’s making the same choice again. I hope it’s the right one for her. 

Post # 98
Member
2232 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

strawberrysakura :  Sadly, if we are keeping score, she posted a time between her two posts that her second walk date was coming up, and then she deleted it, likely because she was getting a hard time for blowing off her first walk date. So, this post actually marks her third walk date that she didn’t follow through with walking (if she did indeed stay, which I guess we don’t know). 

Post # 99
Member
1114 posts
Bumble bee

Tatum :  Really? Yes, we don’t know, but I always kind of assume that’s what happened when people don’t update. If she had left, she would be here posting about how it was so hard and would need support. If she had gotten engaged, she would be here posting a story about that. So the only thing I can think of is that she didn’t walk and is feeling ashamed. I think bees are too harsh sometimes. It’s her life, and if she thinks it’s worth it…well, she bears the consequences, positive or not, right?

Post # 100
Member
2232 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

strawberrysakura : It is a lot easier to tell someone to leave an unfulfilling relationship than to actually leave, this is true. But it’s usually still solid advice.

 

 

Post # 101
Member
577 posts
Busy bee

I hate posters who ask for help and ghost their own post!

Post # 102
Member
1114 posts
Bumble bee

Soon2BMrsFredericks :  Well, I guess it has to be hard to come back to a board and tell people that despite knowing better, and despite their advice, you are making what you know to be a wrong choice because of feelings. I think most of us are guilty of making wrong choices before and we didn’t have to actually go and tell a bunch of strangers about it and risk getting dumped all over because of it. I don’t blame her or anyone else who does it. I just hope that they find peace. 

Post # 103
Member
2495 posts
Buzzing bee

Hi OP – I really hope you come back and update us all. I really hope you didn’t cave and stay with this guy.

I posted on your previous thread 2 years ago:

It definitely wasn’t this hard for me/us. But I have a very low tolerance for all that drama/tears/back and forth stuff he pulled on you. I would have  been out when he wasn’t sure at year 3/4. And I wouldn’t have been lured back with promises.

But you are where you are…. if you can summon the strength, I think you should leave. But I highly doubt you will.

I would never have wanted to be engaged to someone I wasn’t SURE was thrilled to be engaged to me. My fiance is giddy and excited to be engaged to me – do you think your SO could ever feel that way? Don’t you think you deserve to have your fiance feel that way about you?

When I posted that, my husband and I weren’t even engaged. We had been together a year and a half. Since then, he proposed, we got married and went on our honeymoon, and we got 2 dogs. We are now selling our condo and buying a house, going to start TTC in 2 months. 

And you… have been waiting in agony for this asshole to propose. You are in THE EXACT SAME PLACE 2 years later.  

Doesn’t that bother you? Look. If it’s fear of starting over, don’t let that make your decisions for you. On my 30th birthday, I was rock bottom. Single, terrible job, terrible finances, sure I was a failure at life and no one would ever want me. 2 days before my 31st birthday, I met Darling Husband, and I’ve been soaring ever since. In just a few years your entire life can change and turn entirely around.

Or. You can stagnate and drift in miserable circles with one promise-breaking asshole and get no closer to your goal of marriage and children. 

I reall yhope your found the strength to follow through with your plan. The only way I can see it wokring, though, is if you go No Contact with this guy. His selfish, weak weasling knows no bounds.  

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