Post # 16
azpilot61 : Agree with all PP’s, but you mentioned that your daughter’s mother works for the bank so she wants to control your daughter’s finances?? If your daughter still talks to you, but not about the wedding, I’d suggest she doesn’t do this… it seems like you kind of have to sit back and watch the relationship fail, but you do also need to help her when (I think it’s not too harsh to assume when, not if?) that happens- but this way she might be able to stand on her own two feet when it happens.
Just my 2c 🙂
Post # 17
azpilot61 : You guys seem like good parents for trying to help, but at some point I do believe your words will only go so far. I agree you should cut them both off and let them face reality the hard way. You did what you can and advised your daughter to follow her dreams. It’s up to her now whether she wants to come to term with reality or keep going down the path she’s going. I hope it all works out for you.
Post # 18
azpilot61 : your daughter and her Fiance both sound very immature. The Future Mother-In-Law sounds like an absolute nightmare. Now you have no choice but to step back and see how it all plays out. Do let your daughter know you are there to provide emotional support.
Post # 19
Wow sorry that this big mess is happening. They are obviously not ready to get married, especially if they are relying on you to pay for it. I understand youoffered but after everything that went down, he has the nerve to ask you for money to elope? And now since you said no they are getting married without you and your wife being invited. No no no. They can go and get married and it probably won’t end well but you’ve done all you can do. She has to make her own mistakes. You aren’t in the wrong at all.
Post # 20
Honestly your daughter’s Fiance sounds emotionally abusive and manipulative. Some day she’ll realize how horrible she’s been to you. Sounds awful, but all you can do is wait for her to become strong enough to walk away from this relationship and be there for her when she does. She’ll never leave him if he makes her feel like he’s the only one who cares about her and he’s doing that by throwing a wedge between her and her parents/her support system.
I agree 100% with autumn18, the only way people survive relationships like that are by having loving parents/a support system that never gives up on them.
Post # 21
Take all the money you were going to spend on the wedding and set it aside for her eventual divorce..
see if you can get the bride’s mother to talk to her about NOT letting her Future mother in law manage her finances.. I’m seeing a very serious potential for theft and ruin.
I am so sorry that this is happening to you, I’m sure you are completely heart broken. Just make sure that your door is open to your daughter when she needs you (she will) but don’t spend a penny on this wedding. Let her know you love her and that you are always there, but that your decision regarding the wedding is final
Post # 22
azpilot61 : Yikes, I am sorry to hear all of this. It sounds like the grooms mother doesnt want them to get married. It also sounds like a terrible mistake if he is only working part time and his mom has to take care of his financials. He’s 31 not 15. That’s a problem. Sadly I think what your daughter did to you and your wife is unforgiveable. I would not be giving them a dime. She wants to act like an ungreatful child, let her suffer like one. (no offense). It sounds like she is throwing her dreams away for a guy and that is very sad. If she wants to become a nurse then she should do that and worry about getting married later. Why the rush on their part? Again for their age, why are you guys even paying for the wedding? My Darling Husband and I are both 32. Engaged at 30 and we paid for our wedding ourselves. Our home we bought, we paid for ouselves. We both work very hard for everything we have. It angers me when chidlren get hand outs (again, no offense. You are being a great parent) and they dont apprecaite or respect their parent. I hope your daughter gets some sense knocked into her and she realizes how shitty she was to you guys and she dumps her loser boyfriend. Again, if he had an issue be a man not a 15 year old with written a long message. Pick up a phone or talk to you face to face. Aye!! Good luck.
Post # 23
azpilot61 : sorry about your situation.
Her Fiance n his mom sounds terrible and too low to ask you for money.
You should talk to your daughter separately and tell her you want the best for her, she can do what she wants but you strongly feel that she should not continue in this toxic relationship.
Post # 24
You both seem like amazing and understanding parents, I feel that your daughter will come to terms and stop this mess (hopefully!) soon. As for the future Mother-In-Law, she sounds incredibly manipulative. Controling her adult son’s finances and plans to control your daughter’s as well?!? FMIL may be dealing with some deep rooted attachment issues. I’m sure your daughter will come to her senses…whatever they are telling her to make her behave this way is concerning. Wish you the best of luck
Post # 25
Wow thanks for all the kind supporting replies. Yes its been hard on me for sure since I had wanted to give her the wedding she wanted. Unfortantly she is going through like or not and there is no stopping this. Even the wedding dates have no meanding for either one of them but more for her and her grandfather… Which I thought the wedding date was more for bride and groom.
Either way, we are in the back seat. Not doing a darn thing to help them any further or at this point talk to them. She has made her mind up to follow him no matter what so I wish them luck on whatever happens.
As for the money, Wife and I have are taking a nice relaxing cruise during Thanksgiving with it! and the rest goes to Cruise #2 next year. If they really want to be on their own I have no problem with that, they find a way to make it work and find a way to pay for whatever it is they want.
On a side note, I did try one last time to offer them a honeymoon cruise They refused, didn’t want the help since I wasn’t giving them the money to elope or get married.. Oh well, can’t say we didn’t try.
Post # 26
What ungrateful brats. I’d wash both of my hands of them. She, the fiancé and mother in law are all equally to blame for this drama. Let her have what she wants. A life full of misery and drama that she created for herself. And what kind of ppl their ages ask for other ppl to pay for a wedding? They have messed up priorities. I wish you much fun on your cruises.
Post # 27
azpilot61 : yes! Go out and enjoy yourselves!!! You’ve done more than enough to try to help them but thy are just being spiteful. So go and enjoy a cruise with your hard earned money!
Post # 28
You and your wife are great parents. You have given this situation your all. Do not reach out to your daughter, do not ever give them a dime. Let them see for themselves how hard life is going to be for them. She is marrying what sounds like a mama’s boy and she will have to find another source to cry to when future problems arise.
I was this girl to a certain extent. People who knew who I was dating when I was 21 told me to run from that guy. I was sick and tired of being told what to do. So, I ignored everyone and married that man. It was the biggest mistake of my life! He was horrible; he lied, secretly did drugs, and physically abused me. I do not blame anyone but myself. I should have listened to the people who cared about me because they had my best interest in mind. She will also live to regret this, and when she reaches back out to you to let you know it is over, hopefully you can all start again. Until then, keep your distance and do not allow them to use you.