(Closed) Walked in on boyfriend cheating :(

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
429 posts
Helper bee

First of all, I am so sorry bee! He is such a horrible person I can’t even verbalise how awful what he did you was! It breaks my heart that this happened to you. You sound like a lovely, caring, clever and beautiful woman and he has probably made the biggest mistake of his life! This is in no way a reflection on you. 

Secondly, I remember a post here a while back where another woman worked at the same work place as her ex and it ate away at her. All the bees encouraged her to leave, she was reluctant at first, but she did eventually and it was the biggest step in her healing process. I suggest you do the same and look for another job.

Thirdly, lean on anyone you can – even if it’s us bees. The hive is such a caring and compassionate place and its members have the best ever advice to give you. Come here as much as you need, you will find so many women (and men) here who are happy to support you and keep your distracted.

As for your last question, I’ve never walked in on a guy cheating on me but I have found out I have been cheated on. When I first discovered the news I blamed myself eg. I wasn’t pretty enough, I wasn’t thin enough, didn’t give him enough sex etc. But eventually it clicked that I had been in relationships where the other person was not giving me what I needed and I didn’t cheat on them. Instead I was brave and respectful and ended things with the person because we weren’t right for each other and Someone was out there that suited the both of us better.

Nobody held a gun to his head and forced him to do this, he chose to. And it’s not because you failed him somehow. It’s because he was an immature coward who didn’t have the decency to end things with you. Nothing you did differently would change that – because this isn’t a reflection on you, it’s a reflection on him.

ETA: just read your added note about your pregnancy and work place policy on employment. Scrap my piece of advice and see if your company can transfer for you to a different department that you are qualified to do that doesn’t involve being on the same floor as your ex and this other woman.

Post # 3
150 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

I’m sorry you have to go through this! Thank Goodness you work for what sounds like a fantastic company that will help you through this difficult time. Even though it’s not the best circumstances the best way to get through this is with you and your baby!! It will open you up to a network of new people (mommys and other babies) they will be a fantastic support to you and be able to offer you advice and support. Situations like this make you stronger and I believe that you seem to have a good background to deal with motherhood alone. Speak to your ‘boyfriend’ and tell him that you won’t be moving your job you will continue to work there and that you are prepared to be professional and polite to him at work but beyond that you don’t want any kind of personal relationship. Decide what arrangement you want for the baby – tell him he is welcome to be involved both emotionally and fincancially but you cannot be close to a Person who cannot deal with his emotions

Post # 4
4493 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

View original reply
aliaxyz :  So you are pregnant with his baby and he did this? Disgraceful on his behalf. Sorry Bee.

Post # 5
8279 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

View original reply
aliaxyz :  Oh honey  -you poor thing this is terrible. Is the baby his? If so can you not go to your manager and explain the sitation and get moved at work or something?

Post # 6
207 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

Wow! I was had to work in the same area as my ex and his new girlfriend. Whenever I saw them apart or together I felt horrible. It made me want to go home and never come back. Hold your head up and be strong for your baby. I can’t believe he did that to you especially when you are pregnant. What a cad! 

Post # 7
5227 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

View original reply
aliaxyz :  

How is the mention of your pregnancy the very last thing in your post? Like it’s an afterthought…

You’re about to be a single mother. But you’re sobbing over a person cheating on you instead.

Bee, I’m sorry he cheated but you have a baby on the way. You need to focus on preparing for a baby, even more so if you’re doing it on your own.

Post # 8
39 posts

I am so confused. Is the baby his?  Or is this relationship less than 9 weeks young? 

Post # 9
1119 posts
Bumble bee

I’m so sorry you have been betrayed. I’m also confused though, the mention of the pregnancy at the end was quite bizarre as I would have thought that was quite a major detail.

– How long have you guys been together?

– Is the baby his and did he know you were pregnant? (sorry if that question sounds rude)

Post # 10
2691 posts
Sugar bee

I think the pregnancy is THE KEY to the entire debacle. If things were fine before the pregnancy and now he has moved on, I’d say he isn’t really interested in having a baby right now and has distanced himself. Either way, of course he has to go which is most unfortunate as you two are tied now for the next 20 years or so. Work is going to be so hard for you now. Don’t quit – you need your healthcare benefits but seeing the two of them together isn’t going to be pleasant or easy. You’ll get through it though. You have something waaaayyyyy better than him coming to you in about 7 months that will make it all worthwhile.  So sorry you’re going through this, Bee.

Post # 12
2691 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
aliaxyz :  He doesn’t really WANT to fix it. He’s basically punking out on fatherhood and using this “affair” as an excuse for you to give him the boot. He totally doesn’t mind that you caught him. You have lots to do now and many decisions to make. Concentrate on those moving forward since he has exited the equation. You can do this.

Post # 13
1416 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Do you want to have this baby?

I am sorry Bee, sounds like you being pregnant made him do some stupid shit that he can’t ever take back and you shouldn’t really forgive anyway. That’s not how adults react to stress etc. Cry as much as you need, it will help you get over him faster. Sending hugs.

Post # 14
1002 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

That’s just so fucking classic

man panics because girlfriend is pregnant, cheats, “oh it was a moment of weakness”

he’s shown you his true character, as well as what kind of a husband and father he would be (aka: a bullshit one)

sit down with your HR rep, ask to move desks, departments and offices. They can’t fire you because you had a relationship with a coworker and got pregnant, and you shouldn’t put your body into distress by seeing this dick now that you’re pregnant.

take care of you, take care of your little one, build a support network or FIND ONE (other than the bee obviously !) 

i hope he got chlamydia. And I hope the woman he cheated on you with does the dirty work of slandering him (which you shouldn’t! Btw… I just hope SHE does, cause someone other than you should)



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