- 4 years ago
Hi bees, long time lurker here but finally I need to spill my heart out. Brief background, my boyfriend and I have been serious for a while now, and he has made it clear to me that he wants to have a life with me, marry me, have kids with me, etc. He said that nobody has ever made him feel this loved or happy before, that I’ve made him a better person than he’s ever been (his friends have confirmed this), that we were compatible in every way and he said that I’m the perfect girl for him.
When he moved to his new apartment a few months ago, he asked me to move in with him, but due to personal circumstances I couldn’t. But he gave me his spare house key anyway and he always referred to the place as ours, and that I was welcome to come over any time.
By The Way we work in the same company, same division but we’re not in the same team, nor have we ever worked together. We sit next to each other and always have lunch together every day (either just two of us or with other colleagues). Our colleagues don’t know about us as we have kept it hush hush. They just think that we’re good friends.
Last week he was a bit off. He didn’t mesage me as frequently as he would, and he was working in a different office building for meetings, so he convinced me that he was just very busy and stressed. On Friday when I told him that I was coming over to his office building to work from there in the afternoon, he didn’t even seem excited to see me. I didn’t hear from him on Friday night, not even a good night.
On Saturday, he didn’t message me at all for the whole day, not even a good morning. I thought he needed some space from getting drained by work during the week, so I ignored him. But I was getting worried in the afternoon so by 3pm I asked him if he’s ok. By the time he replied (which was an hour later), I was already in a cab on my way to his place. He said he was fine, but when I asked if it’s ok if I come over he didnt reply.
When I arrived and opened the his main door, there he was cuddling cosily on the couch with another woman (10years older than him) from our division too! I froze and just said “Hi”, and they said “Hi” back (the woman said it cheerfully as if she was welcoming a guest). I slowly closed the door til it clicked and left the apartment building and slowly walked away as I tried to register what I just saw.
I expected him to chase me straight away but he didn’t even come down until 3-4 minutes later when I was already a few buildings away from his apartment. He apologised and I confronted him what happened exactly and how long has it been happening for. He said that day was the first time, but that he’s been emotionally leaning on her for the last few weeks and that he’s been secretly spending time alone with her outside of work (e.g. going to movies, comedy shows, drinks, etc) though he said nothing physical happened before Saturday.
I am completely heartbroken 🙁 the fact that I caught them cheating was bad enough, but the fact that he’s been betraying me behind my back for a while is what makes it feel worse. I have never been cheated on before, and out of all the men that I’ve been with, he was the last person that I thought could ever do this to me. What he did just overrides all the special times that I thought we had. I don’t even know if he actually loved me and if everything that he said was true about us being perfect together etc, because obviously his actions didn’t match his words.
On Saturday after I confronted him, I broke up with him immediately, yet I felt so numb that I couldn’t even cry. On Sunday though, I couldn’t stop crying nonstop all day. I’ve been crying on and off at work too and felt so sad and hopeless. It makes it harder that both he and the other woman work on the same floor as me (oh he started sitting elsewhere since Monday). And every time I see either of them I get reminded of what I saw on Saturday 🙁
Bees, help me make me feel better please :'( I don’t have a support system or anyone close enough that I can talk about this to (hence that’s why I decided to share it on Weddingbee). Better yet, if any of you has gone through this similar thing, how did you cope and get through it? How long did it take you to completely get over and feel at peace with being cheated on? Honestly I have never felt this level of pain before, and that it feels much worse than my past miscarriage or any family deaths that I’ve been through 🙁
Just an additional note, please don’t advise me to change jobs because right now I’m 9 weeks pregnant and my company provides excellent maternity leave and benefits compared to others in the industry.