Post # 1
hardest decision i have ever had to make. the sadness i am feeling i didnt even know was humanly possible. i expressed my feelings in a letter and we talked together in person about it. the letter was similar to walking letters others have shared here in the past. he didnt take it well and said he sees me as his forever and thought we were on the same page yet he doesnt know when he will be ready to take the leap of faith and get engaged. he wants me to wait but that could be months, years, who knows. he felt completly blindsides by this but this should not have been a surprise. i had no problem opening up my feelings to him on this before. he even set a timeline which wasnt met. we are in our early 30s so it makes it harder. he told me he isnt going to let me go and isnt going to give up on me. at this point i am moving on with my life because i dont want to convince anyone to marry me or take years to decide. i waited patiently for a year for him so i feel like i gave him that respect and plenty of time to decide. and a side note for those who say if i love him why not just be content. because of my christian faith marriage is important to me and i want children and dont feel right doing that outside the bounds of marriage.
Post # 3
@Ashley8200blue: I’m so sorry. As painful as it was, both of you deserve a relationship where your needs are being met
Post # 4
@Ashley8200blue: I’m sorry. What a hard decision to have to make. A year is not really that long though…were you waiting for a proposal for a year or had you only been in a relationship for a year?
Post # 5
we have been together almost 3 yrs. i was waiting for 1 year
Post # 6
@Ashley8200blue: I read your original thread. Good for you for walking. Sounds like he really doesn’t know what he wants, and you deserve better. He gave you a timeline and it sounds like he didn’t stick by it and he doesn’t have clear, actionable reasons on why he doesn’t feel ready. Hope you will start to feel better soon!
Post # 7
@Ashley8200blue: I think you are opening yourself up to find someone who will value you and marriage instead of being stuck with someone who isn’t sure. Good for you! There will be painful, crappy times but they will pass. Best wishes to you!
Post # 8
@Ashley8200blue: I spent 6 years with a guy who wasn’t interested in marriage. It was tough, but I walked. A lot of it had to do with my faith as well. It was so painful, but it was the best decision I ever made.
Several years later, I met and married my husband with in a 3 month span of time. We knew immediately what the Lord had in mind for us. Almost 7 years later, I’m planning a vow renewal so I can marry him again
(((((hugs)))))) You are doing the right thing!
Post # 9
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
Smart woman. In your 30s you don’t have the time to wait around forever and if he doesn’t know after 3 years, it’s most likely not going to happen. I’m glad you stuck to your bottom line and walked even though he told you he still wants you, he just isn’t sure when (I hear this as “if”) he wants to marry you.
Post # 10
@Ashley8200blue: I’m really sorry. He will soon realize what he missed out on. It’s not fair- 3 years/over 30… That’s where I was. I really broke down and gave myself a mental ultimatum. It was going to be hard but it wasn’t fair to me. Luckily, I didn’t have to give an ultimatum or leave but was within months of doing so. Some men need to grow up.
Post # 11
@Ashley8200blue: I am all for women leaving relationships where they are not happy. It is better than waiting, getting the proposal and then getting married to a man who really does not make you happy.
I have left a few dead end relationships and had people wondering why but I am a firm believer that you should not be unhappy in a relationship. Relationships are meant to make you feel good most of the time.
Post # 12
I’m sorry. I walked from an 8-year long relationship and it took a few years but then I met (and married) the love of my life. Someday it won’t hurt so bad, although it will take time.
Post # 13
thanks everyone for the support. i didnt ever picture my life playing out this way. i am extremely hurt as he is my best friend. we did absolutely everything together and had a great relationship. i dont have anything bad to say about him and some lady will be lucky to have him. going ring shopping, talking about our future children and lives together made me so excited. i will never understand why he seemed to not be able to pull the trigger and propose. i asked for honesty and told him its ok to be completely honest whats holding him back and he said he just needs more time and so i still have no clue why. he said he never thought i would leave and believed our love was way to strong to end. i told him in not moving on because ive fallen out of love w him but that im still very much in love w him. i just cant wrap my head around why he isnt proposing. any waiting women in there 30s has to know how incredibly difficult giving 3 yrs to someone. if i wad 25 this may be different.
Post # 14
@Ashley8200blue: Honestly, even if you were 25, its still been 3 years…he should know by now. I know many women here on the Bee like to say “well, ure only (insert age here) years old, you can wait around a bit” but I speak to the contrary. When a man wants to commit to you, neither hell nor highwater will stop him. Thats the kind of love you want, and the kind you deserve. From the sound of your posts, I wouldnt be surprised if he came back beating down your door once he realizes how much he misses you-but then, itll be up to you to decide if you want him back. Don’t beat yourself up over it, and him. You deserve a man who cant wait to give you his heart wholely and fully, and I’m sure you will find it.
Post # 15
@Ashley8200blue: That’s so hard, hon. I’m so sorry. But the fact that you want kids, and you’re in your early thirties, leaves me with no doubt that you did the right thing. If three years wasn’t enough for him to be certain, he might never have been certain. And if being a biological mom is important to you, you no longer have the time to sit around waiting to find out.
Big hugs to you. May the next man you fall in love with be a man who wants to commit to spending the rest of his life with you.
Post # 16
@Ashley8200blue: You’re right you shouldnt have to convince someone to marry you. After 3 years, I think that’s quite a bit of time to figure it out. Very sorry you’re hurting. You will find someone that deserves you. Big hug.