- 7 years ago
- Wedding: May 2013
Let me start off by giving out some facts…
I’m mid-20s, living at home with my parents and mostly willingly. I was to move out about a year ago (pre-engagement) but my mother told me to stop being foolish and live at home, save my money until I’m married because where I live -apartments are expensive for anything decent.
I realize as I’m wedding planning, I’m taking a real hard look at my relationship with my parents. They have offered to contribute to the wedding (50-60% of the budget). I understand, those who pay have a say…
My father is well, my FH says verbally abusive. Today I got screamed at for about 10-15 minues that i’m a “worthless bitch” because I took a minute to find and throw on flipflops before helping her unload the week’s groceries and put them away. It ended after 15 minutes becaue I walked out.
This is a daily occurence…..
I was trying to hold out the next year, living at home to have a nice wedding with enough money saved for a down payment on a condo/small home. By spring 2013 (planned wedding) I could and will have that. A nice start to a new life.
But I can’t deal with my father anymore.
I can’t deal with begin made to feel worthless. the screaming fights, tears, anger, made to feel worthless and depression over it.
I realize my worst fear in planning the wedding is that my father will ruin the entire day. That he will backhand me (like he’s done at my Hs and college graduations), throw a tantrum or scream at me nonstop… and ruin the day.
My FH hates my father. He knows that I once contemplated suicide when young, planning it out and needing emergency care over it.. a note that basiclly told my father (and mother) I was sorry I wasn’t good enough for them.
I wanted… to live meekly at home, have a nice reasonably budgeted wedding and move into a condo/small house with my FH in a little over a year.
My FH and I tonight find ourselves contemplating whether we sit down with my mom, tell her my fears about my father and that we’re politely declining her offered money for the weding. We can either elope or put together a budget affair ($10k) with our money and offered help from the groom’s mother.
Of course if we did this, we wouldn’t be inviting my father.
Would this be wrong?
How can I handle this – avoiding spending months of verbal abuse living with my father while planning a wedding that will simply be a disaster.
….or realize me and my FH won’t have the wedding we really hope and dream for, cut our losses, move out of my house into a small apartment, plan a small budget wedding and.. well.. leave my father out of the picture.
It’s been years (probably since I was 6 or 7) that I actually can recall having a good time with my father. I definitely do not want him walking me down the aisle to give me away (for personal and spiritual reason) or dancing with him.