(Closed) Walking alone…

posted 6 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 3
Member
13074 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Is there another male figure in your life who played an important role for you?  Maybe an uncle, family friend, or grandfather who could stand in for your dad? 

ETA:  Maybe someone who was particularly close to your dad (his best friend or something)!

Post # 4
Member
14494 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Welcome to the Hive! 

Is there another male figure that has been important in you life that might have the honor?  A relative, friend, boss or someone like that?  What about walking down the aisle with your FHs dad?  Maybe you could even have your F/D dance with him.

Post # 6
Member
5475 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

It’s completely ok for you to walk yourself down the aisle if you want to.  It’s also ok for the groom to dance with his mother after you guys have your first dance, then you can carry on the reception as usual.  If you feel awkward about walking yourself down the aisle or skipping the father/daughter dance alltogether, I think @abbie017: ‘s suggestion of having someone who was close to him stand in.  Or if there is an uncle, brother, fatherly-figure in your life, they can walk you down & dance with you as well.  The great thing about this being YOUR wedding is that YOU can decide what parts you want to keep and what parts you want to skip 🙂

Post # 7
Member
13074 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Birdee106:  I saw on Four Weddings a woman who was walked halfway (basically to where the chairs started) by her dad and the rest on her own, to symbolize that family can only get you so far, and you have to do some things on your own.  Maybe you could do something like that.  I don’t tihnk there’s anything wrong with walking by yoruself if you feel more comfortable with that.

Try not to think about it as replacing your dad.  No one will ever replace him in your life, or at your wedding.  Think about it as someone representing your dad, or standing in for him since he can’t be there. 

Post # 8
Member
1271 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I want to walk alone.  I feel very strongly that I am my own person, and not my father’s to give away.  Walk proudly by yourself and know that your father is walking with you in spirit.

Post # 10
Member
4519 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I would walk alone, and I would skip the formal announcement of the “father/daughter dance” and the “mother/son dance.” Your hubby and his mom can still have a dance together, but if it’s not announced, that saves you the painful reminder that your dad has passed away as well as the awkward moment when you have to dance with some other male who’s not your dad (or sit it out!). I think that’s a totally fair compromise.

And btw, I walked alone, for similar reasons (I’m lucky that my dad is alive, but it was complicated for other reasons). It was fine. Try not to stress too much about it. 

Post # 11
Member
5075 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

I would definitely let your Fiance and his mom have their dance.  I understand how painful it is for you, but they deserve to have this.

My brother is walking me down the aisle.  If not for him I would walk alone no problem.

my Future Father-In-Law volunteered to walk with me which I thought was very sweet.

Please remember that the person wouldn’t be replacing your dad.  They would just be with you as you begin your new life.

Post # 12
Member
3081 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Ugh I’m with you. My dad died just over 4 years ago, and every time I think about walking down the aisle alone I get emotional. 

However, I’m very proud of myself that I’m going to do it. And then I get to walk out with my new husband. It sucks…boy does it suck, but at the end of the day I’ll be married to someone that I KNOW my dad would be thrilled about. 

I’m also not close with my mom, and she did ask me two times to walk me down the aisle. Twice I had to decline. I originally thought that I would have my two sisters walk me down, because I’m closer to them than anything, but I realized that would hurt my mom more than I’m willing. I asked Fiance what he thought about walking down together, but he really likes the symbolism of walking in separate and out together. So alone it is!

And as for the father-daughter dance, that makes me so sad too because my dad was a phenomenal dancer and would have loved nothing more than dancing with me then. But it is what it is…and Fiance and his mom are close too. Fiance and I will have our first dance, then he and his mom will…we’ll just skip right over the father daughter part. I still don’t know how we are going to honor him during the day…but for those two items we are decided. 

So I feel you, and I’m so sorry you’re going through this. 

Post # 13
Member
209 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Wait a minute here… Why does it have to be a male “father figure”?  It stinks that you are not close with your family- but if there is someone that you feel acts like a mother or father, they most certainly can be asked to fill this role.

Other than that- just go it alone as a strong, grown, independant woman!

Post # 15
Member
178 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I’m going through the same thing. I haven’t been engaged barely 48 hours and am already dealing with this question. My Future Mother-In-Law just asked me if my dad will be walking with me to which I had to reply “no he passed away 10 years ago.” It stung to tell her that but also because it’s strange that she didn’t already know that, but anyway. She mentioned my Future Father-In-Law could walk me but I let her know that I think I would prefer to walk alone. I know I will be sad about it, but I plan to wrap my daddy’s military dog tags around my bouquet and remember that he is with me as I walk.

Post # 15
Member
178 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I’m going through the same thing. I haven’t been engaged barely 48 hours and am already dealing with this question. My Future Mother-In-Law just asked me if my dad will be walking with me to which I had to reply “no he passed away 10 years ago.” It stung to tell her that but also because it’s strange that she didn’t already know that, but anyway. She mentioned my Future Father-In-Law could walk me but I let her know that I think I would prefer to walk alone. I know I will be sad about it, but I plan to wrap my daddy’s military dog tags around my bouquet and remember that he is with me as I walk.

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