Post # 48
@This Time Round: I agree, for many it does come with age. When I was 20 something I was way too concerned with who would want me and for how long. Now it’s take me as I am or go away and don’t waste my time while you’re doing it. Ha. After being in a relationship and living together for a year, what doesn’t he know about me? I mean sure, there’s always a little something to learn about each other. But the big things? The important things? How he feels about me? He knew that long ago, he’s seen me at my best and worst. If he’s not willing to prove that he’s in it for the long haul then he’s not the one for me. And for me, the long haul means marriage.
Post # 49
Uggg – please don’t take this personally but your boyfriend sounds like such an @ss…I really hope you were exaggerating about his response in your earlier post, when you tried to talk to him about your concerns. That level of sarcasm in response to a rather practical/serious concern from the mother of his child would have really rubbed me the wrong way.
Anyway, he just does not seem ready for marriage (in any way) for whatever reason. When making the decision to leave my child’s father (not for this reason we were engaged before the pregnancy), the book Too Good to Leave, Too bad to Stay helped a great deal. It didn’t give me a definitive answer (that will ultimately be up to you), but it did help me put things into perspective; including the reality of life after the end of my relationship and it forced me to ask some tough questions about myself, my fiance, and our relationship.
Just remember your walk date is not for him, its for YOU so no I wouldn’t say anything; besides he already knows what you want and it hasn’t motivated him thus far.
Post # 50
I think that the conditions certainly chance knowing that you have a child together… he may be in the state of mind right now where he feels it is irresponsible to spend money on getting engaged and then a wedding when you are supporting another person. He may not see it as that big of an issue anymore now that you have a kid.
If I had a child I would make everything transparent to Fiance because instead of just a break up between you, you are not breaking up a family without notice. I would sit him down and explain how you feel – how important this is to you. You don’t need to do a whole proposal thing but enough to let him know that you want to get married/engaged by X date or else you will assume he is not going to commit.
Post # 50
Ok, Just to play devils advocate, but you see a lot of people with long relationships finally get married and then are divorced a few years later. I’ll say, I’m kind of in the same boat, but here is where we differ. We’ve been together 8.5 years. We’ve always understood that we will “one day” get married. I have not had the “ideal” proposal. I have repeatedly ensured through communication that I am not “trapping” him in something he does not want to do. I bought my own ring (I’m extremely picky and we already had joint finances but I pay all the household bills anyway), have selected my venue and date, all of which he is completely on board. The reason we are finally getting married is only because we intend to have more children. If that wasn’t the case, I couldn’t tell you when we would plan to get married (because as of a month ago, it wasn’t even on the radar).
So, here is my question: Is the only issue that he won’t propose? If that is the only issue, Why don’t you propose? If you’re are truly happy, I guess I just don’t understand the point of giving that up. Now, I fully understand not being completely happy and wanting more out of the other person and not geting it… but a proposal or marriage is not going to fix that.
Post # 50
- Wedding: May 2015 - Walnut Hill Bed & Breakfast
I never voiced mine… but my boyfriend was smart and he could have guessed them if you asked. He know’s he’s on borrowed time. The last/second 1 i was the most serious about and had actually told other people but it was never really a walk date because I can’t picture being with out him… it was more of a “i’m going to move on and buy a houes without you” date and I actually did put an offer in on a house – one that I knew i could be happy with – with or without him. I didn’t get the house but I know he bought my ring and has it now and it’s just a matter of time until I get it.
Post # 52
While I don’t need to have a walk date because my boyfriend has given me a clear time frame, I would certainly tell him a walk date if I had been with him for years and wanted to get married. I would give two shits if he took it as an ultimatum. I would simply say, ‘hon, you know my feelings about this but I cannot stay in a relationship where we don’t want the same thing so if you are still not sure by “insert date here”, then I would have to move on.”
I could care less how he perceives it. This is my life and it should not take you years and years to decide if you want to marry me. I have been married before and it has proposed to in addition to that (the last, to which I said ‘no’) and I have never had to wait more than two years for a proposal in each relationship. I refuse to live with any man before he puts a ring on my finger as well and I am not going to tip toe around his feelings when I am hurting inside.
Post # 53
I have a walknig date. I will NEVER tell him the date. EVER. I hope I never have to.
I won’t give him an ultimatum. My drop dead date as I call it is 3.5 years together and one year of livigint together- which is the end of December. If I am not engaged by then, I will have a serious decision to make. I know he just bought the ring last month and hoping I have a ring on my finger long before Christmas. If he has a ring and holds it for six months, to me that signifies he will never do it.