Post # 1
I was thinking of walking down the aisle with both of my parents, in part because my FH is Jewish and that is the Jewish custom. But now I am not sure if I should go it alone. I’m interested to see-for those of you who struggled with the decision of who you should walk with-how did you decide?
I have a close relationship with my mother. I can’t say she filled the traditional mother role- we are sort of more like friends, and always have been… and it is not without resentment sometimes, to be honest. But hey, no one’s perfect, and I think she still did a better job than a lot of parents. A lot of our talks and her guidance have made me who I am today.
I don’t have a close relationship with my father. I feel bad for saying it, but it’s true. I love him, but we just don’t know each other very well. He and my mother got married when I was 6- I didn’t see him much before they got married. Our relationship is mostly… uncomfortable and awkward I guess you could say. And what makes it worse is that he gets all emotional sometimes as if we are close.
I’ve also been out of the house for 10 years… I don’t know, I just feel sort of torn about it. My mom made a totally unsolicited comment that, if it were her, she would want to walk alone. I asked her if she didn’t want to walk me- she said she did- but just that she would want to go alone. My dad called me about renting a suit and said something about the father “giving away the bride.” I told him that I was going to walk with both of them. I don’t want to hurt his feelings by leaving him out entirely.
Ok, sorry for the ramble. I don’t know why, but I really can’t make up my mind. It just seems like nothing feels “right.” If anyone has any insight, I’d appreciate your thoughts!
Post # 3
I’m walking solo.
My father has passed away, leaving only my mother and my sister left in my immediate family, and the way I see, it was nobody’s privilege but his. My mom is not happy about this and wants me to pick someone, but at the same time, I also kinda enjoy the thought of all eyes on me.
Post # 4
I understand, I don’t feel right walking down with my father either. Right now I’m trying to decide if I should walk down alone or have my Fiance walk down with me. My concerns with walking down alone are that I’m not having a DOC and I’m afraid of those few moments where I’m all by myself right before I walk down the aisle. Also if I have my Fiance walk in with me I think it would “make more sense” as to why my father is sitting right there but not walking me down the aisle.
The downside of that plan is that we won’t get to experience the groom seeing the bride walk down the aisle, which I personally don’t care about but I think it might mean more to Fiance.
The compromise – have Fiance meet me halfway.
Those are just the thoughts I’m tossing around about my situation, best of luck to you whatever you decide!
Post # 5
I walked with both my mom and dad..it was nice
Post # 6
Missed this thread…I’ll be keeping an eye on it myself as I’m in a similar dilemma. Meeting the Fiance halfway is a nice compromise to just walking alone.
Post # 7
Thanks for the replies! I think my problem is that a part of me just doesn’t feel close enough to my father to have him walk me down, even if it is with my mother. But I also don’t want to hurt his feelings. I feel like I’ve had to do a lot of things on my own and that my parents have let me down a lot and that I don’t feel right about the symbolism. But at the same time, I know they’ve done what they could, and I feel bitchy for thinking this way.
Anyone else have advice?
Post # 8
I wanted to walk with my mom and dad.. but i knew that would hurt my stepdads feelings, and he has been around for a long time!! So I decided on walking down with my dad and stepdad, and I am giving my mom a flower or something during the ceremony.
Post # 9
@EleanorRigby: I think if you make it more about “I’m an independent person I don’t feel like anyone needs to give me away” instead of about your relationship with your parents you will be a lot less likely to hurt feelings. And don’t feel bad! If it doesn’t feel right to you, don’t do it.
Post # 10
@Natalieh86: This is great advice. OP, I’m struggling with the same thing for slightly different reasons–my parents are divorced and don’t get along at ALL. Do what feels right to you.