Post # 1
Ok. This is kind of emotional for me and hoping to get some unbiased opinions.
So walking down the aisle. Gosh. My Dad has been very destructive emotionally to me my brothers and my Mom. He now doesn’t talk to us (or see his grandkids) because we had people over for Christmas and wouldn’t go to his place (just for the fact that his place is super super small). There is so much background stuff, that I could write a book, we seriously belong on Dr Phil, lol.
So with my Dad not wanting to be around my kids, or future husband and just wanting to control (he is trying to use money to “rein” me back in) I don’t feel like I want him walking me down the aisle. Though I wish things would be better between us, he will never stop controlling and being destructive. And I feel like if you weren’t there when I needed you why do you get to do this important thing? My Mom was very very sick and I asked him for help ( I was 15) he shrugged it off, same when my bro had cancer (I was 18) he didn’t help me either. So a boat load of issues as you can hear.
My Fiance suggested my brother walk me down. I would want him to walk me down, if he is comfortable with that. But then I feel bad about my Dad, though he isn’t being a Father but just hurting.
Gosh, I wish my Mom was alive I’d get her to walk me down!
Already thinking maybe no one should walk me down the aisle?
Ahhh!!! So confused. What are your opinions? Thanks for being an ear, feels good just to get it out.
Post # 3
I have a VERY similar relationship with my dad. I Decided to walk alone down the aisle, and Fiance will meet me halfway and walk the second half together. Fiance is the only guy who has ever been there for me, so I thought this was appropriate. Good luck!
Post # 4
He doesn’t seem like he’s been much of a dad to you. And that’s awful. I wish you did have a good dad that you’d want to walk you down the aisle without a second thought. But you have to ask yourself, is this who you want to be the last person you’re with that takes you to your new life with your SO? If your brother is comfortable and you have a good relationship with him, that’s what I’d suggest. Or you could walk alone. That’s what I think I want to do (even thought I do have a good relationship with my dad, I have another role in mind for him). Anyway, that walk down the aisle and moment of passing from the arm of whoever walks with you to the arm of your SO is an emotional time/ moment (in a good way), would you want someone destructive being a part of that?
Post # 5
My dad is not in my life and not invited to my wedding. For a minute I considered having an uncle or male relative walk me down, but decided that would just draw more attention to the absence of my father. Ultimately Fiance and I decided to walk down together and I think it will be perfect for us.
Post # 6
Ask your brother if he’s the one you rely on. I bet he’d appreicate it too!
Post # 7
I have a very similar relationship with my dad (he uses money to rein me in too). While I haven’t quiet figured out who is going to walk me down the aisle yet, I defiantly think that you should ask your brother. Don’t feel bad about your dad. This is your day and you should do what makes you most comfortable.
Post # 8
I had a very similar situation as well (and like @pineapplelove:, my father was not invited). I walked alone and it was great. But that’s because it worked for me, I didn’t want to choose b/w my brothers, mom, and other awesome men in my life who stepped up to fill that role, and my SO didn’t want to walk down with me (he wanted to be waiting for me).
Do what you feel most comfortable with, and then ask your brother if he’d like the honor, if that’s your wish. Chat with Fiance, too, to see about going down together or meeting half way, or take that walk alone as a strong, independant lady. It’s your special moment, and a big day – do what makes you happiest, not something out of obligation or courtesy. *big hugs* And have fun! 🙂
Post # 9
We have issues with my dad as well, been absent most of our lives among other things. When my sister got married she asked my brother to walk her down the aisle. He was moved to tears when she asked and he was so happy she did. Unforunately he passed away a couple years ago. I would have loved to have him walk me too. I’m going to ask my mom instead. My dad won’t even be invited to our wedding.
I would ask your brother and i wouldn’t worry too much about disappointing your dad.
Post # 10
Thanks ladies. I feel assured in my decision to walk myself down the aisle. The comment Koi Fishie said, do I want someone destructive being a part of that special moment? No I don’t.
I have been so independent and strong through all I had to go through, I can handle walking myself down and dealing with more drama and allowing “control” on our day.
Thank you all sooo much, I truly appreciate it. Family issues…do they ever end? 😛
Post # 11
I am in the same boat you are. My father has always been controlling. At first, he loved my boyfriend. but since right before I became engaged, my father all of a sudden decided that he hated him. I think it was because he realized how serious we were and didn’t want to lose his control over me. He refused to see him, talk to him, even saying so much that he wouldn’t come to the wedding IF we were to get married. about 8 months later, he proposed and I said yes. That was feb 2011. since then my father has not even acknowledged that Im engaged. He tells everyone that I am single. If i mention my fiancees name in his presence he gets mad. He’s called me a disrespectful daughter for not listening to him when he told me to end the relationship, that no one would be proud to have a daughter like me (Im a physician assistant in surgery and did well in school and never did anything wrong). He’s poisened my mother against my fiancee as well. He’s even sent harrassing letters to our house directed at my fiancee. The list goes even further.
I’ve decided to not invite him to the wedding. He can’t even acknowledge that Im engaged, so why would he acknowledge the wedding? Im inviting my mother but she says that she won’t go unless I invite him. Ive finally come to terms with the fact that this is her choice. Im not going to have him come to my wedding and have him do or say something that will ruin our day. We don’t need that added stress.
I sent out invitations a few weeks ago and some of my family members, who my dad has obviously spoken with, are not coming to the wedding because Im not inviting him. This sucks. However, such is life.
Im walking myself down the aisle. I am going to stand proud because I am marrying the man I love and want to spend the rest of my life with. It is hard to deal with feelings like this toward your own blood but if he hasn’t been there for you or supported you through everything, why would he want to support you on this one day. There is no shame for not wanting to have him walk you down the aisle. If you and your brother have a close relationship I would ask him. If not, stand proud and walk towards the man you love with a smile!
Post # 12
@kleapa07: What you have described is exactly what he was like when my older brother was involved with his now wife when they got serious and the wedding. They did invite him but made sure the minister knew to leave out the part of any objections. As I will too.
I am so happy for you standing up like that. This is my secod time around standing up and putting my foot down and I am pretty much cutting him out of my life, again, right now unless he seriously does decide to change and respect our relationship. We already have people in place that if he decides to start something they will escort him out for not our sake, but our kids sake.
And I will stand proud just like you are. I am just speechless, everything you said is exactly what has been going through my mind last couple mths. Now to let it go and be free from toxicity, and enjoy this special time and special day ahead 🙂
I hope you have a wonderful wedding day, thoughts are with you, big hugs!
Post # 13
I am in the same sitution. But their was no hesitationI already knew who was going to walk me down the aisle. My grandfather was the man that was suppose to walk me down he passed away 6yrs ago. When my Fiance asked me to marry him I knew in my heart the next best person to take the role was my brother and he said “YES” I was honored that I asked him. He asked what about Dad. I said you and my grandfather and my Mother are the ones that were in my life always and this position I am asking you to do is and Honor for me an the person that s going to walk me down the aisle will be the man that stood by me thur all the years and who knows me the best and loves me unconditionally and who was always their for mewhen needed. I leaned in and kissed his chec and said that would be you my lilttle brother. I love you! Started crying. Again he said he would be honored and gave me a big hug and cried as well with his MOUCHO self. My father will be there but i am not upset who i picked he choose the way our relationship turned out. This is my day and if he doesnt like it he wont be there. That wont be nothing new to me. So what I am saying think really hard about how you feel about the Honorable person to walk you down the aisle It is your day not his!!!!!!!!
Post # 14
I have a similar relationship with my biological father so he didn’t walkl me down the aisle. In fact, we’ve barely spoken in 10 years so he wasn’t there at all. I ended up asking my stepdad to walk me down because he has been there for me for the last 20 years. However, honestly I really wish I had talked to him about how he felt about it. It was nice having him there, but later on I realized that it was my older brother who I really wanted to walk me down the aisle. He’s been there my entirely life with me–always protecting me and looking after me. We’ve always had a really good relationship, and yet for some reason it never even occurred to me until my wedding day to ask him. And really by the time I realized it, it was at the reception already so a little late. He was, however in the bridal party so he still played a pretty important role.