(Closed) Walking down the aisle….

posted 8 years ago in Family
  • poll: Who should walk me down the aisle?
    Stepfather--it would mean a lot to family, and proving a point isn't worth hurt feelings : (14 votes)
    40 %
    Nobody--if he didn't act like a father growing up, why should he get this privilege? : (21 votes)
    60 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    3671 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2011

    My father and I never got along throughout high school and he’s done things to hurt me on other important days of my life.  I’ve always been really close to my brother so he’s walking me down the aisle.  It’s been hard after I told my father (he’s only coming to the ceremony and then leaving and he’s not 100% sure he wants to do that) but I didn’t want to have him walk me down the aisle just because he was my father and he feels like he should.  I went with what would mean a lot to me and I hate the fact that he doesn’t get to walk his only daughter down the aisle but it just wouldn’t feel right.

    Post # 4
    Member
    504 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    Maybe a compromise would be for him to walk you halfway down the aisle and you take the final leg on your own? Is not having him participate period worth any estrangement you may feel between you and your mom after the wedding?

    Post # 5
    Member
    285 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    you need to do whatever is going to make you feel more comfortable…if you are uncomfortable having your stepfather walk you it will show on your face and in your photos…i would ask your mom again to do it or go it alone…

    Post # 6
    Member
    527 posts
    Busy bee

    I am in the same boat and am trying to make that hard decision too.  So, here’s how I see it…

    I will be 32 at W-Day.  At this point none of my family is literally “giving me” to the other family.  I am giving myself on my own steam and free will.  I am closer to my step-dad, but I know that will hurt bio-dad’s feelings (even though he has NEVER been there for me).  Therefore, I am currently leaning towards going it alone.

    Post # 9
    Member
    3126 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2017

    It sounds like having him walk you halfway may be the ideal solution for you then, but at the same time if you dont feel comfortable having him walk you down the aisle, I dont know if the full way vs part of the way will make much of a difference for you

    Post # 10
    Member
    4355 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I think you should walk with your step father. As much as it might feel awkward to do so, I think you will regret not having him walk you in the future (like you said, when he passes away etc..)

    I love my dad and have always had a good relationship with him (he and my mom are still together) but when I think about him walking down the isle with me it even makes me feel weird. I think it might be a slightly normal feeling in terms of all the emotions tied to it. Not that I don’t want him to walk me, but when I think about it .. I feel weird (if that makes any sense?)

    It doesn’t necessarily have to mean he is giving you away as a father, it can simply mean he is escorting you as the father figure you grew up with. Just ask that the officiant doesn’t ask the “who gives this woman to be wed” question.

    Again, follow your heart but I’m worried it’ll weigh heavily on you later on down the road if you leave him out.

    Post # 11
    Member
    597 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    I would probably compromise and have BOTH your parents walk you down the aisle. That way no one is left out or hurt….they do that in Jewish weddings, and it was even one of the choices for my Catholic wedding.

    Post # 12
    Member
    339 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    Ideally, I would suggest the two of them walking you down as a compromise, but since that may be logistically impossible, then I’m going to suggest you walk down the aisle with your stepfather.

    I know perhaps you haven’t had the best relationship, but you said it’s better now and I think when it comes to decisions like these, you’ll have to ask yourself if there is any chance of regret.  What’s the worst that could happen if your brother walked you down the aisle?  What’s the worst that could happen if your stepfather walked you down the aisle?  Only you can gauge the answers to these questions, and from what you’ve written a LOT of feelings will be hurt if you choose to have your brother walk you down and you have to ask yourself if it’s really all worth it.

    Post # 13
    Member
    1518 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I like the idea of him waling you halfway.. maybe even having the groom meet you halfway so he hands you off and then you walk the rest of the way with your groom. 

    Would your biological father be upset by your step father walking you? If it would cause drama i would walk by yourself .. or walk by yourself and still have Fiance meet you half way. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    127 posts
    Blushing bee

    I would say have your mom walk you half way and your step dad the other. My father too was out of the picture growing up. He actually was not invited to my wedding until a few days before. I was raised primarily by my grandparents, mother’s parents and me and my grandfather are closer then some daughters and fathers. There wasn’t a second thought in my mind who would walk me down the isle, even though my bio father ended up coming to the wedding. My grandfather the man who raised me, supported me and was a father to me in every way was the man that earned that right. Personally, my father’s feelings never once enterend my mind since he was an adult who made an adult decision to be a deadbeat when I was a child. He was lucky he even got an invite. The person who walks you down the isle, it makes a big statement as to who the most important man in your life has always been. It should be that person. Biology don’t matter in this case, IMO. Follow your heart.

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