Post # 1
I have seen many posts on this forum about divorce/bad relationship with parents but none with my situation.
I am twenty years old, getting married in June, my parents have been married for twenty eight years and I have a good relationship with them.
My parents expected my dad to be giving me away but that just goes against everything in me – I am not a piece of property as many say and I feel extremely un comfortable with being ‘given away’, considering we live together, I pay the bills and I am definitely a feminist! We are sharing a hypehenated name as we both believe in that so it’s just not going to work.
I mentioned both of my parents walking me down the aisle because I felt that was much more accurate, my mother did most of the hands on raising anyway. My mum does not want to walk down the aisle though. She keeps telling me about ‘taking that away from my dad’ but at the end of the day it goes against what I believe in. I still want my dad to be included as special in the day, I have first look photos with him, we are both doing a speech, we will dance together etc. I just don’t know what to do about this situation. I am worried that:
If i walk down with just my dad it will feel wrong, go against my principles and I will want my mum there
If I walk down with both parents no one will see me!
If I walk down alone I will stumble through nerves.
Post # 2
My daughter’s walked down with both their parents. They were the ones wearing the long ivory gowns and carrying large bouquets – there wasn’t a question of people not seeing them.
Walk down with your fiance, if you wish – that’s standard in Scandinavian countries, or walk alone and have him walk up to you (from the altar) and meet you half way.
Post # 3
- Wedding: June 2014 - Gold Hill Gardens
I understand where you’re coming from – it’s complicated! I don’t know what will work best for you – and will just share what I did: I walked out of the getting ready room by myself, then met my dad at the top of the stairs at the edge of the ceremony. Everyone else (aside from my MOH) walked down the aisle in pairs (brother with mom, brother-in-law with mom-in-law, dad-in-law with step-mom-in-law, flower girl with ring bearer) too. My dad didn’t give me away – but he did assist me down the aisle. Both dads welcomed us into our new families (and our dads and moms married us, for that matter). I think sometimes people associate walking down the aisle with giving away – to me, it’s not. I’ve walked many times with my dad, and this was another walk . . .
Post # 4
I’m from a culture where by default bride and groom enters ceremony space together or, if walking down the aisle occurs, bride often goes alone, so I don’t see problem with that. If you consider doing first look, then you easily can walk in together with your FI.
Post # 5
JazzieB: I know someone who got ready alone and walked herself down the aisle. She was crying the whole way. People thought it was because of the wedding etc. It turns out ot was because she was so sad that there hadn’t been anyone to tell her she looked beautiful, wish her luck etc. She walked alone because of a combination of a bad relationship with her dad and being walked by him being against her principles. She also didn’t have bridesmaids so was totally alone before the ceremony.
I am not suggesting everyone who walks alone feels like this, I’ve seen posts on the bee about people who loved it. But you need to just make sure you’re prepared for wha it coild feel like.
If I was in your situation I would explain to your mum that either she walks with you and your dad or you will not be walking with him at all and make sure she completely understands that the options are both of them or neither of them. then either walk with them, walk on your own (if you’re sure you won’t feel like the lady I know) or ask your MOH or a bridesmaid or a friend or other relation to walk with you.
Post # 6
JazzieB: I have never understood why some people take it so literally that a father walking his daughter down means she’s property transfering over to another person to be property. I know at one time this was the case. But I don’t think anyone thinks that anymore, or at least not every single person on this planet. you’re a person not cattle. I don’t think your dad considers this a fair trade or that he’s trading you for something else from your FI.
I think you’ need to explain to your mom the importance of both of them walking down with yuou and not really much about how it goes against your beliefs of just having your father walk you down because clearly your mother didn’t understand that part the first time around.
Post # 7
First – I don’t think you should worry about people not seeing you. 🙂 But I don’t know what your aisle looks like, so I can’t really judge.
I can say that this is what the catholic church thinks should happen and it sounds very nice:
Many couples are surprised to learn that the recommended entrance procession at a Catholic wedding liturgy includes the priest or deacon and then the bride and the groom, escorted by their parents and the two witnesses (maid of honor and best man). Unlike the common American form of the procession which suggests that the bride is given away by her father to the groom, the faith of the Catholic Church holds that the bride and groom enter marriage mutually and as equal, complementary partners. This is also—among other reasons – why the tune known as “Here Comes the Bride” is not recommended for the procession: its focus on the bride alone contradicts the Church’s emphasis on the couple. While it is still allowable for a father to escort his daughter down the aisle, as well as for the parents of the bride to escort their daughter to the waiting groom, give serious consideration to the full entrance procession, and assure the father of the bride that he will still walk his daughter down the aisle. He’ll simply be joined in this happy role by the bride’s mother and by the groom’s parents who will escort their son down the aisle.
Post # 8
JazzieB: What about having your parents walk ahead of you, together, right before your entrance?
Post # 9
I walked alone, but I fall into the ‘bad relationship with parents’ camp so mine weren’t at my wedding. I also got married on a beach so there wasn’t really an ‘aisle’ in the first place! Walking alone was lovely though, my SIL came in the car with me and walked down before me and then I followed on my own. I would recommend it to be honest. I also would have liked to walk in with my fiance, but he wanted to keep some things traditional and not see each other before the ceremony, but if you would consider a first look then this would work as an option.
Post # 10
What if you walk down with your FI? Or you could still walk with your dad but not do the *handing off* and the “who gives this woman” speil.
Or you can just have the officiant word it different? People ask if FI asked my dad’s permission…I always so no, but he did call for his blessing. Because it’s nice to know that your parents approve, but when you’ve already been living out of the home you hardly need permission.
Post # 11
Thanks for all the replies!
I know it is not so much a property thing now except it still kind of is because if it truly is a blessing thing then this is why I feel it is so inappropriate the mother is automatically left out. I kind of like the idea of having them walk together in front of me then hugging them both.
Has anyone done it that the groom is waiting at the back of the aisle and they walk up with their parents then their parents walk down the aisle and bride and groom walk down together?