Post # 32
Lots of food for thought here!
Peachapple- I admire your strength and ability to forgive. What a beautful gift to give and receive for your wedding.
It seems that most people are content with whichever decision they made. Let me ask this… Is there anyone who had regrets about their decision. For example, did someone walk down the aisle with parents and regret it or walk alone and regret it? Whatever I decide, I don’t want to have any regrets!
Post # 33
I do not regret deciding at the last minute to walk with my parents. I decided to because I was fearful I would regret it and I didn’t want to.
Post # 34
I am having my older brother walk me down the aisle. My dad died when I was 16, and although my grandparents are still living, I don’t feel like they have been in my life enough to get this honor. That is what it is, its an honor, the person who walks you down the aisle represents your past and I want that person to be have huge part of my life as I walk towards the rest of it. My older brother is that person for me 🙂
Post # 35
I don’t like the idea of being given away and my father has passed on, but once my mother found out people are having the mother walk the bride down the aisle she was really excited. I wasn’t expecting it and will either do that or walk alone.
Post # 36
My sister was planning to go it alone until very close to her wedding. I’m not entirely sure why she changed her mind, though I know my Dad was really hurt and wanted to so that at least had soemthing to do with it. My sister is extremely independent, but she completely froze right before she walked, and I don’t think she would have made it if my Dad hadn’t been there to told her hand and tell her jokes as they walked to calm her down. And I know that she really feels like their entire wedding really brought her and my Dad closer. Not that they had a terrible relationship before, but they had issues especially b/c she felt like he wasn’t initally very supportive of her relationship with my Brother-In-Law (though that changed by the time they were engaged). I’m not saying this will happen to you, but I do think it’s also worth looking at what the day means to your entire family before making a decision. Especially if you’re very accomplished and independent it can seem silly to have your father "give you away", but jsut b/c that’s the traditional reason for the walk it doesn’t have to be. It can also just be a way of showing support as you enter the next stage in your life, or letting you know that you will always be a part of their family even as you start your own. You could even consider turning the tradition on it’s head a little and having your Fiance walk in with his parents and you with yours. I’m just saying that there are a lot of ways to look at this tradition, and just b/c you disagree with the original intent it doesn’t mean you can change it into something that suits you.
I am, though, planning to have my Dad walk me down the aisle. I think my Mom would be too self-conscious to join us, and it works for me. but there are a lot of other traditions I’ve foresaken b/c they don’t fit my idea of a modern relationship, like the whole idea of a proposal and a ring in the first place, so it’s not like I’m advocating for going the traditional route. Just saying it’s worht considering why you’re doing it and whether there is any aspect of the tradition that you might be able to take and make your own.
Post # 37
My parents are not supportive of us getting married so I will be either walking alone or with a close friend. I haven’t figured it all out but I would like to have my best friend’s husband walk me down the isle. He and I were in the service together and he has been there for me through everything over the past 15 years.
I did think it was cute that my daughter’s grandfather – my ex-fil – said that since my dad wasn’t going to be there to support me on my big day he would do anything I needed or wanted him to do to "fill in". While sweet, I’m not sure that it is "right"?
It’s times like these that I just wish I had a "normal" family but what are you gonna do, right?
Post # 38
Ahh I struggle with this too.
I have a "normal" family…no divorces, no stepparents, etc. BUT…my dad has always been the workaholic/travel a lot/skip the family vacation for an important meeting type, so I just feel like we’re not that close. I love him, but we rarely have one-on-one conversations and I would never go to him for help or advice or discuss a problem or whatever.
When I’m standing at the back of the church about to walk down the aisle, I would so much rather have my mom with me than my dad. I’m usually very into tradition and such, but this dad-down-the-aisle thing is really bothering me. I know my dad would just be devastated if he wasn’t the one to do it, but I’m considering asking my mom to join us as well. I kind of think she might say she wouldn’t because it would hurt my dad’s feelings though. I just don’t know.
Part of me wants to just do it alone…but I think I’m a bit too traditional for that. Soo frustrating!!
Post # 39
All you ladies are so brave! The only wedding I was at where the bride walked alone got really awkward because she got really nervous and just started laughing hysterically…
Post # 40
I was having a lot of anxiety about this, but I feel good about my solution.
I get along fine with my dad (we haven’t always), but my parents are divorced and I don’t think I can handle being between the two of them. A bit too much bad blood… and neither of them has contributed financially, so I don’t feel too guilty about NOT giving them the honor.
After trying to figure out a way to appear in front of everybody in a poof of smoke, I decided to throw out the aisle! No aisle at all!
We’re getting married in a park, so we will set up chairs in a double circle (for about 100 guests) with a space at the top.
No grand entrance; we’ll just walk over to the space and complete the circle.
Post # 41
While my dad is going to walk me down the aisle, he’s not "giving me away" so to speak. It’s my decision to marry my Fiance, not my dads. I am giving him my love, honor, and respect-my dad isn’t (although he does love, honor, and respect my FI).
That being said, I have a great relationship with my dad and I do want him to walk down the aisle with me. And if my mom were alive, she would walk down the aisle with us. To me, it’s more of a symbol of moving from one phase of my life to another. My parents/dad have been my primary family for 32 years. Now my fiance/husband will be my primary family. I also think that it’s symbolic of the fact that my dad respects and approves of the man I’m marrying. If he didn’t approve, he wouldn’t walk me down the aisle. Invited to the wedding-yes, but walking me down the aisle-no. And last but not least I am the youngest out of 4 kids in my family and the only girl. So this is my dads one and only chance to have the honor of walking one of his children down the aisle. And probably one of the main reasons why we didn’t elope!
We all need to do whats best for each one of us. Whether that means you go it alone, walk with your dad, or walk with someone else. Be true to who you and your Fiance are and what’s going to make you happiest.
Post # 42
Alright, I think I’ve gotten this figured out… with most of the credit going to the hive for helping me reason this out.
I don’t want to have any regrets, but I also really want to emphasize that I enter into marriage on my own and my path over the last many years has been my own. I want my parents to be happy and feel involved, but I didn’t want to sacrifice my feelings by just going along with something I didn’t buy into.
So here’s my solution: I’m going to have my mom and dad walk in with me, and walk me half-way. I think my mom will be tickled to be involved, and it will be nice to incorporate a Jewish tradition. This way it won’t be just me and my dad, either… Then, 1/2 way they can go sit down and I’m going to walk the rest of the way on my own.
I think the symbolism is perfect and there will be no hurt feelings or resentments. In short, the perfect solution for my situation!
Post # 43
This is something that I have been struggling with for some time now. My father and mother walked me down the aisle at my first wedding and it was fine (I was not the hysterically happy bride the first time around). Fast forward 10 years I got divorced which no one was really bother by that as both my parents have been married and divorced twice and on their thrid marriages. I came out to my parents as a lesbian shortly after my divorce (I had known for a long time and had fallen in love with someone) My lovely wife to be asked me to marry her on January 1, 2011 after two years of being together. I orginally wanted my son (9 yrs old now) and my daughter (13 right now) to walk me down the aisle but things with my dauther have really deteriated thanks to her father. I no longer live in the US I currently live in New Zealand. I still want my kids to be part of the wedding but am now thinking that walking alone is the right choice for me. If my kids are here (I really hope they are) they will both be at the alter with our attendents as I do want them to be part of it and they are not giving me away because that relationship I have with them will always be there. If my daughter still chooses not to speak to me and my ex forbids my son from coming without my daughter I will be devestated. My mum has already told me that she will not come because she can not afford it even though she has at least 18 months to save for her and my step father to be here but that is on her lap not mine. My father has a fear of flying and our relationship is not what it once was and that is ok no huge hurt there really I love him do not get me wrong.
I have read that british royalty walk in alone. Seeing as how my fiancee refers to me as her Queen it really fits. I am independent now and think for me personally its the best way to enter our marriage. I have grown so much in the last two years that I really feel I have made the right choice.
sorry for the rambleling but I needed to get it all out.
Post # 44
If anything happens to my father ( health wise/ dad is not in the best shape) I will go it alone. I am stubborn that way. Just like him. I have thought about what would happen, who would I ask. And the only thing that I can think of is going by myself.
Though my mom says that she will keep my dad in the best shape she can. she has him on a exerise routine and everything. lol
Post # 45
I am walking with my man!