(Closed) Walking down the Aisle Dilemma

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I think you told you dad what you wanted and he made it clear what he wanted, but it’s not his day it’s yours. If it’s your mom who has been there for you then I would say let her walk you down alone and your dad can watch from a pew-his choice. I wouldn’t hurt your mom by unasking her. Your dad is being childish and petty and you should not punish your mom for that. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 4
Member
154 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@blue_eyed_bride:  I agree with PP, your father made his choice so you shouldn’t feel bad about walking with just your mother.

You can honor your father and step-mother in other ways, such as in the toast, programs, invitations, etc… Depending on your relationship with your step-mom you may want to just let her know what you are thinking and what your thoughts are. She may have ideas, and would probably appreciate your taking the time to talk to her about it and how she feels, and you may find she is not that worried about it. Seems your father is the worrier ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 5
Member
154 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@blue_eyed_bride:  I was thinking more about this, and if you had your mother walk you down would it raise a lot of questions throughout the family at the wedding? Maybe this doesn’t matter to you, maybe it does. Just checking ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 6
Member
19 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’m so sorry you’re being put through this. Your dad has made his choice- albeit a selfish and petty one- and now you have to make yours. Seems as though you know what the right thing to do is here. Honor your invitation to your mom, who is obviously the bigger person here. Your stepmother really doesn’t have anything to do with this, does she? Seems like your dad has moved on in other ways. Why the big hissy fit?

Post # 7
Member
873 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

bricon, exactly.

Maybe you can bring it up again later and see how he feels about it then. Remind him that both of them walking you down the aisle is always how you’ve imagined it. If doesn’t want to participate just to save appearances in front of his new wife, well then that’s a decision he will have to live with for the rest of his life. Don’t take this opportunity away from your mom, especially since you’ve already asked her, just because your dad wants to be a jerk about it.

Is there any way you would talk to your step-mom about it? Might she encourage him to do it? Btw, I don’t believe that your step-mom should have any kind of an equal role as your mother in the wedding.

Post # 8
Member
1513 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

im so sorry your dad is acting like this ๐Ÿ™ i wish i knew an answer for you. my only suggestion would be to talk with your mother about walking down the aisle and see what she thinks. she may not want to step on your dad’s toes like that? so maybe its a nonissue?

 

i will say you dont need to do anything for any stepparent on your wedding day. if you choose to get her a corsage or something, good for you! but that isnt a requirement by any means.

Post # 9
Member
3471 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

Your father made his choices in life; 21 years ago, and now.  You told him what you wanted, if he wants to be a part of that he will– if not, it’s his decision.  I would walk with the person who is supporting you whole heartedly in this (your mom).  

Post # 10
Member
4311 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Take your mom.  Your dad will regret this, but that’s his fault — NOT YOURS!

Post # 11
Member
3120 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I would talk to your mom.  Your relationship sounds completely stable.  I would suggest if she offers to back down on this one, you surprise her with another honor — maybe you and Darling Husband stop and give her a bouquet of flowers on the way back up the aisle.  I think it will show who was the classy, mature one in this situation!

 

ETA: I agree that your Dad is acting like a baby and put you in a terrible situation, but you need to decide if “10 seconds” (as you put it) is worth possibly losing the relationship growth you’ve made over the last 8-10 years. 

Post # 12
Member
9549 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’m so sorry that your dad is putting you through this but I have to agree with the previous posters. I would invite both parents and if only 1 accepts then so be it. Especially since you’re already asked your mom I would ABSOLUTELY NOT unask her. And maybe your dad will come around and grow up. Otherwise you could give him (and even yoru step mom) a hug when you get to the end of the aisle.

Post # 13
Member
3120 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Oh, and if you do go with your dad, I would make DAMN sure he says “Her mother and I” when your officiant asks who gives her away!

Post # 14
Member
2067 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

If he’s not willing to “give”, then maybe there’s another option?

A close friend of mine did this because she had her bio dad and stepdad to include. (She has more of a relationship with her stepdad.) So, her bio dad walked her the first half and her stepdad was standing, waiting at the half way mark. Her stepdad walked her down the rest of the aisle.

So, for you, maybe your dad can walk you down the first half of the aisle and your mom can walk you the rest of the way to your groom?

Post # 16
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@blue_eyed_bride:  That is soooo frustrating. I would not give in to your dad’s demands – he is the one being unfair and throwing a tantrum over nothing, don’t reward that behavior by letting him have his way. I would just tell him that regardless of the divorce drama, he and your mother are your biological parents, and that while you love your stepmom and will find some way to honor her, your wishes are for your parents who brought you into this world to walk you down the aisle/give you away, and that you think it’s really sad he and your stepmom cannot get over long past divorce drama for about the twenty seconds the walk would take so that you can have that important moment go the way you’ve always pictured it. And then I would tell him that if he decides to not participate that is his choice, which you’re sure you will be hurt by much more than your stepmom would be if he did participate, but that you’re not going to give into his demands take that moment away from your mother just because he has decided to be petty and have a fit about it.

The topic ‘Walking down the Aisle Dilemma’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors