Post # 1
Are you walking down the aisle alone? If so what is your family dynamics and are you confident in your decision.
My father is alive, my parents divorced when I was 8 and my dad essentially divorced his kids. We talk when I call him or visit him. It has taken a toll on me. I have tried to build a relationship with him but it is one sided. Because I was trying to please my mom with her requests my feelings got hurt. She felt it necessary to ask my dad if he would be contributing financially to my wedding. Everytime I have asked for something growing up he wouldn’t do it, if it was outside of child support.
Well with much anxiety, I asked if he would be contributing to the wedding and I expected a no. However, he went deeper and said that “that’s between you and Fiance, I shouldn’t have ANYTHING to do with me” I don’t anything to do with that. He went on and on… A simple no would have been okay with me, I was prepared for a no. But his words sent a deeper message to me. Does he not want ANYTHING literally to do with the wedding? I was too over him to ask him that. (didn’t want to allow him the power to reject me again)
But just as I was confused if he would walk me down the aisle in the past, it hightened that confusion and please believe me it was not because he wasn’t helping financially. It’s because all my life I have tried to work at this relationship and nothing has come from that. He has not been a father to me and the aisle walk is meant to honor the person you are walking with.
What honor did he really earn. I am so independant and yes it hurt my pride that I had asked a man that I know never does anything for me and to be rejected again it hurt. So here I am thinking about this and one thing he said that’s true is that me and my Fiance have decided to marry. So who better to walk me down the aisle than myself. I am a it nervous at the thought. I even get nervous at how my dads family will view me but my marriage is not a play or a story, its real world and I owe it to myself to start off my life in truth. That I made this decision and my dad didn’t earn his right to give me away etc.
note= My mom has always wanted to give me away but she just isn’t into walking down the aisle. She thinks its beautiful and a bold statement to do it alone.
Who else is doing this and what is your story?
Post # 3
I will be walking alone. My father died when I was four and my mom and I have a very difficult relationship. I have thought about my wedding day my entire life and who would walk me down the aisle but I can’t think of any one I would want to give me away, no one is deserving of that role. So I decided to walk alone. I am considering having my fiance meet me half way and walk me down the rest of the way, signifying that I lived my life on my own and now we are joining and he is taking my hand.
Good luck, I am sorry for all the trouble your going through 🙁 hugs!
Post # 4
My father is a huge part of my life – he and my mother are a great example of a good marraige and I wouldn’t have it any other way than walked down on his arm.
My sister-in-law walked herself most of the way. Her father and mother split and he has his own family now and not much to do with her, though he came to the wedding and is a decent guy. Her stepfather footed the bill for some of the wedding and raised her for part of her life, but is a jerk (her mother and he have since split), so she didn’t feel he owned her enough to give her away either.
My brother (her husband), went and met her at the back row of chairs (it was outdoors, she walked down the dock alone) and they walked to the altar together. It was perfect for them.
Post # 5
I have no relationship with my father. He will not even be at the wedding.
I am walking with my brother but would have had no problem walking by myself if my brother wasn’t here.
You can do it!
Post # 6
My dad had custody of me, but our relationship was always very strained and after my stepmother, all of my trouble-making siblings, and his job there was almost no attention left for. I talk to him maybe once or twice a year now, if that.
He did walk me down the aisle when I got married, because I felt guilty at denying him the chance to walk his only daughter down the aisle. But I raised myself, and I really wish I had walked alone. It’s a not-small regret I have.
Post # 7
I hear you on that one…My dad and I haven’t gotten along for a LONG time…He has said some nasty and inappropriate things to me that I just can’t ever forgive, even though he thinks since he’s said sorry that should fix things. I have three half siblings all of them much younger than I am who never understood why I don’t talk with my father very often…Until they got to be older and really understood what he was all about. Now none of them talk to him. My two sisters are 21 and 19, and my brother is 18. So, they all told me I’d better not be letting him walk me down the aisle…it’s a privilege not a right. So no, he won’t be walking me down.
My mom wants to do it, but I know that will just cause drama with my father so that’s out too. Arrrgh….I’m not entirely sure how I’ll handle the situation when the time comes (and I think it’s coming sooner than later!)
Post # 8
I had a courthouse ceremony, but, if I had a traditional ceremony, I would not have had my father or stepfather walk me down the aisle. My grandfather may have, but, if not, I would have walked alone. I did not have someone I considered a real “father figure” growing up, so I don’t really understand the sentiment or tradition. Personally, I strongly dislike the idea of being “given away”.
Post # 9
My sister walked herself! I walked with Darling Husband because it was just us. 🙂
Post # 10
There is nothing wrong with walking down the aise by yourself. To me, it’s really just walking.
I’ve been married twice. The first time my dad walked me down the aisle. (We get along fine.) It really wasn’t a big deal to me. It was just tradition. This time (the 2nd wedding) we were married at home. I walked down the stairs and through my living room by myself. Dad was standing in the crowd with everyone else. It was just walking to me. I guess I’m just not sentimental enough to see how it matters.
My ex Mother-In-Law married after I married her son. She couldn’t figure out which of her three brothers she should ask to walk her down the aisle without hurting the other brothers’ feelings. I suggested she have her only child (my then husband) walk her down the aisle. Duh! My point with all this is… it’s just a walk. Anyone who means something to you can walk with you. It doesn’t have to be your biological dad.
Post # 11
Thanks ladies, I am glad to know that there are women who have seen this and or done this also!
Post # 12
I’m walking down by myself and I have a good relationship with my dad. I’m just not a fan of the tradition.
Post # 13
- Wedding: June 2012 - Pippin Hill Farm & Vineyards
I’m not a huge fan of the tradition myself, but I have to admit that I’m scared of what people will say/think if I walk alone. It’s almost as if you are telling guests (co-workers, people you don’t know on the other side of the family) about a family dynamic that most people don’t usually share.
Does that make sense?
Post # 14
I walked down with my entire family. My dad had my arm, my mom carried the train, and my brother escorted my mother behind me.
Post # 15
@hatmanandbobbin I totally can relate to that. Hopefully people focus on me and Fiance during my walk down the aisle. It is a fairly long aisle, I must admit…But even if they do have a thought about it hopefully it is only for a split second and hopefully it doesn’t get back to me or be the wisper of the night. you know? Families can be messy.
I send my support your way to whatever you decide. I just think I will feel awkward walking with my dad and it may show on my face so it’s best I go it alone.
Post # 16
@mink I meant to copy you on the response to @hatmanandbobbin ..Mink I support you in whatever you decide and hatmanandbobbin I am cheering for us both and commend you also. Walking alone is a bold statement but this may also help other brides and society see that it is okay.
I was never going to do the “who gives this woman”… but I wasn’t sure what I would do for the aisle walk and now I am more confident that its perfectly fine to do walk alone. we should post pics after our weddings.