(Closed) Walking on Eggshells…an attempted suicide. (LONG)

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1125 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I am so sorry, I have a family full of mental health issues, I know it’s hard. You’re very strong for being there for him.

I would highly suggest scheduling a few appointments with his therapist (I’m guessing… hoping he’s in therapy?) and you two going in together, the therapist will know your FI situation and will be able to talk to you and help you cope/deal with these situations when they arise.

I know the state hospitals are horrible when someone is forced into it, but I would REALLY suggest getting him into a private hospital if you can, they are really good and work wonders for those who are mentally ill.

Remind him to take his medication, even if he is feeling better. And he could be right, lithium caused hallucinations with me, when the doctors thought I had manic depression they had me on 1,200mg of lithium a day (3 1/2 pills a day) and it was absolutely horrible. I did have hallucinations, but it did this to me because it turned out I was not bipolar at all and when I stopped the hallucinations stopped. If he truly thinks the medication is causing hallucinations have him talk to his psychiatrist about it and see if they can find another medication to try, if the medication is taking a toll on his body see if he can try another medication. But don’t give up. Reach out to the mental health community, there is a lot of help there.

Post # 4
Member
1408 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

wow i am really sorry you are going through this. It seems like this is going to be a life struggle for him, are you ready to be a part of that? You have to be a really strong person for him, but at the same time dont waste your life away for someone else. I dont really have good advice but i am sorry that you are going through this. 

Post # 5
Member
448 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Ranch

If my daughter told me all of this, I would also tell her to please not deal with it, especially at such a young age. I know many won’t agree with me because if you love someone, you stick around and help. I do agree with that in many cases; however, in this case I feel that you are in danger yourself. He started directing his anger towards you now, and who is to say you won’t be the one that is cut next time? I’ve heard countless murder cases, and you don’t know how many have done it with stories similar to this. He definitely needs help, but please, protect yourself as well. I don’t have much advice I guess, but reading your post, I felt fear. I hope it all works out for you. You are very strong for coming this far, and your FI is very lucky to have you. 

Post # 6
Member
726 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

You are so young. I think you will regret attaching yourself to someone with such deeply rooted problems. 

Post # 7
Member
612 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

This seriously brought tears to my eyes. You are such a strong person to stand by him through all this. He is beyond lucky to have you. I wish I could offer you some type of advice, but I dont really have any experience with anything like this. All I can say is take care of yourself, stay safe, and strong for your FI and hopefully all will work out for the two of you.

 

Best wishes! ****HUGS****

Post # 8
Member
493 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Alexandria_Lyn:  

@kris325:  

 

Kriss325, I think knows what she is talking about. When we are in love with someone we work to make it easier on the both of us. I wouldn’t say consider not being with him, but until everything gets straightened out maybe taking a break from wedding planning would be easier for the both of you. It wouldn’t diminish the amount of love you have for one another either, but you may have already considered that.

Your story touched very close to home with me, and you are definitely in my thoughts now.

Post # 9
Member
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

This is my sister to a T.  Growing up with a loved with with a mental disorder like this is a lot. IT will be like this forever. you will proabbly come to see things a little bit differently each time you go throw the rollar coaster that is mania. I have never been so relieved when my sister is the hospital because I know she is safe and won’t be able to harm herself. She herself even comes out feeling the same.

 

The balancing of medications and realization that the only reason your loved one feels good is because of the medication is a lot to come to terms with. They themself will try over and over to get off of the meds, and it will always result in a tail spin.

 

I would take a big step back and set up as big of a support network as you can for the two of you. You will be come tired too and need support.

Post # 10
Member
11284 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@Alexandria_Lyn:  wow, i admire your loyalty and strength but as a parent, i would probably give you the same advise as your mother.  i am also truly concerned for your safety, not just now but in your future. 

just remember that it’s wonderful to share your life with someone but don’t forget that you still need to live your life too.

good luck.

Post # 12
Member
2300 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

wow – i’m so sorry that you’re dealing with this – mental health issues are tough.

it’s really important that he finds doctors that he can be honest with – him self medicating (removing his dosage etc) is really unhealthy and dangerous. it’s so important to stay consistent with meds and adjust the amount rather than removing them entirely – and even if they make him ‘foggy’ etc, ‘foggy’ is better than suicidal. i hope that he can find a doctor that he trusts so that he can commit himself to a treatment plan and stick to it.

obviously you are doing the best you can, and are so strong (!) but while i think the doctor was rude – she was right in a way – part of the observation and evaluation of the patient, is the patient’s frame of mind and thinking patterns at that very moment, as close in time to the episode. you said yourself, that he goes up and down frequently, that is why it’s so important for patients to be observed immediately following an episode, rather than three days later when they are feeling better. i would be careful of allowing him to dictate what happens after such a major episode. 

i think it’s amazing that you’re there for him and committed to helping him, but while marriage is ‘in sickness and health’ you want him to commit to you with a clear, healthy mind. it doesn’t sound like he’s in any shape to be making permanent life decisions. make sure you take care of yourself as well.

Post # 13
Member
45627 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Alexandria_Lyn:  I am so sorry that this is happening to you and your FI. Mental illness can be a tremendous burden to bear, and the burden on the loved ones is as great as on the person with the illness.

I encourage you to find and join a support group for families of those with mental illness. Just like Al-Anon, they will give you a much greater understanding of the whole situation. A precarious blaance is needed between supporting the individual and making them responsible for their actions and behaviors -eg taking meds.

It can often be a lifelong process to find a combination of medications that works for any one individual without causing side-effects that are soul and life destroying.

For now, take things one day at a time and know that our thoughts are with you.

Post # 14
Member
1565 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

wow, you’re so brave. He’s very lucky to have you.

I feel you should really think if you want this for the rest of your life, how much worse would you be willing to take.

Do you want to have children?

Post # 15
Member
2263 posts
Buzzing bee

Oh my gosh–I don’t even know what to say to you. One–you are an amazing, strong woman who has a head on her shoulders well beyond her years, and two–like some other Bees, I am very concerned about *you* and your safety. 

 

I’m sorry if I missed this, but where is his family? Is there any other support for him besides you? I just am not sure how you are able to deal with this by yourself. It really sounds like he needs more than just a few days at a facility. It seems the medications are causing more problems than they are helping, and that the right combination for him hasn’t been found yet. 

 

I really don’t know what to say. I would have a hard time advising my daughter to remain in this situation. Your safety and own mental wellness need to come first. Are there any support groups out there or any ways to talk with people in similar situations? This is way too much for one person to cope with by herself. 

 

I am not a huge outwardly religious person, but you are most definitely in my thoughts and prayers right now. I am going to see if I can maybe I can find some support information for you. I know very little about this, but I feel like I need to reach out and try to help you in some way. 🙂

 

Edit: Here are some support groups–I’m not sure how effective they are, but maybe they can help: 

http://www.mdjunction.com/forums/bipolar-spouses-discussions

http://www.bpso.org/

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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