Post # 1
Does anyone else have a father but would like to walk by themselves down the isle?
The short story – I have a father but he has been rather absent for my entire life. I am close to his family and I try hard to support him, but he really isn’t someone who has the right to give me away. I essentially raised myself and have been on my own since I was 16. I want to walk myself down the isle to the man of my dreams, and don’t feel like my overly dramatic father has any right to give me away as if he worked to raise me, and has walked with me through life till this point.
Anyway, has anyone else made the choice to walk themselves down the isle? How did you tell your father? How did that conversation go?
Post # 3
for my first marriage I walked myself down the isle and I have a loving supporting stepfather. He raised me and has really been in my life since I was a few months old. I never had a close relationship with my biological father.
I just didnt like the idea that just my dad (stepdad, whatever) could give me away.
I walked down the isle alone and when the officiant asked who gives me away everyone there said “we do”.
I liked that it was my family and my friends and everyone giving me away because it wasnt just my dad.
Post # 4
@panterapeach: That sounds nice. Did you have to have a conversation with him about it? Did he assume that he would walk you?
Post # 5
I also walked myself down the aisle, and I also wrestled with the decision and how to handle it so as not to upset anyone. My parents are divorced and, ironically, it was my mother who had the hard time with my decision–she didn’t want my walking by myself to somehow be interpreted as her being bitter toward my father.
Anyway, the point is, I just framed the whole thing as my not wanting to be “given away” by anyone, rather than my not wanting to be given away by my dad. That way it didn’t seem like a dis against him, but just like a personal decision that I would have made regardless. This wasn’t *exactly* true, but it did help keep the peace. Good luck!
Post # 6
@peacegrl099:much like stillme. I framed it as me not wanting to be given away by one person. honestly, they werent too upset with my decision. I just stood my ground and make a strong argument that I didnt want to exclude anyone in giving me away.
Post # 7
Along the lines of what PP have said, I think the best way to go about it is to tell a little white lie. Tell your dad that it is old-fashioned and that most brides you know walk themselves down the aisle nowadays. It’s true that a lot of women do this (or meet their FH halfway), and it would eliminate the need to talk about how he was absent from your life, you don’t feel comfortable, etc.
Post # 8
I can completely understand that. My father was/is the same way! He has always been absent! I asked my grandfather to walk me because he has been there for me whenever I needed something or someone! When I did talk to my father about the wedding, he asked if he was the one walking me just so he knew if he has to get a tux. He wasnt that interested in really being the person to walk me, just if he had to get a tux or not! I personally believe that its your wedding, and you have the right to have it your way! I would just be poliet and explain that this is how you want it.
Post # 9
Since I’m super vain. . .my current reasoning for taking the walk solo? I don’t want anyone obstructing the full view of my dress.
Post # 10
I am having my dad walk me down the isle because we are very close.
However, I am not anybody’s to give away so we are omitting the part where I am given away from our ceremony. That whole tradition makes my skin crawl because to me it seems so sexist.
In your case, however, I would walk myself down the isle. If you aren’t interested in being “given away” and you and your dad don’t have a great relationship, then he shouldn’t be the one to walk you.
Remember that it’s the 21st century, a lot of things have changed since the days when marriage was a business transaction, and today women are doing things in their own fun and unique ways. There’s no point in following tradition for tradition’s sake, especially when it doesn’t make sense for you!
Good luck with your choice 🙂
Post # 11
Yea, I am deffinitly decided that I want to walk by myself. I just really don’t want to hurt feelings or cause drama. As much as he hasn’t been a great dad, I still don’t want to make him feel bad on our wedding day.
I know it is our day, and we will do it the way that we want. I hope I will find a way to deal with it conflict free.
Post # 12
At my first wedding, the groom’s parents both walked him down the aisle, and my parents both walked me down the aisle. That way, it was a question of both of us acknowledging our roots, rather than anyone being given away.
At my second wedding, there were two brides, and the two of us walked together down the aisle.
Post # 13
My father and I have never had a good relationship, and he has a history of being verbally, emotionally, and physically abusive. Unfortunately, my mom has not gathered the strength to leave him yet. I’ve always known that I didn’t want to have him walk me down the aisle, and I definitely didn’t want him to “give me away”.
We never really discussed it, since I assumed if I didn’t explicitly ask him, he would assume he wasn’t doing it. Well, I assumed wrong, and we had a huge blow up at the rehearsal, and he called me and my poor mother up the morning of the wedding to scream at us and say all kinds of nasty things to me. Needless to say, he didn’t get his way, I walked myself down, and we’re no longer speaking to each other.
Post # 14
My father left when I was 10 and pretty much stayed absent for the next 23 years. When my mother died 3 years ago he tried to be a little more involved in my life but realized that too much time had passed to really reconnect. When I got engaged, I wasn’t even sure he would come to the wedding but lo and behold he did, but I still walked down the aisle alone. It was never discussed, he never asked and I never told him. It’s just the way it was and it was perfect.
Post # 15
@BrooklynBride10: wow. I’m really sorry to hear that. It can’t be very fun. Just the kind of unneeded stress that I would like to avoid on our wedding day.
I would like to believe that my father wouldn’t assume that he is walking me but for some reason I think that he will. I think he will feel entitled to walk me, and I just don’t want that.
I am truely sorry to hear about your situation.
Post # 16
I’ve been married once before and for my 1st wedding my mother walked me down the aisle. A bit untraditional but my father was also absent the majority of my life…he wasn’t even invited to my wedding to be honest. My grandfather was the one I’d planned on walking me down the aisle but he passed away a couple years before I got married. So I felt it was fitting that the one person who’d always been there and had given up everything for me to have that privelege, my mom.
This time around I have 2 boys and plan for them to walk me down the aisle. If not then I’ll walk on my own.