Post # 1
i might be overreacting but I’m pretty pissed off right now. Actually, just disappointed. I think I’m more disappointed that my husband was stupid enough to let me catch him more than the fact he was having a wank. It’s not the first time and he knows how much I hate it. Well, I don’t HATE it, I just don’t ever want to know about it. It just makes me feel so inadequate. We even had sex yesterday but he didn’t orgasm even though we tried for about an hour or so. I even said we could try again tomorrow (today).
he doesn’t normally have a problem orgasming, just lately we’ve been trying different positions so I think the over excitement is playing with his head.
anyway so I caught him sneaking back in to the room last night, he was acting suspicious as hell, so I questioned him and he pretended like he was ‘just getting pyjamas’. I think I’ve seen him wear pyjamas once – it was a terribly stupid lie – I knew what was going on, then I woke up and found he’d pinched my knickers and when I confronted him (on the phone after he went out) he admitted to wanking in the middle of the night and lying to my face when I questioned him.
so I went off my head at him for lying to me and now I’ve moved to the spare room where I intend to stay for a week or so.
i just want to know how everyone else feels about this, so I’ve added a poll 🙂
would YOU be pissed off? (Please be honest with yourself) or would you be like ‘oh babe why didn’t you wake me up from my peaceful slumber instead?
Post # 3
The fact that he is a liar is the big issue for me. Lying is totally unacceptable.
Post # 4
I’m sorry, but I definitely think you’re overreacting.
Post # 5
I think he needs privacy 🙂
Post # 6
You are being a bit crazy and over the top.
Guess what my guy does when he takes longer showers? I don’t question him and start an argument. It’s natural and we have a healthy sex life. You need to get over it.
Post # 7
He is only lying because you’ve stigmatized something that is totally normal. Not only should he masturbate, but you probably should to. Instead of making it about you not being able to satisfy him, understand that it isn’t about you. Do some research on the health benefits of masturbation.
Post # 8
Honestly, I don’t care if my fi were to do such a thing. The lying is the part i’d have a problem with. ONE time, before we got together, he lied to me about having a previous relationship with a girl I could I didn’t like, at all. After we got involved, he would act goofy when I said her name. And eventually, he told me that he had had sex with her [before we were together]. It had hurt he kept this from me. And I told him if he EVER lied again, no matter how much it might hurt my feelings to know the truth – that’d we be done. I don’t lie to him, I would like the same in return.
As for the one hand mamba – Everyone gets urges. Sometimes I make plans with my self when he’s not around, I assume he does the same. [In fact, I know he does the same]. It doesn’t bother me, and I find it quite normal. Then again, I also don’t care if he watches porn. Hell, I like porn!
Post # 9
I mean, lying isn’t good, but you did confront him about something many people find very shameful/embarrassing. I think it’s unfortunate that he would have to feel the need to sneak around about it. If he were looking at pictures or clips of other women while doing it I could maybe understand feeling a little jealous, but you said he even took your underwear. Give the poor guy a break.
Post # 10
I’ve taken care of myself while my husband is asleep! And I’d most likely lie to him if he were to catch me… It’s not a sign that our relationship is in jeopardy~ it’s embarrassment. Give the guy some space.
Post # 11
@KellyLouise: This wouldn’t bother me at all. My fiance jerks off sometimes and I masturbate sometimes (sorry for the Too Much Information, but I’m just being honest). It has nothing to do with being unable to pleasure each other … Sometimes, though, the mood strikes and the other person is unavailable, asleep, sick, not in the mood, etc.
I guess I just don’t see the big deal. I agree with subtlebee’s comment that he likely lied about it because you’ve stigmatized it.
Post # 12
Yikes… I think making masturbation a shameful thing is a dangerous road to go down in the first place. While he shouldn’t be lying to you I think you should really consider why it bothers you so much. A little self-exploration and pleasure is completely normal, and I think actually good for both your sex lives.
Jeez, I do myself probably a couple times a week. It’s not that I don’t like what my husband does, but there’s something about being able to be completely selfish about it that sometimes gives it the edge over sex with partner. You don’t have to lay there and feel bad about your mind wandering to fantasies, wondering if it feels good for him, or if his neck, arms, tongue whatever are getting tired, or if your butt’s jiggling too much to be cute. And it helps me direct him to what feels good when we do have time together.
So, yes, I think he shouldn’t have lied, but you need to stop making it a taboo.
Post # 13
@subtlebee: I don’t know if researching the health benefits are really gona change how I feel about wanking 😐 it’s been an ongoing issue ive had for years.
i understand that ‘all’ guys do it, and I KNOW that my guy does it regularly, but I’ve made it quite clear that I would rather him do it while I’m not in the house and don’t let me know about it. It’s like some people have a problem with strippers… I don’t. I just don’t like the idea of my man jerking off in the next room, it just seems disrespectful and icky.
Anyway, I’ll get over it but in the meantime I’m in the spare room so he can wank all he likes and not have to hide it from me and I can pretend like I’m husbandless for a week and he can make his own goddam dinners and wash his own goddam work clothes.
Post # 14
You seriously want to sleep in another room over this for a week? Sorry, that is way overreacting to me.
At some point, even if you don’t like it, I think you have to accept that masturbating is natural for a lot of people. It’s not worth shaming your husband about, nor turning it into such a huge issue in your marriage. You say you just don’t want to know about it, but then question him and harass him until he admits it, and then get pissed at the truth. There was no way for him to escape this without getting in trouble, and that’s just not fair.
Moral of the story…pick your battles.
Post # 15
@KellyLouise: I’m sorry, but this is very childish. You say you’re over it, but you want to pretend you’re husbandless? So.. he’s wifeless. I’m not very certain I would like where that’s headed.
Post # 16
@KellyLouise: Do what you feel is best for you. For better or for worst it’s your relationship. If he is cool with you limiting that particular impulse then I won’t judge!