(Closed) Wanna say “F… it!” and head to Vegas

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

My matron of honor has not done her part……..I would hire a wedding coordianator if I could afford it- but I can’t.

so you were planning on your Maid/Matron of Honor being your unpaid wedding coordinator???

Post # 4
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Have you hired a caterer? We had a wedding coordinator and she was terrible so we had to let her go. I was panicking about who would be helping with a lot of the little things, and our caterer actually said that they do a lot of coordinating type things too and relieved me of some stress. Just a thought.

Post # 4
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Have you hired a caterer? We had a wedding coordinator and she was terrible so we had to let her go. I was panicking about who would be helping with a lot of the little things, and our caterer actually said that they do a lot of coordinating type things too and relieved me of some stress. Just a thought.

Post # 5
Member
1636 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

My feeling is, there’s nothing wrong with asking for help.  But you shouldn’t base your wedding plans on the expectation that other people will help you carry them out.  First of all, it just doesn’t benefit you to bite off more than you can chew, and then be stuck with it when you realize the help you assumed would be there doesn’t come through.  Second, I’m not sure how much you’ve asked this girl to do, but there’s only so much you can expect of people.

(Caveat: In a perfect world, your Maid/Matron of Honor, who I assume is a very good friend, otherwise she wouldn’t be your Maid/Matron of Honor, would want to help and would be excited for you.  She might be dealing with some issues of her own – but a few rants on facebook is pretty common and doesn’t mean someone is self-absorbed, so I’m not sure how much that has to do with this issue.)

I don’t think you should choose an Maid/Matron of Honor based on how much legwork they can put into the wedding – it’s an honor position chosen because you love and trust the person.  If you’re starting to feel like this person just isn’t being a friend to you and/or isn’t even interesting in hearing about wedding plans whatsoever, then maybe there’s a deeper issue you need to address.

Don’t set yourself up for plans that depend on other people for their implementation, if all signs point to those people not being interested or not following through.  Scale things down to something you can handle by yourself and with the help you already have (I believe you said your cousin is willing and able?)  If the best man won’t get back to you about his daughter, let it go.  Shelve that idea and make other plans you know you can execute without unnecessary hassle.

Post # 8
Member
3049 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

We’ve said that a few times. We have drama with the family on and off. And when it comes to deadlines, it seems like nobody cares but me. I haven’t asked anyone to do anything except get dresses/suits by a certain date. I understand that nobody is as focused on our wedding as we are. But I wish people would at least get things done by deadlines that they know about for months. Oh well. We are still excited to get married with all of our guests ๐Ÿ™‚ I don’t think my mom would be happy about us going to Vegas, and in the long run, we’ll be happy that we shared the moment with our loved ones. Try to just be happy in the moment, and look forward to your marriage. That’s the only advice that has helped me thus far. 7 more weeks! ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 12
Member
2907 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

FYI If you live in Hawaii— the state of Hawaii does not recognize Las Vegas weddings. Look into it.

 

 

I’m sorry it’s so stressful. ๐Ÿ™ It is certainly not an easy thing to plan a wedding!

 

 

Post # 13
Member
1636 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

It sounds like you’re dealing with someone who expects you to do a lot for her and isn’t willing to do anything for you, which is unfortunate, and as I said, there are probably deeper issues here in terms of your friendship.  I really didn’t mean to criticize – I was just trying to get the full story.  (The reason I mentioned stuff going on in her life is you seemed to put some meaning behind these FB posts of hers, so I was trying to understand that.)

But the main point of my post was to make sure that you are not putting a lot of your plans in the hands of people who have demonstrated they are not willing to help.  I think it will save you some sanity.

Let me ask you this – I totally understand the “I want to be done with this nonsense and just elope” feeling, and I’m sure everyone has it at some point – but exactly what planning difficulties are you hoping to eliminate by just moving the wedding to a different location?  I mean, I can understand people wanting to have a destination wedding to cut down on the guests list drama and budget issues…but if your concerns are over being able to arrange tangible items like a dress or cardstock, will these problems be eliminated by moving the wedding (especially if you’re considering still having a reception back at home)?  Will you no longer have the need for a dress or invitations?  These aren’t sarcastic, rhetorical questions – I’m curious, and I think you can probably deal with some of this stress if you pinpoint exactly what it is you need that’s difficult for you to get done, and ask yourself will that problem go away based on the solution you’re thinking of.  Would it be a possibility to still have your wedding near home but just make it a more low-key affair overall?

Post # 15
Member
1636 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I hope it works out for you!  You definitely aren’t obligated to pay for bridesmaids’ dresses and groomsmen’s attire, though…most people know what they’re getting into when they agree to be in a wedding party, and as long as the attire is reasonably priced there’s no problem expecting them to buy their own…

 

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