(Closed) Want another child but unwilling to go through another pregnancy

posted 9 years ago in Pregnancy
  • poll: For those of you who planned on more than one child, but hated pregnancy...

    In spite of wanting a second child, I decided not to have one after pregnancy with the first.

    I hated being pregnant, but sucked it up to have a 2nd/3rd child anyway.

  • Post # 3
    5669 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2010

    I am only 7w3d and I already said to DH that I can’t imagine having more children and if it doesn’t get better than we will be lucky if we have one more. I am hoping after the 1st trimester I will be back to my old self and will forgot how bad I feel now.

    Post # 4
    1682 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I totally get what you’re feeling. I’m still puking and I’m 18 weeks! Plus the pain, the extreme exhaustion, just …. everything. I do not enjoy being pregnant, but ultimately I think I’ll suck it up and try again for a second. They do say that every pregnancy is different, although if the second one is as rough as the first, there will be no third (I ultimately want/wanted three).

    Post # 5
    9024 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    @PandasWifey:  Since your still in the early-ish stages of your pregnancy you really cant tell how you will feel about everything once the baby arrives and the pregnancy is behind you. You might decide that the baby is worth stress of the pregnancy. Thats the reason women go through labor multiple times because in hindsight “its all worth it”

    I am currently 35 weeks and sometimes I wonder how people go through it multiple times. I have days where I feel like once this baby is out I wont got through this again, but then on good days I cant wait to have more than one child playing with each other. I also try to look at the other side and think of the people that are trying really hard and spending lots of money to get pregnant and I just try be to thankful that i didnt have to go through that

    Post # 7
    817 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    I felt like that at first myself, and it has been over 3 years since we had our son. Now though I would go through it all again and I did not have an easy pregnancy. I ended up having carpal tunnel, borderline gestational diabetes, pre eclampsia, severe swelling in my feet, I also have HPV and had a genital herpes outbreak (treatment – acid on your vajayjay) HURTS!, with the carpal tunnel I had to wear hand and wrist guards every night, and a few other issues. And I still would go through it again to have another child. No way to know until the actual time you want to start TTC again. Good luck with all of your ladies pregnancies, it is sooo worth it IMO.

    Post # 8
    339 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2009

    @PandasWifey:  I have always wanted to have two children. I have wanted to have a baby for the past 6 years and heard horror stories about pregnancy but I don’t think anything can prepare you. I have not had a pleasant pregnancy at all. My pregnancy began with really painful/crippling gas pains, then weeks of feeling like I had food poisoning, and now it’s just constant pain in too many places to name (and I refuse to take anything for it) but it hurts to walk, to sit, to sleep! I can’t wait to be done and have my body back. I’ve been telling my husband that we either have one or we’re adopting next time. (I’m almost 37wks).

    All of that being said. I have no idea how I am going to feel once I hold my baby for the first time. I know how badly I wanted to have a baby and that same yearning might make me suck it up and do this all again to have another one.

    Post # 9
    3770 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: December 1999

    I would definately wait until after you have settled in as mom to think more about it. Pregnancy is rough , the first few weeks are rough and then you settle in and can honestly forget how bad things were, at least that is the case for me. Everyone’s different, but I do know quit a few people who feel the same way. During my last pregnancy I said never again and now we have been trying for 8 months, so feelings do change, lol.

    Post # 10
    1733 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I didn’t mind being pregnant the first time second time I hated it.  With the second baby the after cramps were so painful ( because of my uterus trying to get back to normal after being stretched for a second time) I will not be having anymore.

    Post # 11
    6009 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2009

    My only advice would be to give yourself a little time and distance from pregnancy before you make this decision final.  Even the hardest struggles look different from the other side.  Also, having a second baby doesn’t necessarily mean going through a second pregnancy.  A very good friend of mine just adopted her second daughter after a really hard (physically, emotionally, career-wise, etc…) first pregnancy.  They’re incredibly happy and they found a way to complete their family without suffering through another pregnancy.  ๐Ÿ™‚

    ETA: I just reread your post, and realized I missed the part about adoption not being an option for your family.  What about surrogacy?  You could still have a biological child without going through a physical pregnancy again.

    Post # 13
    1854 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    View original reply
    @PandasWifey:  Depending on location, I think private surrogacy contracts usually range from $20k-50k.  Not cheap.  

    I went from wanting 2/maybe 3 kids, and after my m/c and subsequent hellish pregnancy and a child who didn’t sleep through the night for the first 24 months, I was done.  Still am done.  One and done!  Nothing wrong with it, in my opinion, but I do agree with the others to a point; wait until you’ve had the baby and then a good year after before you start thinking about number 2.  Keep an open mind right now, and then when you’re not under a fog of hormone induced migraine pain/sleeplessness/etc, you’ll be able to really sit down and consider whether you want another child.  

    Post # 14
    2695 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2008

    I agree with PP – I would wait a year after having the baby to make any final decisions.  While you might not forget how bad the pregnancy is , you might decide its worth going through again once you actually are a mom.  Then again, you might decide that being pregnance and miserable AND having a child to take care of in the midst of it is the last thing you would want ๐Ÿ™‚

    Same for your husband – let’s say you are not willing to go through pregnancy again, but the experience of being a dad changes his mind on the whole money side (eg making surrogacy an option).

    there are lots of options, including being perfectly content with one child, which many people are!

    good luck with the next 20 weeks, sorry to hear the first half has been so miserable.

    Post # 15
    7581 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2010

    I hate being pregnant. My pregnancy has been awful. I have made the decision to not have another child. DH is getting snipped ๐Ÿ™‚

    I am in a different situation though as technially this is our second since I have a bonus son from DH’s first marriage. So any concerns I had about siblings is out the window. 

    Post # 16
    1820 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    View original reply
    @PandasWifey:  A good friend of mine was exactly the same way.  She had a terrible time with pregnancy, was really uncomfortable, the whole deal.  But she really wanted two kids.  She ended up getting pregnant again, but hated every single second of that pregnancy – she said it was even worse than the first because she knew what to expect, but that it was well worth it to have her two little girls.  She got her tubes tied during the second’s birth.

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