(Closed) Want Baby #2 but Husband doesnt …bummed

posted 8 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
2007 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I’m sorry!  That doesn’t sound fun at all.  What are his reasons for wanting to wait?

Post # 4
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@s_h_e_l_b_s: ohhh yess, been there, done that.  it really sucked, too.   It was always “later” or “when it’s more feasable” (not that I could really argue the logic… still sucked hearing it put off constantly…)

As for how long it took, well, it’s taken two years to get to where he says we can afford it and not be slicing our own throats financially speaking, that is.  and OF COURSE he was the one deciding it.  (to be fair, he was also right, damn it! LOL!)

Try talking it out and asking “why”. Why this, why that and “please explain because I don’t understand” also tends to help… at least in my experience. 

Maybe you can explain to him why now would be the BEST time to have another, instead of later, it will help.  (It’s why I couldn’t argue on waiting… he defeated me with logic.)

good luck!  and I’m sorry to hear you’re having a rough time.  ๐Ÿ™ 

Post # 6
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@s_h_e_l_b_s: ummmm, I would’ve smacked him for that! LOL!  For what it’s worth, my son is 8, my daughter is 4, and I want another and (yay!) my fi has finally agreed now would be an okay time.  (of course, I think he’s also still making up for something that happened not to long ago, too, which had me seriously pissed and questioning us, lol… emotional blackmail? possibly! but he’d NEVER admit it, lol.).

 Have you two sat down and really discussed this?  Did he give you an idea of WHEN he’d be open to another?  Or just a “not now” answer?  I pinned my Fiance down and that’s when I got the answers I did.  Of course, he also knew I was really disappointed and upset about it constantly being put off, too…

Perhaps you could also discuss a financial arrangement where he would have no logical reason to object.  Unless it’s, heavens forbid and I’m hoping it won’t be this!, because he just doesn’t want another.  I’m hoping that’s not it, cause I can imagine the pain that would be!  (well, no, I don’t have to imagine it, cause that’s how I thought my Fiance felt, so yeah, can so sympathize and empathize with you.)

I’m so so sorry!!!  would it help if I just said “men” in that typical female scathing voice that usually makes all us girls laugh when we hear it???? (that is mean in jest, btw!)

Post # 8
Member
1115 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

@s_h_e_l_b_s: Hmm, maybe he overexerted himself with the first one and that’s why he doesn’t want another? I think there are certain things we do in life that are so hard on us that, while we don’t regret doing them, we could never commit to doing them again. If this is something you REALLY REALLY want, which it sounds like you do, have you thought about suggesting that you’d take 90% of the responsibility for all those things (late night feedings, diaper changes etc.) until the baby is a little older? I know it’s a lot of work, but maybe that’s a sacrifice you’d be willing to make. Honestly, I’m not even a mommy yet so if I sound completely stupid here you’ll have to forgive me ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 9
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@s_h_e_l_b_s: hehehehe, glad to help! ๐Ÿ˜€ let us (or at least me) know how it goes!!!!  Defeat him with logic!!!! (and tears… tears often help too! use your best feminine weapon and logic!!!!)

good luck!!!!!

Post # 10
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@s_h_e_l_b_s: hehehehe, glad to help! ๐Ÿ˜€ let us (or at least me) know how it goes!!!!  Defeat him with logic!!!! (and tears… tears often help too! use your best feminine weapon and logic!!!!)

good luck!!!!!

Post # 11
Member
1212 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Maybe he is so in love with your son he can’t imagine being able to love another as much. I remember when I was 8 my dad met my stepmum I was so worried he would have to love us less to ‘make room’ in his heart for her, and he told me that he used to think love worked like that, untill my little sister was born, and then he realised that adding another child doesn’t take love away from the first born, it just makes the parents heart grow twice as big. Its like the sweetest thing he has ever said.

I’d try to work out a timeline. Mr. Roux and I want at least 3 kids and we have agreed to start trying in late 2014, then have a 3 year gap, then another in 1-2 years. Also 2nd borns are usually cheaper cos you already have baby stuff, and they can share things. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 13
Member
2007 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Oh wow!  That’s great you guys are on the same page again!  Congrats!

Post # 14
Member
5496 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2010

Yay! That’s great news!!!!

The topic ‘Want Baby #2 but Husband doesnt …bummed’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors