Post # 1
We have been able to come to a compromise. Someone suggested that he could continue his job for a couple of years, so that we can save as much as possible. Then he can go for the career change he wants, to have a job with no travel or less travel, and then we can TTC again and then I can be a stay at home mom after that. I discussed this with him and he was annoyed because he once again said that I was doing a 180, but ultimately he agreed because it matters very much to me. The only problem is that I’m worried about fertility as I’ll be 33 or older with the first child and we want a second, which will probably after the age of 35. Fingers crossed it will be fine though.
Post # 2
While it’s great that you could compromise, you should think about whether your husband will be able to cope with the stress and tiredness that comes with constant travelling for another 2+ years. This compromise really isn’t a compromise to be frank. It’s just you getting your way because you are insisting on being a stay at home mum even though there are other options that would take away the stress that your husband is dealing with sooner, like you working part-time or in a more flexible job.
Post # 3
How much stress and fatigue is your husbands current job actually causing him? Will another few years completely burn him out? I thought that was one of the major reasons for the career change.
Post # 4
tobeeeornottobeee : I agree. This doesn’t sound like a compromise from where I’m sitting
Post # 5
- Wedding: January 2021 - City, State
tobeeeornottobeee : 100% agree with this, this absolutely isn’t a compromise. Op is getting exactly what she wants. Poor husband
Post # 6
I would be careful with counting on fertility. By 30 I was struggling to get pregnant. My early 20’s and you could look at me and I was pregnant. By late 20’s it was a whole different ball game. If you want children, don’t put it off.
I became a stay at home mom when I went back to work and daycare was my salary and it was costing the husband at the time to put gas in my car and pay all my other expenses.
so I suggest you give in to his career change, get pregnant, start paying that daycare bill and he will quickly realize it’s better for a parent to be home. This worked for me with two different kids and two different men.
Post # 7
penny1403 : She said in her other thread that the grandparents had offered to look after grandkids assuming she would continue working full-time, so they don’t even need daycare.
Post # 8
As a compromise why don’t you take on the extra work so you can build the savings to fund something you want? Him continuing in a job he hates, that is stressful and involves lots of traveling so he can earn more money to save for you leaving the workforce doesn’t really sound like a compromise and it doesn’t seem like your husband feels it is a compromise either.
penny1403 : So your advice is for OP to get pregnant as soon as possible, knowing they have no savings, so that she can trick her husband into paying for her to stay home?
Post # 9
I don’t know, I mean, if my husband told me he is burning out and cannot take it anymore, I couldn’t ask him to do it for another two years because MAYBE I’ll get pregnant and I’ll want to stay home.
Let your husband change his career and focus on his mental health, then in 2 years you’ll figure it out with the money you have, and if you dont have enough you’ll go back to work after a few months.
You are even blessed with your in-laws help, not everyone has that.
Post # 10
zzar45 : I did a double take at the end of that comment too. Wonder if she’s still with the last one?
Post # 11
mistymist7 : After reading your previous post this douesn’t really sound like a compromise tbh.
But good for you I guess.
Post # 12
penny1403 : definitely solid advice, both for parenting and her marriage. The best relationships are the ones based on tricking your partner.
In fact, lying about birth control might be a great solution too. Get pregnant by “accident”, and REALLY force him to man up.
Post # 13
- Wedding: June 2007 - City, State
mistymist7 : what is his current schedule just out of curiosity? How many hours per week and how often does he travel?
Post # 14
- Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle
penny1403 : or she might not, and might be like me who is pregnant at 39 with under six months trying. Tricking your partner really isn’t a solid foundation for a relationship.
Post # 15
I barely followed the other thread since tensions got so high. I’m a Stay-At-Home Mom and fully understand why it can be so important to you. That being said, I also don’t understand that if you’re willing to wait another 2 years to TTC, why can’t you both make career changes until then? Your husband needs to look for a less stressful job, and you could look at getting another part-time or higher paying position yourself to make up for the possible pay cut, before you even have a baby.
…And that’s the other thing, has he even pursued other job options yet? How do y’all know taking a job with less stress/travel is going to be a guaranteed pay cut? I’d say both of you should start a job search ASAP and start saving as much as you can.