(Closed) Want to be a stay at home mom but husband not supportive- Update

posted 2 weeks ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
275 posts
Helper bee

While it’s great that you could compromise, you should think about whether your husband will be able to cope with the stress and tiredness that comes with constant travelling for another 2+ years. This compromise really isn’t a compromise to be frank. It’s just you getting your way because you are insisting on being a stay at home mum even though there are other options that would take away the stress that your husband is dealing with sooner, like you working part-time or in a more flexible job.

Post # 3
Member
492 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: City, State

How much stress and fatigue is your husbands current job actually causing him? Will another few years completely burn him out? I thought that was one of the major reasons for the career change.

Post # 4
Member
492 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: City, State

tobeeeornottobeee :  I agree. This doesn’t sound like a compromise from where I’m sitting

Post # 5
Member
1210 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2021 - City, State

tobeeeornottobeee :  100% agree with this, this absolutely isn’t a compromise. Op is getting exactly what she wants. Poor husband 

Post # 6
Member
971 posts
Busy bee

I would be careful with counting on fertility. By 30 I was struggling to get pregnant. My early 20’s and you could look at me and I was pregnant. By late 20’s it was a whole different ball game. If you want children, don’t put it off.

I became a stay at home mom when I went back to work and daycare was my salary and it was costing the husband  at the time to put gas in my car and pay all my other expenses.

so I suggest you give in to his career change, get pregnant, start paying that daycare bill and he will quickly realize it’s better for a parent to be home. This worked for me with two different kids and two different men. 

Post # 7
Member
275 posts
Helper bee

penny1403 :  She said in her other thread that the grandparents had offered to look after grandkids assuming she would continue working full-time, so they don’t even need daycare.

Post # 8
Member
5720 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

As a compromise why don’t you take on the extra work so you can build the savings to fund something you want?  Him continuing in a job he hates, that is stressful and involves lots of traveling so he can earn more money to save for you leaving the workforce doesn’t really sound like a compromise and it doesn’t seem like your husband feels it is a compromise either. 

penny1403 : So your advice is for OP to get pregnant as soon as possible, knowing they have no savings, so that she can trick her husband into paying for her to stay home? 

Post # 9
Member
40 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2019

I don’t know, I mean, if my husband told me he is burning out and cannot take it anymore, I couldn’t ask him to do it for another two years because MAYBE I’ll get pregnant and I’ll want to stay home. 

Let your husband change his career and focus on his mental health, then in 2 years you’ll figure it out with the money you have, and if you dont have enough you’ll go back to work after a few months. 

You are even blessed with your in-laws help, not everyone has that.

Post # 10
Member
226 posts
Helper bee

zzar45 :  I did a double take at the end of that comment too. Wonder if she’s still with the last one?

Post # 11
Member
226 posts
Helper bee

mistymist7 :  After reading your previous post this douesn’t really sound like a compromise tbh.

But good for you I guess.

Post # 12
Member
4058 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

penny1403 :  definitely solid advice, both for parenting and her marriage. The best relationships are the ones based on tricking your partner. 

In fact, lying about birth control might be a great solution too. Get pregnant by “accident”, and REALLY force him to man up.

Post # 13
Member
698 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2007 - City, State

mistymist7 :  what is his current schedule just out of curiosity? How many hours per week and how often does he travel?

Post # 14
Member
2713 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

penny1403 :  or she might not, and might be like me who is pregnant at 39 with under six months trying.  Tricking your partner really isn’t a solid foundation for a relationship.

Post # 15
Member
913 posts
Busy bee

I barely followed the other thread since tensions got so high. I’m a Stay-At-Home Mom and fully understand why it can be so important to you. That being said, I also don’t understand that if you’re willing to wait another 2 years to TTC, why can’t you both make career changes until then? Your husband needs to look for a less stressful job, and you could look at getting another part-time or higher paying position yourself to make up for the possible pay cut, before you even have a baby.

…And that’s the other thing, has he even pursued other job options yet? How do y’all know taking a job with less stress/travel is going to be a guaranteed pay cut? I’d say both of you should start a job search ASAP and start saving as much as you can. 

The topic ‘Want to be a stay at home mom but husband not supportive- Update’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors