Want to be supportive but –

posted 2 months ago in Wedding Related
Post # 46
Member
6540 posts
Bee Keeper

The update it makes more sense but also not really.  If it was for covid reasons it makes sense since kids can’t get vaccinated yet and that adds to the risk but then why not say that? 

I’d probably still be hurt but it seems a bit different now … but only sort of.  

Post # 47
Member
1773 posts
Buzzing bee

So are his siblings invited or not? Seems unnecessarily exclusionary tbh xo 

Post # 48
Member
13812 posts
Honey Beekeeper

The sister and fiance might rather blame expenses than express additional concerns. Those could include the possibility that one or more of the siblings is living a more “liberal” Covid lifestyle than they are comfortable with, particularly with their own children and grandmother in attendance. As per the CDC, the fewer the number of households included at any group gathering at this time, the safer it is.

I would not characterize the sister as lying to say she’s not having a wedding reception even if she, or perhaps one or both of the sets of parents is planning to take a few people out to a restaurant that day. 

Post # 49
Member
13812 posts
Honey Beekeeper

View original reply
@happyjuju: OP said only the parents, their grandmother, and the sister’s own children are invited. No siblings. 

Post # 50
Member
1536 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
@moschata:  Finally, the sister might have thought she and OP were close enough that OP would be secure enough in their relationship to be understanding.

I wouldn’t have been understanding in that scenario.  If I ranked in someone’s life as a best friend, that means I’m among the closest and most important people to them, so that if they needed to cut their wedding ceremony to the bare minimum, I’d still make the cut.

This is one of those situations where it honestly wouldn’t have been that much better had the OP’s sister had a talk with her, in advance, instead of springing it on her a month before the rescheduled wedding.  There is just no acceptable way to exclude the OP while including her parents and grandma if the OP is indeed that close to her sister.  None whatsoever.

Post # 51
Member
1773 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
@weddingmaven:  aaah okay thanks. 

I think that makes it more okay, but it’s understandable you feel hurt OP xoxo 

Post # 52
Member
572 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
@stateofbeeing:  Given your professed struggles with forming meaningful relationships, I wouldn’t expect you to understand (particularly in light of the selfishness displayed in this post and others).

Post # 53
Member
2183 posts
Buzzing bee

So if Covid is the reason for not inviting an extra 4 people, why on earth doesn’t the sister say so?!!!!  We are all used to hearing about weddings where guest lists have been cut to the bone due to Covid, or where couples have had to agonise over whether to invite siblings or grandparents because they can’t invite both due to restrictions.  I’m sure OP would have been understanding if sister had said ‘I’m devastated you can’t come, but we are only allowed x numbers due to Covid’.  Instead, the sister makes ridiculous excuses about cost or planning stress as a reason for excluding her.

We had a severely reduced wedding due to Covid restrictions.  Every single person was understanding of the reasons.  But I’m sure if we’d told people ‘we can’t have you come to our ceremony because it will cost too much’, they would have felt very differently.

Post # 54
Member
1536 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
@moschata:  You’re right, I don’t understand.  I’m not seeing where it’s selfish to say there’s no excuse for the treatment OP received from her sister.  People have the right to do whatever they want with their weddings.  But there are consequences to bad treatment of people.  Just like there are usually consequences for etiquette violations, even though people have the right to do whatever they want.

Post # 55
Member
572 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
@stateofbeeing:  As many have pointed out, when posting you have a tendency to center the situation in yourself and how you would feel–not in OP and not her sister.

Case in point: you wrote I wouldn’t have been understanding in that scenario.  If I ranked in someone’s life as a best friend, that means I’m among the closest and most important people to them, so that if they needed to cut their wedding ceremony to the bare minimum, I’d still make the cut.” 

Everything is about youyour feelings, and where you rank, and that’s why you have difficulty cultivating more than superficial friendships.

Post # 56
Member
781 posts
Busy bee

I’m sorry, this really sucks.  I am super close to my sister too.  She eloped, which made me sad – but it was literally just the two of them, so not remotely the same situation. 

My advice would be to gently tell her how sad it makes you.  If you don’t, you may regret it and tell her later when there is nothing that can be done to change it – and that will just make her feel bad.  If you tell her now, she may rethink her plans.  I agree with a PP who said she may just believe you are secure enough in your relationship to know this doesn’t show where you “rank” in her life (an awful concept in and of itself), and she may not realize how hurt you are.  I don’t think you should ask her to change her mind, but rather tell her you love her and will support her decision, but that it makes you sad to not be there with her.  At least that way she knows, and can finalize her decision with that in mind. 

Sending you love!

Post # 57
Member
1536 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
@moschata:  None of us are in the thread starter’s body.  How are any of us able to speak for her?  We all have to approach the situation as we would if we were in their shoes, no?  How else do we provide responses or advice?

Post # 59
Member
10651 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

View original reply
@stateofbeeing:  

I tend to agree here, my response was partly based on how l would feel had it happened to me l must confess.

Post # 60
Member
13812 posts
Honey Beekeeper

View original reply
@teaandcake: Again, it’s about a lot more than four extra people. Married couples are a social unit and it sounds as if some of these siblings would also expect or need to bring their children. If this is in part about Covid, not everyone wants to get into a debate, especially if you are dealing with siblings who have very different ideas about vaccination, masking, and distancing. 

The fact that OP never came back makes me wonder if she didn’t want to address some of these possible issues herself. 

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors