Post # 1
OK Bees, (get ready)
Let me preface this convo by saying that this particular friend of mine has always been uber high maintenance… always complaining about this friend or that… “I was there until the VERY end of HER bday party and stayed after hours, but she left at the end of mine,” … “This person isn’t coming to my annual holiday party” and “this person had the AUDACITY to say XYZ to me,” etc. She’s a very outspoken liberal, which is 90% of the reason I love her.
That said, I am having a destination wedding in Cabo San Lucas. Our RSVP reply date was April 1. Most of the delayed RSVP’s were for YES’s, as they made their travel reservations, or figured out their budget and if/when they could attend. Many friends emailed or called stating why the RSVP was delayed and asked if it would cause a problem.
To be honest, I assumed from the beginning that this friend wouldn’t come, having bought a new home with her husband about a year ago. Anyway, I got an email from her about two weeks ago – Sorry the RSVP was late and that it was “in the mail.”
I received it today (4/30), and it was a NO. I’m quite sure she knew when she received it that she would not be attending, and I feel SUPER irritated that she sent the RSVP in a month late for a no. Why couldn’t she just TELL me that a month ago so I didn’t have to wait?
If the shoe was on the other foot, we’d ALL hear about how incensed she was that X or Y friend had the GAUL to send in the RSVP a month late for a no.
I really want to tell her how I feel, given how she would react. The intelligent part of me says “let it go, crazy,” but my heart says, “call her out just like she would call you out.”
I am so mad right now I can’t even think. Any other friend and it is no issue. Given her vocal nature and double standards, it has become a huge one for me.
Post # 3
Maybe she was trying to figure out a way to come to your wedding and finally just came to the realization that she couldn’t. I would just let it go. At least she let you know, so you could budget accordingly.
Post # 4
Well, at least you get a holiday from her now? I would let it go.
Pick your battles! Enjoy your wedding away 🙂
Post # 5
yeah i would let it go. consider it a blessing that you dont have to deal with her on your wedding day. negative energy… ugh.
Post # 6
Your friend is being completely irritating, but I wouldn’t say anything at this point. It will come up in conversation someday and you can call her out then (and I would). And if you are lucky, it will be in the context of her complaining about someone else doing the same thing and maybe she will get a clue!
Post # 7
Just let it go you stated that she just bought a home with her husband and that you knew she wouldnt come. just use this as a lesson and move on and dont expect anything more or anything less from this person.
Post # 8
It’s something that would irritate me, but I think you probably should not say anything. Her offense as is, isn’t that great. And you don’t want to stoop to her level and look like the bad guy. (Then you’ll find yourself in an unfamiliar, uncomfortable place. Especially since I’m guessing she’d have no problem being snarky about you behind your back, for calling her out.)
But the next time she does this to a friend, you might want to nip her in the bud and tell her you don’t want to hear her complain about your other friends. And that she could try to be more forgiving of others shortcoming because NONE of us are perefect. And now you have an example to back it up 😉
Post # 9
Tough one… I’d say try and let it go. If you really can’t, maybe vent to a mutual friend who can commiserate (in a non-gossipy way) to get it off your chest. Give her the benefit of the doubt – they may have been trying to find a way to swing it, or hoping that it wouldn’t have to be a no.