(Closed) Want to Cancel my July Wedding

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2190 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@JulySarah: Is it possible to still elope? I know that sounds like bad advice, but seriously your step-mom and sister sound so selfish from your post. I am so sorry that they aren’t making this about you. The good side? You have a man who loves you and he has a supportive family–you will no longer need to turn to your family for anything. I think that is horrible that your father would leave after the father daughter dance–they all should be happy for you instead of being self centered.

Post # 4
Member
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I personally would still have the wedding. If my family was acting like that, I would. If they don’t come, they will regret it. And in the mean time? You have friends and family that aren’t being so self-centered coming to your wedding.

I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this 🙁 It’s really not fair!

Post # 5
Member
939 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

If you want an awesome wedding, have an awesome wedding.  With or without your family.  It sounds like they are trying to manipulate you, don’t let them do it.  Carry on with your plans.  Don’t let them rain on your parade. 

Post # 6
Member
63 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

You should still have your wedding!  It’s to celebrate your relationship and union with your fiance.  If your family doesn’t show up, it’s their loss.  You did everything you did to include them.

This is all about you.  I’m sorry you are going through this.  Heatherloveskenny is right – there’s still so much good in all of this!  Don’t lose sight of that.

Good luck!

Post # 7
Member
1830 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Oh wow, I don’t even know what to say – I am so upset for you.  I can’t believe how selfish and mean your stepmum and sister are being.  They’re making it all about themselves and giving no consideration to your thoughts and feelings at all!  Can you sit your sister down and have a heart to heart with her?  Tell her that it is important to you to celebrate your marriage to the man you love and that you would really like to have the people closest to you there.  Ask her what her objections are – you’re clearly not asking your family to contribute anything so what objection does she really have to you celebrating your marriage? 

As far as your stepmum, I think you’d be within your right to point out that she has attended weddings in the past and this is no different.  The bullshit excuse of not being able to afford the dress is ridiculous and I would let her know that you’d be really hurt if she couldn’t find it in herself to attend your wedding!  

In regards to you your dad – same thing.  This is his daughter getting married – he needs to be there by your side and if his wife can’t support that, then he maybe needs to set her straight that his children will always play as important, if not MORE important, role in his life than his wife.  A wedding comes along once in a lifetime and his wife’s reluctance to go because she “wouldn’t feel comfortable” is the most ridiculous, selfish excuse ever.  

Personally, I’d be inclined to disinvite them all and just celebrate with your FI’s family.   Ok, maybe not, but I’m really upset for you – I just can’t believe some people would be so selfish!!!!  I really hope this works out for you!  {hugs} 

Post # 8
Member
939 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Ree723: my initial reaction was to disinvite them all as well.

and about the dress…why can’t she wear something she wore to one of the previous weddings?

Post # 9
Member
4014 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I agree with Ree723 completely~!!

What is the DEAL?! Im so sorry you are going through this! What about what happens when your sister gets married? Does she expect you to fully support her? Im just horrified for you on all accounts. I would take my $9000 and elope. Dont let them rain on your parade! Youre getting MARIED!! Id have a HELL of of wedding/honeymoon far far away!! Feel free to invite your Fiances side for a little vacation to your wedding!!

Again, I am so sorry

Post # 10
Member
7779 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

So….. have you actually talked to your step-mom about this? Or is this all hear-say from your bratty sister? If this is all from your sister, maybe you should have a conversation with your dad and step-mother before you take any drastic steps. The truth of the situation might be different from what you are hearing.

Post # 11
Member
739 posts
Busy bee

Your sister does sound like a jealous brat who seems like the type that misery loves company. she is jealous that you are getting married and she is lonely. If I were in this situation. I would first sit down with your dad and tell him how you feel about everything. Then I would try and talk to or write letters to your sister and SM and let them know how you feel and why this is important to you that they support you. If you can you should do this before Easter, or they will use Easter and an excuse to justify their behavior. If they just can’t see past their selfish noses and support you on one of the biggest day’s of your life, then go on with out them. I know it may be hard for you to, but you are moving on with your life and starting your own family, including adding your FI’s family. Make sure the see all the photos after and they will really feel like they missed out. Don’t bow out of having the wedding you want because a handful of people have their heads up their butts. In the meantime I would limit your interactions with them, that is after you tell them how you feel and if they still are the same.

Post # 12
Member
3520 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I agree with zippy.  Maybe you should go talk to your stepmom.  If you can’t make it for Easter, send her some flowers to be delivered beforehand.

Post # 13
Member
2742 posts
Sugar bee

@zippylef: She talked to her. That’s when the step mum said she can’t afford the dress, when one was offered, she said she will be uncomfortable and she’s still not coming.

 

To the OP, I feel so horrible for you. I’m sorry you are going through this BUT I would not cancel my wedding for ANYTHING. It’s not your fault your family members are less than enthused about your wedding. I am glad your FI’s family is being so awesome about it. Please, celebrate your wedding the way you see fit. Don’t let their lack of enthusiasm dampen your glow. You have a new family that is welcoming to you (read the bee and you will see how lucky you are with your in laws) and you have friends who are happy for you. I think you should go ahead with your planning. Don’t try and change anyone’s mind again. It will just agitate you. And tell your family to quit with the manipulation already. You are not going  to be able to spend all sorts of holidays with them from now on. Thanksgiving, Xmas, Easter etc will have to be shared between families OR you and your new husband will want to celebrate on your own!

Post # 14
Member
948 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Do not not have your wedding day because your sister can’t get over herself and just be happy for you.

 

If you let your sister get her way in this situation what about when you’re pregnant first? Or when you buy a house first? Are you not going to have a baby or baby shower just because she’s jealous?

The people that love you will be there and your Dad will be there. I would talk with your step-mom again and tell her how much you want her there celebrating with you.

Also don’t give up on a bridal shower. Can you bring up the topic with your bridesmaids? Don’t miss out on things because your sister can’t get it together!

Post # 15
Member
9 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’d save the father-daughter dance for one of the last dances of the night, in spite of them…just saying 😉

Post # 16
Member
968 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@XxAries25xX: Ha! Good one!! Do it, OP! 

OP- I would definitely still have the wedding, and I would focus on all the caring, loving and supportive friends and family you will have there. I really do not understand where your step-mom is coming from at all, and your sister sounds like a brat. Hopefully your dad will decide to stay the whole time when it comes right down to it.

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