Post # 1
I will call her Wendy. I chose her because at the time, it seemed we were growing closer. She is the girlfriend of my FI’s best friend so I figured we would know each other forever if they stay together. In the past year, I’ve quickly realized she is not someone I even want to be ASSOCIATED with.
She’s the only bridesmaid I’ve complained about. It’s 44 days until the wedding. She has been negative about everything from the moment we got engaged, because she’s UBER jealous of us. Every little thing about this process has been negativity from her. The invitations? Don’t matter because she will just throw it away after opening it. The blinged out shoes? Why the effort. The wedding band? Looks cheap. The card box? No one will even notice it. The wedding dress? “Oh. That’s nice.” (monotone).
Wendy and my FI’s sister are the only two of my bm’s in town. The others planned a shower for me last weekend back home. FI’s sister offered to throw one for me here and asked if Wendy would want to co-host with her. I asked Wendy and her response (via text) was “No.” She said that it’s the weekend of her daughter’s birthday (totally lied, her daughters bday is the monday prior…i hardly consider that the weekend of her bday).
Last week she told me that my sister is driving her crazy with “stupid” details about this gift the bridesmaids were doing for me. I received a BEAUTIFUL photo book from them this weekend at my shower back home. Each of htem dedicated 4 pages to me with nice quotes and a personal message and photos of us. Wendy’s page? A raunchy, college poem about partying (ahem, we don’t party together, well, rarely, and we have only known each other for 2 years). Tons of swears, talking about drinking and getting laid…
And then a quote about friends that she obviously didnt even read because it doesn’t pertain at all to our relationship/friendship. Basically I’m embarrassed to even share the book with anyone. And afterwards I was talking to my sister about it and she told me that she had to pretty much harrass Wendy to even finish her pages. And she kept saying she would finish them but then my sister had to RUSH order the book because of her because she wouldn’t finish the pages. And all she added was that raunchy poem. There was not a single personal message on her pages.
I just want to say to Wendy, “If you don’t want to be in the wedding, you don’t have to.” but I know that she thinks everything is hunky-dory and fine and that it will burn the bridge with her. She’s the type who’s either your BFF or she’s your enemy.
ARGGG what do I do? Just wait it out….only 44 more days? Or say something?
Post # 3
I had to unbridesmaid a girl a while ago. She turned out to not be the girl I thought she was after a trip to vegas. Everyone told me I can’t do it, that when you ask someone, thats it. You have to stick with it. I did it anyway. But my wedding wasn’t for another year.
If this girl has already bought her dress and stuff for your wedding, I think it is too late. You probably thought that things would get better, but it sounds like this girl doesn’t care at all. Would you replace her if she said she didn’t want to be part of your day?
Post # 4
@Cdoonan: It is possible that my future sister in law could take her place and even wear her dress.
Otherwise I know it is super close to the wedding and I know she’ll still attend because her boyfriend is best man so it’s probably not worht it to start drama this close I guess.
Post # 5
It sounds as if you say something, if you unbridesmaid-her she’ll just be at the wedding and angry (although I suppose she could decide not to come?)
w/PP… I think if she bought the dress, etc… it might just be simplest in the grand scheme of the day to take the higher road, take everything she says with a grain of salt, and ask another Bridesmaid or Best Man you trust to at least make sure she gets into pictures, etc.
Post # 6
@atalante: Thanks. Guess I knew what to do, just needed to vent a little 🙂
Post # 7
Given that you are less than six weeks away from your wedding, i would not make any big changes like switching out your Bridesmaid or Best Man. even though you don’t like her anymore, she can make you life horrible and cause a scene at your wedding because you can’t disinvite her from your wedding. better to keep her happy and in check than to wonder what she is up to. If she really didn’t like you or want to be part of your wedding party, she would have dropped out all ready. I wouldn’t pick a fight with her now because it will just ruin your wedding day. Just distance yourself from her after the wedding.
Post # 8
Do you think she would do anything to sabotage your wedding?
Its up to you if she will bring you down on your day. Everyone will notice that she is being the lesser person and will think you are gracious for being above it.
BUT if you think she is going to cause a scene or might ruin your mood on YOUR day, its ok to be selfish!! From what you’ve said about her character, who knows how long her and your FI’s friend will even date? When you look back in 50 yrs at pics of your wedding, will it bother you if she is/isnt in them?
Just remember you will be surrounded with people you love on your wedding day. It is about you and your Fiance, not Wendy.