Want to elope but worried about regret…?

posted 2 months ago in Elopement
Post # 16
Member
89 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 1995

We were going to elope, but decided against it because at the time we thought we would be depriving our mothers of seeing their only children marry.  Now over 20 years later, I regret NOT eloping.  I would have rathered a beautiful, relaxing wedding day with just the two of us in a breezy tropical locale exchanging our vows. Instead I got a stressful day with my mother who was annoying as hell and my controlling Mother-In-Law as the cherry on top.  Not to mention the expense of it all which Darling Husband and I paid for ourselves. 

Go with your gut, and you’ll have no regrets. 

Post # 17
Member
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

jujubee27 :  Hi there! I’m getting married (well, actually eloping) in June and it definitely wasn’t the norm in my family circle either. People were shocked at first but they got over it. Once I explained our financial reasons people were quick to understand. You’d be amazed how many people will comment “I wish we’d done that!” As of right now we are coming in at a grand total of $8,749.91 for 10 days in Hawaii and a small family and friends party when we get back. I am so thankful that we chose to do it this way. Talk with your fiance about what’s most important to you and consider your options. Don’t announce your decision until you’re confident or you’ll have people trying to talk you out of it no matter what you choose. Ultimately the day is about celebrating your love however it feels right for you. Also, people will come out of the woodworks trying to give you advice on how to live your life and do your wedding. Be careful who you allow to have the loudest voices. Again, it’s YOUR decision.

Post # 18
Member
378 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2019

We eloped, but I never wanted a traditional wedding, so there’s no regret there. I have a friend who got married at the courthouse and then later had the whole vow renewal and reception and she regrets that part of it. Meaning the ceremony and reception. She felt like it was a waste of money and wishes she’d just done the courthouse and then not had anything later on. 

Post # 19
Member
71 posts
Worker bee

We eloped at the courthouse and I don’t regret it due to the money we saved. We spent money for dress, suit, professional photographer, makeup artist, flowers and nothing more. The rest went to a honeymoon trip in Hawaii.  We’re early 30s but it was okay for us.

Post # 20
Member
381 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I eloped and don’t regret it at all. It was magical. There’s always time for a big party for everyone else later, but taking the time together with just the two of you to treat yourselves and celebrate what’s important will rarely cause regret.

Post # 21
Member
8 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2019 - La Fortuna, Costa Rica

No one can tell you what is the right choice for you!

My fiancee and I are eloping in less than two weeks and I am so excited. When he first suggested it I did have to think about it. I’ve never been one want a big wedding but not even having my parents, grandparents and sister there was a big decision to make.. Ultimately I decided it was right for us and the more people I’ve told (with the exception of a couple of family members but remember this is YOUR day and YOUR wedding) everyone is super supportive and alot of married couples have said they wished they did that! 

Our breakdown is what I think is a great mix of elopement and sharing with our loved ones.

We fly out to Costa Rica for an 8 day trip to travel the country just the two of us (both beach and rainforest/volcano areas for a honeymoon/wedding combo trip). For our wedding day a couple days into the trip, we are getting married at the base of the Arenal volcano with just the beautiful landscape behind us at a hotel that is on 27 preserved acres. We hired a legal officiant and a photographer with their “elopement package” which is 3 hours of photos including “getting ready” photos, ceremony photos and after photo session. This way we have plenty of pics for us and our families! We are having a mini table made up with a mini cake to cut and a bottle of champagne to pop/toast. The hotel is arranging it for us as well as a bouquet for me and a boutonniere for him. We’re getting ready together (except he can’t see my dress until the ceremony- I still want to walk out in it as a surprise) and then having the officiant marry us as well as having a hand fasting ceremony. Then immediately after in the grass we eat cake, drink champagne and take pictures! Ceremony is 4pm so after we’ll probably have a drink at the hotel to kill time and then have dinner at a special restaurant in town (hotel booked for us). Total for 8 day trip & wedding with food, drink, hotel, transportation ~$5,500.

A month later (June) we’re having 50-60 people for a “dressy casual post-nuptual fiesta” as we’re calling it on the invites cool at an upscale Mexican restaurant on their outdoor lawn /patio space overlooking a reservior! We’re doing open bar with beer, wine, liquor but no shots or top shelf and heavy apps from 7pm-11pm. We hired an acoustic duo for live music. Because we chose a restaurant they provide everything- staff, tables, chairs, cleanup, even the dance floor they happen to have. Our families can dance, drink, eat, look at all the pictures from our trip that we will have out and I’m even wearing my dress again! (Mine is a very beachy, boho, casual type dress but even if it’s not, who cares!)Total for party ~ $3,500.

You can make it however YOU want! I don’t feel I’m missing out on anything- I still celebrated with my friends at a bachelorette, the ladies of the family at a bridal shower they wanted to throw me, and we’re having a party when we get back! If it’s not for you that’s ok- but if you’re on the fence think about how you want THAT DAY to go most. Do you want everyone there to help you get ready and to watch you walk the aisle? or would you rather say your vows to your fiancee with no one watching? Maybe get ready together? Everyone has a different idea of what is romantic and intimate and important. You can also do it as just a small ceremony/dinner or lunch after where it’s parents and siblings are there if you wanted! 

I’m looking forward to a fun and relaxing day with the man I love. We did not want the entire day to get away from us with bridesmaids and groomsmen, fuss over a schedule of activities and then the only time we’re alone the whole day to enjoy the moment is when we were at the alter with 100 eyes on us.  There’s no right or wrong way to get married but we are doing what’s right for US while saving a TON of money. 

Ultimately, I believe you should make your decision based on how YOU want your day to go. If you truly want everyone there smiling at you on your big day, maybe eloping isn’t for you and you should look for inexpensive or free venues, cheaper food or cutting your guest list instead. If you don’t want to spend a lot but want a wedding, there are ways of spending less but if you elope because you want an intimate day spent with your fuure husband, I dont think you’d regret it one bit. 

Post # 22
Member
8 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2019 - La Fortuna, Costa Rica

Also, my sister “eloped” too!

They had parents, siblings, and the JOP to their home ($150), had a very basic legal reading ceremony then we all went out to lunch! They went to Greece for their honeymoon and had a symbolic ceremony (~$250) there with a photographer ($?) and a nice dinner to follow.

They had a cocktail party at a small event space with a DJ, drinks and appetizers as well when they returned for about $5,000 total. The scale can be whatever you make it!

Post # 23
Member
69 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2019

I’ve been married twice. First time around I wanted to elope, but the family wanted a big wedding, so that is what we had. I didn’t enjoy the planning process, begrudged the money being spent to feed 100 people and didn’t enjoy the day, because everyone just got really drunk, so it wasn’t romantic, just a big alcohol binge.

Second time around, I eloped to a tropical island. Got married in an absolute dream venue on top of a cliff that would have cost a fortune if we would have had guests there. Had the most wonderful day, eating expensive food and drinking expensive champagne and finished the night in the outdoor swimming pool watching the stars, drinking champagne and listening to the waves with my new husband. Then we had another 5 days in the same place, so we could retrace the steps of our wedding day every day. I’m a huge advocate for eloping. I burst with happiness thinking about my beautiful and romantic wedding day. But in all honestly, the wedding day memories fade so quickly, it’s not worth spending a fortune on one day when no matter how hard you try to hold onto the memories they fade into your long term memory anyway. You only remember the absolute best bits, because the day goes on a blur. I think a wedding day with the right man could be amazing held in a burger joint, you don’t need to make it special, because just saying your vows makes the day incredible. 

Post # 24
Member
60 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2020

We were in the same boat, went and looked at one venue and I almost had a panic attack, it would have been beautiful but so many moving parts and i didn’t want the stress.    We considered eloping but decided on doing a small ceremony and dinner at a nice restaurant afterwards.  We tried to keep it under 30 people but my family is half of that so we are maxing out at 40-50.  We will be able to do this under $10k which is also our budget. 

Post # 25
Member
449 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

This will be my second marriage. My first we eloped (was married for 20 years) and I regretted it. I always felt I missed out on my dream wedding. Especially my dad walking me down the aslise. So now here we are and it will be my fiance’s first marriage. He could care less if we married at the court house or in our car. I will now have those moments with him that I will treasure for ever. Best part about it is my daughter is my maid of honor and my son will walk me half way down. 

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