(Closed) want to “fire” a flower girl nicely

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
411 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

Yikes. Honestly, I’m not sure if you can.

Think about it. It’s tough enough to fire a mature adult bridesmaid, but a child? I think that’s a bit harsh. What about asking the other child, and then just having two FGs if it boils down to it?

Post # 4
Member
1315 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Ooh tough one! How old is she? Do you know if she’s delighted to be asked, or not really bothered? I don’t really know how you go about that, to be honest.

Post # 7
Member
1391 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I wouldn’t fire her. Her feelings may be REALLY hurt. How about just asking the other little girl and possibly having two? The first FG’s parents may still back so it may work out anyways.

Post # 10
Member
2204 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m not having any children in my wedding so I can’t really relate but…how much “bonding” would you really do with a little girl anyway? It’s not like she will really remember the day.

If you really want to spend quality time with a flower girl, you and your Fiance can ask someone else and just have 2 flower girls.

I don’t think there’s any polite way to “fire” a flower girl. It definately would make for a rough start with your in-laws. I would make it clear that if it is a burden for the family financially, that it is ok with you if they aren’t able to swing it but you need to know within X months to make alternative plans.

Since your Future Mother-In-Law was the one that asked the girl, have you discussed this with her? She might have a better relation with the family and/or a more polite way to approach this situation??

Post # 11
Member
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I would shoot the parents an email saying something like, “Wanted to let you know that Flower Girl will be walking with our dear Friend’s Daughter (or whomever). We’ll be looking into matching dresses for the girls soon, or if you decide that it’s too much financially/emotionally, just let us know.”

That way they know they wouldn’t be leaving you high and dry and you basically offer them a chance to step down if they want (totally their choice though) – which IMO is the only polite way to do it. :/

Post # 12
Member
971 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

What Pia said.  If they’re having financial issues and can’t do it, they’ll let you know in 6 months like they told you. 

Go with two FGs and suck up the fact that you should’ve thought this through a bit better than you did.

And do not try to blame your Mother-In-Law when you had made the decision already and told her about it.  If you didn’t want her to say anything, you shouldn’t have told her. 

Post # 13
Member
714 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@overzealousbride: I really can’t think of any gracious way you would do this.  I think if you try its just going to cause a lot of hurt feelings and resentment. 

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