Post # 1
Hi bees, longtime lurker first time poster.
basically Fiance and I asked a girl (relative of his, out of state, minimal relationship to both of us) early on to be our fg. we thought we were being courteous by asking early and allowing the out of state relatives to either save up the money or give us a graceful out with time to spare. many months later, we are greatly regretting this decision. basically, the fg was asked by fi’s MOM not fi himself, and in retrospect we really had no business asking her in the first place. now we think it’s best she be removed from the wedding, eliminating financial burden on those relatives as well, and asking someone who is a better fit, and a girl we can bond with prior to the wedding. BUT fi’s relative said they’d give us a definite 6 months prior to the wedding.. whereas we would like to eliminate her sooner and move forward with a more practical solution.. nicely of course, but time has made things clearer and we both realize what a mistake and mess it was asking her in the first place.
suggesions anyone? we dont want to put any strain on the family relationships.
Post # 3
Yikes. Honestly, I’m not sure if you can.
Think about it. It’s tough enough to fire a mature adult bridesmaid, but a child? I think that’s a bit harsh. What about asking the other child, and then just having two FGs if it boils down to it?
Post # 4
Ooh tough one! How old is she? Do you know if she’s delighted to be asked, or not really bothered? I don’t really know how you go about that, to be honest.
Post # 5
it is an option to have 2. i guess we did this really early on without logistical or practial thought to the whole situation. nothing against the child of course.
Post # 6
she was 4 when she was asked, but fi and I only met her when she was a baby so it’s not like she knows who we are or anything.
Post # 7
I wouldn’t fire her. Her feelings may be REALLY hurt. How about just asking the other little girl and possibly having two? The first FG’s parents may still back so it may work out anyways.
Post # 9
i hear she is a delightful little girl and i do not doubt that one bit. but the mother made it clear that her involvement puts a great financial strain on their family and i do not want that happening. plus the whole exp of bonding with a fg, via dress shopping, bridal shower, etc just wouldnt happen with this situation. it’s a situation i realized a little late though. she literally wouldnt see us til the wedding day.
Post # 10
I’m not having any children in my wedding so I can’t really relate but…how much “bonding” would you really do with a little girl anyway? It’s not like she will really remember the day.
If you really want to spend quality time with a flower girl, you and your Fiance can ask someone else and just have 2 flower girls.
I don’t think there’s any polite way to “fire” a flower girl. It definately would make for a rough start with your in-laws. I would make it clear that if it is a burden for the family financially, that it is ok with you if they aren’t able to swing it but you need to know within X months to make alternative plans.
Since your Future Mother-In-Law was the one that asked the girl, have you discussed this with her? She might have a better relation with the family and/or a more polite way to approach this situation??
Post # 11
I would shoot the parents an email saying something like, “Wanted to let you know that Flower Girl will be walking with our dear Friend’s Daughter (or whomever). We’ll be looking into matching dresses for the girls soon, or if you decide that it’s too much financially/emotionally, just let us know.”
That way they know they wouldn’t be leaving you high and dry and you basically offer them a chance to step down if they want (totally their choice though) – which IMO is the only polite way to do it. :/
Post # 12
What Pia said. If they’re having financial issues and can’t do it, they’ll let you know in 6 months like they told you.
Go with two FGs and suck up the fact that you should’ve thought this through a bit better than you did.
And do not try to blame your Mother-In-Law when you had made the decision already and told her about it. If you didn’t want her to say anything, you shouldn’t have told her.
Post # 13
@overzealousbride: I really can’t think of any gracious way you would do this. I think if you try its just going to cause a lot of hurt feelings and resentment.