(Closed) Want to have flower girl….but no children at reception?

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
946 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I think you can have just your flower girl and ring bearer at your reception. I did this (other than a few little infants, we had no other children at the wedding other than my 3 year old niece who was my “flower girl”- I actually made her my flower girl even though she was waaaay too young to walk down the aisle, but I needed to justify why she was allowed to be there and not all the other guest’s kids. They were coming from the East Coast to Seattle for the wedding, so there was no way in hell I was making my brother and SIL get a babysitter.)

I even think you could just have the one flower girl, and not even have her brother. I remember several weddings where I had to stay home but my brother got to go because he was the ring bearer. As long as the wedding is in the same town, I don’t see a reason why they couldn’t get a babysitter.

I think your FI’s family will understand that you are making an exception for someone who will be in your wedding party. Stand firm with your decision. It’s not as if you’re inviting all the other children, and just not this one little girl. I would keep it on the DL about your reasons for not inviting the troubled girl- just keep it to, “We are having an adults only wedding, with the exception being our flower girl and ring bearer.”

Post # 5
1486 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

@WhatMaeBee:  This is exactly what I would do too. The bridal party should be at the reception but no other children need to be.

Post # 6
731 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Honestly, I would forgo the kids altogether.  You’re going to look like a jerk if you invite some kids at a certain level of family (ie, cousins) but not others.  It’s not strict etiquette, but it is just practical, especially if no one’s aware their kids are crazy.

It’s going to be a lot easier for you to just write off kids entirely, across the board, rather than allow just 2.

Post # 7
6377 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

Exceptions are fine for children in the Bridal Party. To make it less of an issue, I’d just make the brother the RB so that there’s an excuse for them to be there. FWIW, we had an adults only wedding with the exception of the kids in our Bridal Party (my 3 cousins) and DH’s cousins from Out of Town (the only Out of Town kids). No other children were invited and not a single person had a problem with this. 

Post # 8
420 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I think you’ll be safe just inviting the children in the Bridal Party.  The only way it gets tricky (in my opinion) is if the other cousin is the ONLY kid not invited.  If there are a handful of others not coming I don’t think its an issue at all.

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