Post # 16
happy_face: That’s kind of what I’m wondering, because we don’t want a traditional kind of ceremony: (“Love is…” “Marriage is…” Reading #1, Reading #2, etc.) — and was thinking more on the lines of our officiant sharing personal stories/talking about us as a couple and then our own vows. I think it’s totally fine (and awesome) to do it untraditionally, I think it just feels daunting to me to start to plan because there’s less structure that way so it might be more difficult to put together!
Post # 17
We had my uncle (/godfather) officiate our ceremony. He had married several of my cousins, and performs weddings for part of his job, so we left it all up to him. Our only problem was that he lived in a different state where we were married, and getting him licensed in our state proved to be very difficult. It all worked out in the end, and it was so special to us to have someone we knew and loved marry us, rather than a stranger we found on the internet.
Post # 18
My father officiated for us. My uncle is a pastor, however, he and I have never seen eye-to-eye on a number of issues (for example, when my grandmother, who was part of the unitarian church, passed away, her wishes were for all of her family to read short passages–biblical, literary, song lyrics, whatever–that reminded them of her; my uncle went on a 40 minute rant about abortion). We knew that he’d immediately volunteer to officiate if we didn’t already have something figured out, and my father is the only religious person in my life whose beliefs and behaviour I truly respect. On top of that, my husband never really had a father figure, and my dad absolutely adopted him, so he was head over heels excited that my dad was going to be involved.
He did an absolutely amazing job–everyone said that it was one of the most touching ceremonies, because my father ended up breaking down into tears a few times during the process. To keep it simple, we did basic vows. And it’s amazing to have all the photos of our ceremony with my father standing there in between us, smiling and laughing and crying.
Post # 19
My uncle did ours and it was amazing. We figured out the outline of the ceremony together, and did our own vows. He also sent us a long questionnaire about our story and relationship which helped him write his 5 minute schpea. He is an attorney and an excellent public speaker and we knew he’d take it very seriously. I wouldn’t have chosen some clown so pick wisely!
Post # 20
brooklyn321: Definitely do a rehearsal if you can! It helps everyone know where to stand, and also for the officiant when to pause and just to see how the overall flow will go.
I can pm you my script if you’d like some ideas (our ceremony was very short, we aren’t religious).
One thing I would have perhaps changed was to incorporate my husband’s talented teenage cousins (one plays a ukelee and another has a great voice) and they actually “gifted” us with a song they sang to us after the wedding. I thought.. omg.. that would have been amazing for the ceremony, since we didn’t have reading or anything like that.
Post # 21
njbride1102: That would be AWESOME, if you don’t mind 🙂 🙂 we aren’t religious either!
Post # 22
my uncle did our ceremony – he is the mayor of his town (though we didn’t get married there so technically no official authority but in MA where we married anyone can do it as long as they meet a few criteria and register for the day) an expert witness with tons of public speaking experience and is also a poet so we knew that he would do a great job
we did a lot of back and forth about the ceremony – we wanted a fairly traditional “formal” type set up but not really religious (as we are different religions) and not too much about kids and such since we are undecided. We picked the 2 readings (my mom and his mom) and then he wrote the rest of it. We didn’t hear the word for word ceremony before hand but we got the “jist” of it via emails and phone calls prior to the wedding.
I was in a wedding recently that was really nice but the main issue was they didn’t have a coordinator, the venue person wasn’t really helpful and the officiant was a friend so no one really stepped up to “head” up the rehearsal or was able to answer questions (ie where do the guys walk in from, who goes on which side, how much space between people walking up, should the L walk up the aisle) but that itsn’t really the fault of the officiant but more something to consider if you are in a similar position
Post # 23
My best friend from childhood did ours (we all grew up in the same town, including Darling Husband, each of us a year apart, so this was a very special friend). He is actually the reason Darling Husband and I started dating.
We did not have a religious ceremony, and it was quite short (maybe 10-15 minutes?). DH actually picked the ceremony out from several sources pieced together and we picked our own vows. My friend was nervous, but he did an amazing job. I wouldn’t change it for the world. My best friend also teared up as I walked down the aisle. It was beautiful to see how happy he was for us as he read the ceremony.
Darling Husband and I are also not the type to care if something goes wrong, so we actually enjoyed how natural the whole thing felt. I wouldn’t have changed anything.
Edit: My friend didn’t add anything to the ceremony. Even though we told him we’d be OK if he did, he specifically asked if we could just write everything because he was SO nervous about it.
Post # 24
We had a mutual friend do the ceremony. We wrote the script and he added a few little things, including edited answers to a questionnaire he sent each of us and we answered separately a few months before the wedding. That was the only surprise. The whole thing was amazing, and we had so many compliments on it. It was so personal. One of the best wedding decisions we made.