(Closed) Want to hear what the ladies think about age! :)

posted 5 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 3
Member
2117 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I think that is entirely dependant on the person!

I think that I’m very glad I haven’t gotten married yet (I’m 25) because I’ve done a LOT of growing and changing in the last few years. So has my boyfriend (he’s 29).

 

Post # 4
Member
11239 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I agree that it’s dependent on the person, but I’m not a fan of marrying young, for various reasons. The biggest reason is that you change SO MUCH as a person from 18-24/25 that you really run the risk of becoming two different people, wanting different goals in life, etc. I’ve also never (personally) seen a young marriage/engagement work out except in much (now) older couples (not to say others don’t work out–my parents married at 24 and divorced!).

Post # 5
Member
11273 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

I know people who really knew who they were at a young age, and they made very wise choices in their mate selection even though they were young (early 20s.)  I’ve known some others who were older and did not necessarily make wise choices.

I don’t think age, per se, is necessarily the issue.  However, many times, younger people think that it’s “time” to get married, because they’ve reached a particular milestone in life (their friends are all getting married, they’ve just graduated from high school, college, or grad school, or they’ve finally moved out on their own, etc.) To marry just because one is in a relationship and everyone else is getting married isn’t a good idea.  However, sometimes those younger years offer the BEST time to meet someone of like faith, like interest, similar family backgrounds, etc. It really depends.

I can only speak for myself. I had several “serious” relationships (two to three years each) when I was younger.  However, NONE of those guys would have been a good husband for me. I give all the glory and praise to God that He, in His infinite wisdom, did not permit me to have what I orginally had been asking him for in terms of those relationships. Thank God I did not end up with any of them.

As I grew older, my tastes in many things, including the type of man I wanted to marry, changed dramatically, as I learned what was truly important to me in life.  Unfortunately, I had to wait a very long time to find it. I even broke an engagement to an amazing, wonderful, sweet, precious, and very good looking gentlemen when I was 30 years old, simply because I knew in my gut that God had a different path for my life. One of the hardest things I ever did was to end that relationship, especially at the ripe old age of 30, lol.  Believe it or not, it actually was another 15 years before I met and, two years later, married, my DH!

So, I don’t think age, in and of itself, is always a defining factor in whether someone is too young to get married (as long as the person is an adult and can take care of himself or herself and a potential family.) It’s just important to make sure that you know yourself, you know what you want in life, and that you truly want to get married for the RIGHT reasons.

Post # 6
Member
9613 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Brielle:  +1.  Well said.

Post # 7
Member
3476 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

Age has less to do with years and more to do with life experiences to me– you need to have a chance to explore who you are as a person before you’re ready to commit as a couple.  I think it’s important to have the opportunity to develop your personality and know who you are and what you want from life before you get married. 

For me, this meant waiting until after I had graduated college and established my career before I felt ready to get married.  That’s not to say you can’t be with someone and planning– I met my FI when I was 18 and barely starting college.  But we took our time and grew up some together and waited until we were both ready for this next step. 

Post # 8
Member
1677 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@Brielle:  So, I don’t think age, in and of itself, is always a defining factor in whether someone is too young to get married (as long as the person is an adult and can take care of himself or herself and a potential family.) It’s just important to make sure that you know yourself, you know what you want in life, and that you truly want to get married for the RIGHT reasons.


That just about sums up my opinion. I married young and get comments about it fairly frequently, but they don’t bother me. I think maturity and knowing yourself and what you want is much more important than age. Honestly, most of my peers are in no way, shape, or form ready for marriage by my definition, so I understand why most people side eye anyone who marries young. Unfortunately, you can’t do much to negate the immature, irresponsible reputation that most young people give us all, so I just let it go. 

Post # 9
Member
928 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think it has to do with the perfect combination of maturing/knowing yourself (which I know I was still doing in my early 20s) and being with that person long enough to really know them. You are continually learning about that other person, even years into it. Everyone’s situation is different, though, so it really depends on a lot of factors. 

Post # 10
Member
11239 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

@juliette.eliza:  This.

@Brielle:  I can only speak for myself. I had several “serious” relationships (two to three years each) when I was younger. However, NONE of those guys would have been a good husband for me. [ . . . ]

As I grew older, my tastes in many things, including the type of man I wanted to marry, changed dramatically, as I learned what was truly important to me in life. 

Also this. FI is my third relationship. My first boyfriend (18-19) really loved me, wanted to marry me, etc., but he just wasn’t what I wanted. My second (19-22) was an awful relationship with an awful person, and I am SO glad that I finally left him. Those two relationships really changed and shaped what I wanted in a life partner/life in general. Of course, I never wanted to get married until I was into a relationship with FI.

Post # 11
Member
27 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I think it depends on the person. A lot of people say 25 is old enough but not any younger. My mom waited until she was 26 and she got divorced, my grandparents friends got married at 14 and they are still together 🙂 So I think it all depends on the person. I am 20 and getting married in December. I think it just all depends. The generations sure are changing though….. 

Post # 12
Member
3831 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I really worry about people getting married and haveing children at 22-23 or that area. Because i feel like they end up settling and not experiencing the things they should.  I will be 26 and i cant really imagine being married much younger. I just would not have felt ready and i would not have had the wedding i am planning now. 

Post # 14
Member
46 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2015

This depends on the person and their lives. Personally, I would at least say nno younger then 18 to be married, but engagment can happen at any time. I also think that having too young a relationship is not a good idea, such as beind together for less then a year. I just don’t think people should be having kids before they are 20.

I am 18 and engaged, but do not plan to be married until I am AT LEAST 21. It may happen later. We’ll see where life takes me. (:

Post # 15
Member
50 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

For me the situation of potentially too young to make the decision to marry is if one person is too immature (Usually identified by the statment “He/She says I’m so mature for my age!”), or if the second party is at a better stage of maturity/intellegence (Extream example: High school Junior marriying a College Junior. The college junior can do mental sumersalts around the Highschool junior or if you don’t like education 18year old and 22year old. ) To me there’s a weird grey area of concent that make the relationship seem potentially dominated by a party do to advantage of experience that vanishes after one has has the opportunity to experience the real world outside of parental support.

 

Which is why my SO and I waited 5 years to get married. I was 18 at the time we met and he was 22. We knew from the begining that this was going to turn into a marriage I just had to be sure I was just as in control as he was.

Post # 16
Hostess
23785 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

I agree that it depends on each person/relationship and where they are at in their lives.  If I HAD to put it to an age and you asked me how young is too young for my own future children?  For me it’s under 22 – I have hopes that my children will go to college, and graduate before thinking about marriage. But of course, again, it’s situational – and I don’t have kids yet, but when I do, things will probably change based on who they become!

Post # 17
Member
2295 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I agree, I’d prefer to see my own children finish undergrad degrees before getting married. Amd the divorce rate drops substantially if you wait until at least 25. That 20-24 age range has the highest rate of divorce (even higher than under 20).

BUT, one of the nicest, most stable couples I know got married when she was 19 (Mormon) just a few years ago. It was absolutely the right choice for them.

I also think there is something to be said for not waiting TOO long, provided you find the right guy. Especially if you want a family. I think some people who either date for years and years (like 8+ when they met as adults) or who are just older can end up very set in their own waus and some may find it difficult to compromise and be willing to give up certain parts of lifestyle or how they keep their home.

Plus, if you want kids, there is a very real biological timeline on that. And to me, I’d totally want grand kids and as much time as possible to enjoy my adult kids. So waking until 40 to have kids is not for me. Also, people hate to talk about this, but the older you get, the less options you have as a woman in partners. The perfect guy for you  still is out there, but there are less single guys when you are in your 30’s, and they have more options (aka dating women in their 20’s). 

I’ll be 28 and FI will be 29 when we get married, for what it’s worth.

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