(Closed) Wanting a Divorce after a Month—I Feel Crazy!!!!

posted 7 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
1267 posts
Bumble bee

I knew, too.  I knew on the honeymoon that I had made a giant mistake.  I felt such grief and overwhelming panic and I sympathize with you so much.  I could tell deep down in my soul that this was not ‘jitters’ or ‘cold feet’ or even just trying to ‘get used to’ the idea of being married or something.  I stayed for five years trying to make it right and honestly I resented my life a lot.  I kick myself all the time because I wish I had just not gotten married at all or at least had just gotten it anulled right away instead of dragging it out and trying to make do.

If you know, you know.  Sit somewhere, close your eyes, meditate on it and see what it is you really feel.  If you feel that you made a mistake you will need to gather every ounce of courage and strength to separate for a bit and find a support system.  During a separation you will really be able to evaluate your feelings I think, and whether or not you want to keep the marriage going.  If you want, you can pm me.

Post # 4
Member
875 posts
Busy bee

Reading this note…makes me think that you need to find someone who knows you and is willing to counsel you.  As bees, we can listen to you, but we can’t really see what is actually happening.  Your description makes me feel like you only have two options settling in or moving out…and I think that there are a multitude of others… like communicating with your spouse…asking a friend who is responsible what they see about your relationship that’s good…  or whether you are in an abusive relationship and need to get out now!

Post # 5
Member
971 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

I don’t get it … you’ve been together for 7 years and engaged for 4 of those years and, suddenly, two words and a piece of paper make you feel suffocated?  And, you talk about the embarassment and waste of money associated with cancelling a wedding … how about the cost of a divorce after being married a month?  Isn’t divorcing after a month equally embarrassing? 

Sounds like you need to revisit that relationship counselor.  Good luck. 

 

Post # 6
Member
4137 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

i’m so sorry you’re going through this. start seeing a therapist, who can help you sort through some of your emotions as an uninvolved third-party. maybe you’ll want to bring your husband to a few sessions later on, but you should really focus on yourself for now.

Post # 7
Member
996 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

@BanditGirl: That was sensitive

I’m very sorry you are going through this. I second the relationship therapist idea. It sounds like you have a lot to work through in your relationship.

 

Post # 8
Member
553 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I too am really sorry that you are going through this….I have also been there and done that. I married my first husband after only knowing him for 6 months. I knew while I was doing it that it was a bad idea but I really wanted to prove everyone wrong. We made it two years before he finally made me admit that I wasn’t happy. 

I don’t really have any great advice for you. Except to do some soul searching and do what is best for you, even if it really is difficult. 

Best of luck to you in whatever you decide. 

Post # 9
Member
2271 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

It happens. I knew before I married my second husband that something wasn’t right and then chickened out. Then I went and married the guy anyway and immediately knew again it wasn’t right.Not one of my finer moments.   It is easy to get caught up in the vision of how you want things to be and what they really are. Try to stay calm and think rationally – many of the bees here have offered some excellent suggestions. I stayed with my sig other for 20 years, many of them miserable, while waiting for things to improve. Obviously they didn’t – left me for a bar skank while I was grieving over the death of my child. Support from those you trust is very important and don’t be afraid to seek counseling.

Post # 10
Member
3601 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

Lady, I know crazy and you ain’t it.

Basically, I could make one of two suggestions right now. I could say that you need to ride it out, that it’s just the transition that’s freaking you out. I could also suggest that you are completely correct in being afraid that you are in over your head and should get out. Either way, I’d talk to a counselor ’cause it’s cheaper than divorce and will give some peace of mind that you at least tried.

 

 

PS, pushing you down is no bueno. But you already know that.

Post # 11
Member
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

@mzminze: I dont have any answers for you and dont know what to say…but as PP have said…this DOES happen so dont feel like you are the only one.

Friends of mine were together TEN YEARS, got married and separated not even a year later.

Its sad but it happens.

**hugs**

Post # 12
Member
806 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

It might be a good idea to talk to a counselor by yourself about how you’re feeling and how you want to proceed.

You say you’re feeling crazy – that’s not a place you want to make life altering decisions from.  Don’t “do” anything until you feel like you’re coming from a place of calm and rational.

 

Post # 13
Member
4547 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I agree that talking to someone is a good next step. You need to figure out exactly what you want. It sounds like your relationship has gone through it’s share of ups and downs. Whether this is just a bump in the road, or is a sign it’s time to move on, only you can tell. If things have gotten to where you actually feel like you want a trial seperation and he won’t agree to it, then you have to do what’s best for you. Maybe some time away would clear your head. Good luck in whatever you choose…my thoughts are with you.

Post # 14
Member
2090 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I think you and your husband should seek counseling with a marriage counseling professional.

Just my 2 cents: good relationships are not that hard/don’t require constant hard work. You shouldn’t have to work all the time, to feel like you need to prove everyone wrong, to have lots of things “working against you” that you have to fight against. Things shouldn’t be that difficult if you are in a healthy relationship. I know 7 years is a long time, and I don’t know if this is a first love type situation, but I think you should take some time for yourself (maybe go away alone for a weekend, if that is possible) and think about your situation. We only have one life. Don’t stay with someone simply because they are what you know. Only you know what’s best for you. Good luck. 

Post # 15
Member
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@kitzy: I agree. Professional help might ensure that you make the best decision.. they can offer a not biased point of view. Best wishes my dear! 🙂

Post # 16
Member
2373 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I can understand where you’re coming from (sort of). You didn’t give very many details- for me I thought it was over when we started having HUGE issues with his family after the wedding. A quick recap: Aunt/rental vendor was mad about something and decided to bill my parents 2k out of spite. Checked my husband’s credit report- he had 12 k in debt he had no idea about. Turned out his parents opened cards in his name and maxed them out. His credit score was like a 492.

 We were fighting constantly and I felt like we made a huge mistake. I knew we were headed for a divorce and was working out my exit strategy.

  It was a tough 1.5 years- I was depressed and gained a lot of weight. To end an already too long story I never left because things got better. We came out of the storm and are better for it.

Talk to someone before making a decision.

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