Post # 1
I need some advice…
We have been married for just over a year (an amazing year to add) and currently we have two cats (ages 6 years old and 2 years old). And, I want to add a dog…
To give you a background of were we live is, well, in my mother-in-laws house… they don’t live here but we take care of their house for them. My husband has lived here for most of his life (on and off since he was in college) but as a couple we have been here for 3 years. We plan on staying in this house for a few more years… i am personally thinking 3 more. The house is big and the backyard is huge! We are not rushed to move but my hubby would like to since he has been here for awhile however if we move anytime soon, it will definitly be to a small apartment. Thats why, Im not in any rush to move…
So… the problem at the moment?!
I want a dog… and I don’t just mean want one. I need one. Yes, dramatic but its true. I grew up with dogs and I LOVE taking care of them and building that bond that i know is special. I want to look forward to coming home and taking him/her for a walk. I want to feel protected when the hubby is away. I simply and whole heartingly want a dog.
We have not been allowed to get a dog since I have been here but just recently my Mother-In-Law said we could (after she saw my chase down a loose dog in neighborhood). I was so happy and excited but now the hubby isn’t exactly thrilled… he is sort-of willing to get one but is definitly not a happy person.
I know being married is different then me being on my own and making decisions… and I am still learning everyday about what compromise truly means. HOWEVER I really really want this addition to our family but I also want him to want it.. or at least accept it happily. I know he is worried because if we have to move, we will have three pets… and I know he is worried because we are planning to have some kiddos in a few years.
Am I being unreasonable? Should I not be thinking about a dog? Or should i also remember to keep myself happy also and go ahead with the pet adoption?? I feel like a child, promising my husband Ill clean up after it, feed it every day and take it for walks… but I truly desire this.
Any advice would be nice =-)
Post # 3
I feel the exact same way you do about dogs. I have always had a dog, but luckily, hubs feels the same way. We have a dog, cat and a bunch of fish. I couldn’t imagine life without at least one dog, so I totally get it. I would discuss your feelings with your husband, and tell him bad you want a dog. I’m sure he will come around, I just can’t imagine someone not falling in love with one 🙂
Post # 4
@sboswell: when I first read this thread title I thought you meant you wanted a dog and didn’t want your husband, lol.
I do think you two will need to come to a compromise about this, especially since when you are at work, the store, whatever, your husband will have to look after the dog.
Post # 5
Just one thing that came to mind is that you said you will eventually probably move into a small appartment……thats not always the best situation for a dog- depending on its size.
Right now, the conditions are great! but Compromise and look seriously at your future ( traveling, babies, jobs , houses) and then make the decision! You don’t want the dog to suffer in the long run
Post # 6
Definitely talk things over with your husband and see if you can get on the same page. Having one person not keen on the dog can make for some rough dynamics and bring out behavioral issues. Do you know why he’s not excited about getting one? Maybe he’s worried about size, slobber, the amount of exercise needed, or other things that you can avoid once you start looking at specific breeds or individuals.
And I’ll second Mrs.Argentina, if you guys get a dog make sure it’s one that will work for the long run. Going from a big yard to none at all is a rough transition and isn’t possible for all dogs. Same with kids, jobs, the amount of free time you have, etc.
Post # 7
I’m on the opposite side of your situation. My husband REALLY wants a dog, and me not so much. He grew up with a dog and thinks it’ll make a great addition, I never had one growing up and I dont want the responsibility of a dog – making sure to come home to let him out, feeding, cleaning the house more.
“he is sort-of willing to get one but is definitly not a happy person.” – Yup that is me too.
I am willing cause this is something that means so much to him. And I did tell him he better be doing all the extra work involved with it. I already do all the house work as it is, I’m not adding caring for pet that I do no truely want for myself to the list.
Post # 8
@Eva Peron: This.
We have a German Shepherd (seen in my avatar photo) and it REALLY narrowed down the apartments that would accept us as tenants. That, and a lot of apartments have a 2 pet limits, or a weight limit/breed restrictions. If it’s almost a certainty that you will move, I think you need to think about these things.
Second, having a dog is really a commitment that I believe both of you have to be willing to accept. Training, walking, picking up poop…it’s a whole new level of compromise between a couple, and if someone is unwilling, it can be pretty miserable.
Post # 9
I was also in the opposite situation, my Fiance wanted a dog and I was a strict cat person. It all changed when I learned about smaller breeds and we now have two fluffy pomeranians.
While I know that a smaller dog might not satisfy your need for a huge labrador (or similar version) it might be a way to compromise as well as tackle the potential apartment situation.
Smaller dogs are a lot easier to approach (emotionally speaking) when you aren’t a dog person in general. As a previous non-dog person I found that larger dogs were overwhelming and put me off a bit (I no longer feel this way of course). Discuss it with your Darling Husband and see if perhaps something under 20 pounds might be the way to go.
Post # 10
It will be one of those things that you will have to compromise on. Maybe down the road? I know that if Darling Husband wanted a dog, I would have a big problem with having to let it out, and be tied down while traveling. A dog takes a lot of work and it’s something you both have to be on board with.
Post # 11
My Darling Husband and I are in a position somewhat similar to your own and we just got a dog 🙂 We’re currently living in a family home with lots of space and a big fenced in backyard where our puppy can roam and play. When we move out, it will likely be to a small apartment with no yard.
Initially, while I we wanted a dog, we weren’t actively looking for one. I eventually wanted to get a big guardian breed like a Great Pyrenees but instead we ended up with a little German Shepherd that was dumped in a super shady neighborhood in LA. She’ll likely be 50-60lbs once she’d full grown, a far cry from the 110lb dogs I was looking at, but probably better for apartment life.
For us, living in a house right now is perfect because our girl is a puppy and full of energy. We’re planning on staying here for at least another year, maybe two, so she will spend her whole puppyhood running off that baby energy in the backyard. By the time we move, she’ll be a more mellow adult who we’ll be able to keep happy with walks and doggy sports. She’s a mellow, quiet girl to begin with and we really lucked out.
To deal with our cats and her eventual apartment life, we’ve embraced crate training whole heartedly and our girl is very happy with it. We started when we got her at 11 weeks and eventually got her a big, luxury pet residence that’s more like furniture than a dog crate. She’s more than happy to sleep the day away in there surrounded by her toys if we have to be gone and she has no problem holding her bladder and doesn’t bark. When we make the transition to apartment life, she’ll be expecting to be in her crate if we’re not there and won’t be upset with the change.
As far as your Darling Husband, mine wasn’t sold on getting a dog either but when he saw our girl he fell instantly in love. I think you need to find a dog that your Darling Husband will bond with and if he’s not feeling it you’re probably not standing in front of the right dog. My Darling Husband is the primary caretaker of our pup after I took a full time job a few weeks after we got her and he loves being with her now.
Post # 12
I’m on his side, either both people want it or you don’t get it.
Post # 13
My Fiance and I have talked about this. I have grown up with dogs, they have always been a part of my life. Fiance never had a pet growing up. His parents and brother are somewhat allergic. At first, Fiance wasn’t big on getting a dog AT ALL. When Fiance was at college, one of his roommates had a cat, and he ended up really liking having a pet around.
He did eventually agree to us getting a dog. However, there are some stipulations. He doesn’t want a big dog, more of a medium sized one, and it needs to be a short haired dog (this way, when his family comes over, it won’t trigger their allergies). I agreed to those. While I would rather have a big dog, a medium to small sized dog is better than no dog at all :-). It’s all about the compromise!
Post # 14
I wanted a dog when my SO didn’t, and we ended up getting one. He is absolutely in love with them now, and always tells me he’s so glad I made him get a dog. That said, I have also been in your situation where I had to move from a big house to a little apartment. It was not easy. I luckily found a landlord that loved animals, but that is not always the case. Be prepared to pay a lot more for rent and the deposit when you have multiple pets. If that is still ok with you, I hope you get your dog 🙂
Post # 15
@keepsmiling19: SO also didn’t want a big dog (even though I did). We got a puppy that we didn’t realize would turn out so big– the adoption place said he would be a medium sized dog. He loves the dog being big now, and now can’t fathom having a smaller dog anymore. We are definitely big dog people!
Post # 16
My husband was not a dog person, (he likes cats). I am an all-kinds-of-animals-including-dogs-person. My husband really does NOT care for small dogs, (with the exception of a few breeds, which we will probably look into when we are older), but is better with big dogs. I think part of this is because his experiences with small dogs have all been the sterotypical small, annoying, yappy dog. I also prefer big dogs, so we foster only medium or large dogs. We both fell in love with our second foster, a big lab/golden mix, and adopted him. The first time he referred to our dog as “my dog” (meaning “his” dog), I got teary. My husband STILL is not a dog person, but that’s okay with me. He tolerates the occasional foster, but like it better when it’s just our dog, (so right now we are fostering a cat).
You do not have a location listed, but more than likely there are shelters or rescues near you who need foster homes for dogs. I know all of the rescues in my area are desperate for foster homes, because there are always more dogs and cats waiting for rescue than there are foster families.
Fostering would be a great way to get your dog-fix without commiting to a dog for it’s lifespan. It would also let you experience different breeds and energy levels, etc. so you get some idea what kind of dog would work for your family should you decide to get one of your own. Big, small, somewhere in between….It would let your husband experience dog ownership without a long-term commitment in case he decides it’s not for him. There would also be a possibility that he would fall in love with a dog and decide dog ownership isn’t so bad after all.
Please consider fostering!