(Closed) Wanting a marriage equality statement in our ceremony, however BM is religious..

posted 6 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 2
3936 posts
Honey bee


Seems to me that you’re wanting to turn your ceremony into some sort of political statement, a statement which would insult some of your wedding party. I’d let my wedding party know ahead of time so they have the opportunity to decline to take part, should they choose.

Just my $0.02.


Post # 3
293 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

If she’s willing to publicly share her opinon over facebook, I hope she’d respect you sharing your opinion at your own wedding. I’d go ahead with it. Maybe let her know ahead of time?

Post # 4
404 posts
Helper bee


We had some similar wording during our ceremony. Something along the lines of the right to marry regardless of gender, religion, creed etc. is inherently important to berrybelle and husband. Wed didn’t have any religious people in our wedding party. There were some very religious guests although I don’t know if they’re opposed to gay marriage.

We didn’t warn anybody about the wording, however if a wedding party member had known views opposing gay marriage we would have told them about the wording so my advice would be tell your bridesmaid. Certainly not to open a debate about whether you should include it or not (I think it’s awesome and important that you’re including it!) but because if she feels that strongly about it then it may affect whether she wants to stand up in your wedding or not. I realise that possibility of any drama/upset/fallout over this may sway you towards wanting to ‘surprise’ her, but if she does feel that strongly against your wording then better that she steps down beforehand rather than you having a massive fallout because you “tricked her” (how she may see it) into taking part in a pro-gay wedding.

If you do decide to tell her I’d be understanding and kind, but firm. And be careful with the wording of how you tell her so there’s no room for her to think that it’s a debatable point or an option for you to take it out.

Post # 5
300 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I wouldn’t advise her.  Generally I find the whole “I found God crowd” pretty offensive b/c in my experience they use finding God justify bad past behaviour (My ex-BIL and the woman he was cheating on with my sister just LOVE talking about how they’ve found God and judging others for transgressions they have committed themselves.)  However, if I were at an “I found God” type of wedding, I’d smile and nod.  

She’s entitled to her beliefs and I don’t think you’d freak out at her wedding with the “one man/one woman” stuff.  I’d like to think she could do the same.  

I thought some of the lines from the Supreme Court decision were really poignant.  Maybe you could use some of that to subtly support your homosexual friends without making an overt political/civil rights statement?  Some of it would flow nicely with a marriage ceremony.

Here’s a link to some of the lines:  http://www.motherjones.com/politics/2015/06/supreme-court-gay-marriage-best-lines-kennedy-decision



Post # 7
534 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

 Let her know if you are worried it will make her uncomfortable however I would not be offering to remove it if she disagrees I would offer her the chance to stand down if it will make her that uncomfortable with no hard feelings it is your ceremony and if it is something that is important for you to have there I would hope as your friend she would respect your wishes

Post # 8
1786 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

Why do you need to mention this at all? Are you a same sex couple? (If you are I don’t think she’ll have a problem) if you aren’t; again; why do you need to highlight this?

Post # 9
1069 posts
Bumble bee

Say nothing. It’s your ceremony and you can say what you like. 

We had a church wedding and whilst we are very pro equal marriage and have married gay friends who attended, the denomination ‘wording’ is still man and woman. We ran with it in the knowledge that neither me, hubby, the minister or our gay friends would take it as anything more than pomp and ceremony. If we could have, I’d have liked to have that moment say ‘Marriage is a commitment between two people, choosing to share their love and lives together’. 

Post # 10
1069 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
Slingshot:  Because if there’s statement that you totally done agree with then not saying anything could be seen/felt as tacit agreement. You don’t have to be gay to be pro-gay rights. It’s clearly something te OP cares about. 

Post # 12
8011 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

It’s your wedding. If one of your BMs was an atheist would you feel compelled to warn her if God would be mentioned in your ceremony? Or would you respect her beliefs and expect her to respect yours? I believe strongly in freedom of religion and the freedom to express one’s beliefs. I also believe we each have a responsibility to respect one another’s beliefs. You aren’t considering dropping her from your wedding party because her beliefs aren’t yours…the suggestion that a good friend would basically pick up her marbles and go home if she didn’t agree with one sentence in your wedding ceremony is appalling to me. 

Post # 14
2953 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

View original reply
kraykitty:  If I’ve learned nothing else in this wedding stuff, it’s to have the wedding you want. If you really want to make the statement, make it. As adults, most of us should be able to agree to disagree if we really are on opposite sides of the fence. Hopefully your Bridesmaid or Best Man can be indifferent and just smile through one sentence not to her liking.

Post # 15
4398 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I don’t see the problem, TBH. It’s a wedding ceremony that represents YOU and your Fiance. You specifically say “the bride and groom feel…”, so its not as though you are speaking for the wedding party as a whole, just for yourselves. I love the statement you’re making, and if I had been married somewhere that same-sex marriage wasn’t legal I would have likely done the same.

If you were making a statement about anything else: even if it was just something as simple as “the bride and groom have chosen to forgo the traditional religious vows for something that more closely aligns with their personal beliefs”, would you tell her ahead of time? 

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