(Closed) wanting a smaller wedding

posted 9 years ago in Logistics
Post # 3
Member
5 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Totally, sit down with your fiance and talk with him.  If he doesn’t understand that the big reception makes you feel insecure, then you need to ask yourself the question is he the right person to be committing to.  I understand the desire to have a big celebration because it is an important day, however at the same time it is just a celebration.

Another idea which came to mind is how about yall elope and then have a reception after the fact. This could somewhat take the emotional pressure.

Post # 4
Member
51 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Yeah I agree. Yes, its both of yalls big day but you do not want to sacrifice your peace of mind until the big day so that he can invite all of his friends. We are having a small (75 people) on the beach and I’m very excited about it. We originally were gonna have the big wedding (200 people) and then I realized my stress level and memories of my wedding would be so much better if we stuck to the ones we were still in every day contact with..

My cousin did the very small (immediate family) and then had a reception 2 weeks later. They wore street clothes and had a chance to talk to people without the time crunch and emotional fury of the day.

Make sure and talk to your fiance. Everyone else will understand and if they don’t, thats ok. Its your wedding!

Post # 6
Member
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

While I can’t say that I share your anxiety about being the center of attention, I think you will be fine on your big day. I think you just need to make a plan for yourself and not be worried about sticking to it.

I’ll be having roughly the same amount of people at our wedding & I’ve been working on coming to terms with being the gracious “hostess”. I thought about what I would hate the most: missing dinner, spending only a few moments with my new husband, not being able to dance, & being overwhelmed (which equals cranky for me).

Then we made a plan. We’re hoping to spend time at the cocktail hour with our guests, so we can chat with most of the people we wouldn’t normally mingle with (our parents’ friends, distant relatives), so we can have dinner to ourselves. We’re also doing photos of just us after the ceremony, so we’ve got a couple moments to ourselves.

My mantra is: Enjoy Yourself.  Don’t worry about anyone else & you’ll be fine. People will be happy because they’re part of the love you have with your Fiance. If anyone is upset about you taking a break from the action (that room sounds like an awesome idea), poop to them.

P.S. We’re date twins, so know I’ll be sending calming vibes your way Smile

Post # 8
Member
407 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

you’re going to have to sit down with the fiance and chat if you want a smaller wedding. Otherwise, you’ll just have to smile and chat politely. The sideroom for your use – take advantage of it. I don’t think people will mind you sitting down and getting a breather! 

Post # 9
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

wow, i felt like i could have written that post! i have the same exact anxiety issues about being center of attention, and we have the same problem with the guest list, room for 100 but 125-130 invites. my fi sees the look on my face when we discuss the large number, and asks we should try to do anything about it, but then i just realize there’s nothing we can do about it so why worry? if things are beyond your control, there’s no sense in worrying about them. it will all work out in the end. and as far as being center of attention, there’s not much to stop that. we’re not doing most of the traditional stuff, no entrance, exit, dancing in general so there wont be a first dance or father/daughter dance, bouquet toss, garter toss. i’m not sitting at a sweetheart table, we’ll be sitting at a circle table like everyone else, blending in.

Post # 10
Member
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

artbee, I noticed your wedding is still a few months out and wanted to tell you that only about 70% of your guests will come which puts you around 90 guests. I didn’t think this number was true when people told me that, but now that all our RSVPs are in we’re even under that 70% mark!

Post # 11
Member
3979 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

Aww ((hugs!)) My Fiance is the same way…

You said it’s too late to get out of this ever-expanding wedding, so I definitely would suggest going to talk to a doctor about your anxiety. You want to enjoy your day, not be worried & upset the entire time. The doctor will be able to help you control your anxiety!  

Post # 13
Member
4567 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Take a deep breath, for one. Try to figure out what about being the center of attention makes you nervous. Are you afraid your dress will fall down? That you’ll throw up? That a hot air balloon will magically come through the ceiling and crush you? Just teasing. I understand how nervous you are. Totally. I like being the center of attention for 30 people, max. Past that, I’m terrified. However, you only get one wedding, your Fiance only gets one wedding, and it is important to have people who love you there. I cannot imagine getting such a high positive response rate! You must be so very, very loved. Agree on a secret signal when you need to take a breather and stick to it when you need to hide. Brides disappear for breaks all the time!

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