(Closed) Wanting my FMIL to STAY AWAY from my children (A little long)

posted 6 years ago in Parenting
Post # 3
2891 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Wow! I can just imagine how stunned you must have felt. I think you all need to talk. You, Fiance and the sisters need to sit down and decide how you will handle this. I am so sorry hun. I have no idea how to even broach the subject but you definitely need to.

Post # 4
701 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

You need to talk to Fiance, because you do need to protect your children- their safety needs to be number one priority after you are married for him too

Post # 5
3771 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

Wow, I would definately talk to your Fiance about this. See if what SIL said is what she really believes or she was covering for her mom. If it turns out that she doesn’t know, your Fiance needs to tell her. If he refuses then I would tell her.

Post # 6
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

could your Fiance had been abused as a child and thats why he hasnt spoken about it with you?  i think you need to get the kids out of the house so you can have an honest discussion with him because you then need to talk about your childrens safety.

going forward she is not allowed to be near children so i think its a no brainer really – she comes near, you call the cops.  goodluck! 

Post # 7
2299 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I would definitly keep your children far far away from that woman! Have a nice long conversation with your Fiance about this, it’s not something to take lightly! I’m in a similar situation. Both of my dh’s parents physically/ emotionally/ verbally abused him his entire childhood and there is no way in hell I’m letting them near our future children. I’m due in July with our first baby and made it very clear to him. As mothers it’s our responsibility to protect our children.

Post # 9
7417 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Normally I roll my eyes at the  “mother-in-law hating posts”  but in your case I totally support you.  Keep your kids far away.  You need to have a thourough conversation with your Fiance about this.

Post # 10
5670 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

I’m so sorry you are facing something like this. This is terrible. I would probably just print out the information you found online and give it to your Fiance. He may be in shock and are not sure what the truth really is since he now if hearing a conflicting story. Maybe give him the information and do not talk about it, let him digest it for a couple of days and then discuss. Just explain how much you love him but you need to be concerned about the safety of your children. And you can also bring up the topic of his sister and if she really knows the truth and maybe he wants to talk to her.

Post # 11
643 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

So sorry that you are going through this. I think this could be much more difficult than it seems on the surface. one, if your fiance didn’t know the truth about what his mom did, it could be REALLY difficult for him to process. If he did know but didn’t tell you, that’s not great, but I could imagine why he kept it a secret– that is a horrible thing to have to deal with. Also, there’s a chance that he didnt know, but that this news will bring back memories of what his mom did to him. It sounds like a pretty awful childhood.

I would let him process it for a few days, and then I would approach him again with a “How do you think WE should handle this?” At the end of the day, a registered sex offender cannot be in the presence of a child. So you do have that on your side. You have every right to put your foot down and say that she cannot be around the children or in the house– and it’s the LAW– that’s not just you saying that. But I think the bigger issue is working with your Fiance to figure this out together. Rather than coming up with a game plan now, see what he says about it in a few days. After all, if this is news to him, he could turn around and say she can never come around again. You never know what he is thinking and feeling right now.

I think you should also let his sister know the truth. But there’s a good chance she already knows (after all, you just have to look it up on the sex offender list). But if she doesn’t, you should let her know for the safety of her children. After all, she might be mad at you for saying something, but it is better than her children being harmed by her mother.


GOOD LUCK! I can’t even pretend to know how to deal with this situation… No one can possibly know until you go through it. And there are so many different issues and situations going on. These are just a few of my thoughts of what I would do if I were in your shoes. 

Post # 13
2891 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I will definitely be praying God gives you wisdom on how to handle this. I unfortunately have no advice so I will do the only thing I can do. Pray!

Post # 14
3451 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m so sorry you are going through this.  What a crappy situation to be in.  I wouldn’t want her near my children either.  Hopefully your Fiance will understand this and support your decision.

Post # 15
109 posts
Blushing bee

I agree with your concern over the situtaiton with your Future Mother-In-Law.  I am a victim of sexual abuse, so I know the damage and effect on a child’s well-being.  I say that so you can understand what I am going to say which comes from knowledge gained at work.

The cagtegories for sexual abuse are general and various charges can fall into the same category.  Please check with local law enforcement with regard to the restrictions of registered sex offender.s in your area  In some cases, there is no restriction to them being in the proximity of children. 

I would never leave her alone with any child, but banishment from the wedding may be extreme.  In the eyes of the law, she has  paid her dues and unless her parole officer or local law encfrcement knows of a reason to limit access, there may be nothing that can be legally done.

I am truly sorry your family’s situation.  Your Fiance has been through so much in his life, and it’s natural that he wants to have a connection to his mother.  He may not remember if there had been abuse as the memories might be repressed.  Be careful as you go forward because I have a feeling that there is so much more to this situation that you realize.

I sincerely wish you well.

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