(Closed) Wanting to ask a bridesmaid to step down

posted 6 years ago in Weddingbee
Post # 3
Member
2073 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I think that is a bit excessive personally.  She’s chosen to be in your wedding but still wants to be a supportive friend to another bride.  I can’t really understand what is so bad about that?

Heck, my parents might be leaving my wedding a bit early because they need to take my elderly grandmother home.  It makes me a little sad but I understand.

I cringe everytime I see posts like this.  Unless the bridesmaid in question has tried to cause great bodily harm to the bride, groom, or family member or actively tried to break up the couple, I don’t think she should be asked to step down, fired, or whatever it can be called.  Seems like a sure fire way to end a friendship.

Post # 4
Member
179 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I completely think she is doing the wrong thing, but I wouldn’t ask her to step down just yet. Have you tried explaining how much it means to you that she share the whole day with you? I couldn’t imagine leave a close friends wedding ESPECIALLY if I was in the wedding. She agreed to be in your wedding so I think it has priority. Maybe she will offer to step down or decide to skip the other wedding. I’m trying not to rant 🙂

 

Post # 5
Member
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Your bridesmaid isn’t in control of the other friend’s wedding date. She’s planning to miss part of the reception, and her duties should be well and done with by reception time. I think cutting her out of your wedding party would be incredibly selfish.

Post # 8
Member
4653 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@fishbone: +1

 

While I see that you are diapointed and I understand why I am sure your bridesmaid Is trying to just make everyone happy! Dont kick her out for leaving a bit early, She has 2 weddings to juggle that day I am sure she doesnt want to leave your wedding early but to make both weddings she has to!

Post # 9
Member
1650 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I agree with PP’s.  I think it would be wrong to put your Bridesmaid or Best Man in the position of having to ultimately choose one friend over another, which is what you’d be doing by removing her from the Bridesmaid or Best Man position for trying to go to both weddings.  The scheduling situation isn’t her fault.  If she has to leave the reception a bit early, yes, that is a bummer, but at least she’ll be standing up there with you during the important part – your ceremony.  That’s what being a Bridesmaid or Best Man is about.

Post # 11
Member
2281 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

She probably feels really torn between the two – and is trying to please everyone. I’ve had to leave early – to drive another bridesmaid to the airport because she had to be somewhere first thing in the morning and that was the last flight she could get. We missed lots of the reception, which was a shame, but what can you do? I don’t think the bride was fazed at all. 

Post # 12
Member
585 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@SherryCox:i had to ask one of my BMs to step down so im not against it. i mean if you don’t want her in ur party anymore b.c of it thats ur choice. its not going to be popular. so be prepared for backlash you just have to judge if its worth it 

Post # 13
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

She’ll be there when you’re getting married, and for the speeches, right? That is the important part of a wedding – the part where you’re actually getting married – the whole point of the entire day! If you’re willing to toss a friendship aside because she is trying to make you and her other friend both happy, but you want to insist you get her the whole night, that is your perogative. But I doubt you’ll find many people who agree with you.

Post # 14
Member
585 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

how early is early? 

Post # 15
Member
4336 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@BearcatBetch: Exactly what I was wondering. If she’s going to miss out on like the bridal party dance or something, that’s kind of a big deal, but if it wouldn’t be until the formal part of the evening is over, then I don’t think it’s a big deal at all. (I mean, yes, I would be annoyed, but not worth asking her to step down and possibly losing her friendship over.)

Post # 16
Member
595 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

I think you’re overreacting. She’s leaving your reception early, not your ceremony and not your formal photos. If someone cut me out of their wedding for that I probably would cut ties with them, honestly. For reference, I have already ousted one of my Bridesmaid or Best Man, so it’s not that I’m like “never!!” but you should definitely have a good reason, and this is not one.

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