Wanting to get back together with a guy you broke up with?

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
313 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

I watched a movie on Netflix recently that kinda dealt with what your going through.  It’s called How To Be Single. Good movie, check it out.

Post # 3
Member
1080 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

 Very sorry to hear that you went through a lot of bad stuff but imo you should leave it alone. He’s moved on and so should you. You don’t want to break up their relationship but sending him a text like “If you ever find yourself single again, I’d love for us to give things another shot” is interfering. His short responses/not responding makes it clear he’s not interested. 

Post # 4
Member
345 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

lydia011 :  you’ve already contacted him once and he’s told you he’s spoken for. You contacted him again expressing your feelings and he did not reciprocate. 

Don’t contact him a third time, you’d only be making a fool out of yourself. I honestly think you’re just frustrated that you haven’t had luck on your recent dates. There’s no guarantee that if those external influences hadn’t happened, you’d still be together. You said so yourself that you didn’t see things moving forward. It seems as though you have idealized and fantasized about a relationship that wasn’t and isn’t likely to exist or succeed. 

I think you need to move on, sorry bee. 

Post # 5
Member
1860 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

Umm absolutely do not message him. That is completely rude and disrespectful to his current relationship and will not paint a pretty picture of you. 

How would you like it if you were his girlfriend? Don’t be an asshole.

Post # 6
Member
4686 posts
Honey bee

Nope.  Nope nope nope.

You don’t tell someone currently in a relationship that if they break up give you a call.  It isn’t even that it is desperate (it is) – it is downright self-centered, rude, and disrespectful to him, his girlfriend, and their relationship.  Why would anyone want to date someone so self-centered, rude, and disrespectful?

You need to let this go and focus your romantic pursuits elsewhere.  He was pretty clear first through his non-response and then by clearly stating he is in a relationship with no further communication that he is not interested.  Stop making excuses like he is just so prideful and needs more prodding from you to try to justify this.  People who are interested will reciprocate, pride or no, because people like getting what they want.  He is not interested and has made that clear by not reciprocating in these interactions.  

Post # 7
Member
10078 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

No ma’am. If you really care about John then let his new relationship have a fair shot without you putting things in his head. He’s basically told you he isn’t interested so now leave it alone and move on. If he comes back to you later then great but anything more now would be inappropriate.

Post # 8
Member
4080 posts
Honey bee

Put yourself in John’s new SO’s shoes. If you were her, and someone that your SO dated sent him the text that you want to send to John, knowing that he’s in a relationship, how would you feel?

Post # 9
Member
1753 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Bee its time to go to therapy if you aren’t already in it.  He’s moved on and told you this so its time to move on yourself.  At this point you’re becoming borderline obsessive.  

Post # 10
Hostess
3109 posts
Sugar bee

Bee, the relationship is long over. Let it go, leave the guy alone, and stop romanticizing him in your head. 

Post # 11
Member
11137 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

lydia011 :  

Leave him alone.  He’s taken now.  Your time came and went, it’s over.  John made that as clear as he could without being rude or unkind.

Continuing to text him will not help you move on, it will keep you hooked into an imaginary relationship.  John suddenly looks like the man of your dreams because you’re having a disappointing time with online dating.  Work on your profile.  Have a friend go over it with you and check what you’re putting out there.  Your profile is a big part of what kinds of men you draw.

You don’t move on by chasing your ex.  You move on by moving on.

Post # 12
Member
811 posts
Busy bee

I’ll never understand why women feel the need to chase after men who are in relationships. Billions of single men in the world and you want one that’s taken… 

Post # 13
Member
3530 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

Don’t text him. He’s made it clear he’s taken and is not interested in pursuing anything with you, including a friendship. He ignored your first invite and then only responded to let you know he’s taken and to wish you well in your life. That was a nice, “goodbye and good luck” response. He’s over you and the breakup. He’s move forward and you need to as well.

He knows how to find you if his relationship ends and he wants to give things with you another go. For now, consider your lives disconnected.

Post # 14
Member
652 posts
Busy bee

Sorry bee, but you had your chance with John you let him go. I know you said because you were in a bad place at the time. But if you really loved him then you would have allowed him to comfort you and that would have made you and him stronger. But because you couldn’t deal with all that had happened to you, you let him go. And now that you are back on track with your life it’s only now you find you need him back in your life. That’s not fair It’s like you only need him to your convenience. I know for a fact you wouldn’t want someone to use you like that. Like I said you had your chance you let him go, so the only thing left to do is live with your desision and move forward. Best of luck to you.

Post # 15
Member
2286 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I am sorry for all you went through. While John being in a relationship is reason enough not to pursue anything with him (even a friendly “call me when you break up” text is not really in good taste), I think it’s not really even the biggest reason to not call or text him.

 

I think it’s easy to look back now and think all the external forces were to blame, but you were probably right in your intital assessment that you and John were never going to end up marrying, and if you and he are looking for serious relationships, you would be wasting each other’s time staying together. John probably was forced to recognize this after you broke up with him.

It sounds to me like this is less of a case of John being the right one all along, and more like John is good enough for what you’re looking for right now.

 

I think you need to really evaluate what it is about John that makes you want him, vs. awhile back when you didn’t see things moving forward with him. Did you really change your mind about this, or are you now willing to settle for “good enough” when you weren’t willing to settle before?

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