- 2 years ago
Hi everyone, I’m not engaged or even dating anyone, but I’ve been struggling with a dating issue and this community was really supportive when I was the overwhelmed maid of honor for my sister’s wedding.
About a year ago, I went through the hardest period of my life: my grandma died, my brother attempted suicide and had to be hospitalized, and I was in a serious car accident. During this time, I felt like I could barely make it through basic daily tasks. I decided to end things with the guy I was seeing (I’ll call him John), mostly because I was so overwhelmed and depressed and partly because I didn’t feel like things were really moving forward with us. I didn’t want to unload all the things I was going through on him, so I just told him I felt like we should end things because I didn’t see us together long-term. It was a cordial discussion, but we didn’t keep in touch or anything like that.
Fast forward to this past fall, and I’m finally feeling like my life is getting back on track as best it can be. I started going on dates again, and I saw that John was on some of the same dating sites I was. He was always kind of in the back of my mind, and the more guys I went on dates with, the more I feel like he was exactly what I was looking for. After realizing I wanted to give things another shot with John, I waited two months so I could go on a work trip and make sure I really felt strongly about him and wasn’t just reacting because of all the crappy dates I’d gone on recently. I felt pretty confident that John would still be interested since we ended on good terms and he was definitely really into me when we dated.
When I got back from my work trip, I didn’t see John on any dating apps, but I figured I either just wasn’t seeing him or he was taking a break. I sent him a text saying I was at a restaurant we’d had a date at and had thought of him, and I asked if he wanted to get a drink sometime. He didn’t respond, so the next day I sent him another text saying that basically I just wanted to tell him that the reason I ended things was because I had a lot of things going on, it wasn’t because of something I didn’t like about him, and I was sorry things had ended the way they did. He responded immediately and told me not to feel guilty about anything, that he was “spoken for these days” and he hoped I was doing well.
And since then I’ve just been feeling stuck. I’ve tried to date other guys, but I’ve been having terrible luck and somehow ended up with a string of flakes and creeps. I just keep thinking of how well John and I were together and all the thoughtful things he did for me. I hate that if outside influences hadn’t happened we could still be together right now, and I feel like such an idiot for ending things with him.
So I’ve been thinking about contacting him again. I’m not trying to break up his relationship, but I just want him to really know that I know I was stupid ending things and I think we’d really work well together. I’ve thought of texting him something like, “You don’t need to reply to this, but I just wanted you to know that I really regret ending things. If you ever find yourself single again, I’d love for us to give things another shot.” But I’m really conflicted about doing this.
On one hand, I feel like texting him will seem desperate, and I know desperation is a big turn-off. I also tell myself that I already contacted him once, and if he wants to get in touch with me, he knows how.
On the other hand, he’s a bit prideful, and I know he was hurt when I ended things, so I feel like he’d be hesitant to try things again and possibly get rejected again unless really knew I was interested. Also I feel like sending the text and being done with it will help me move on because I will have done everything I can to help him understand how I feel. I do believe in fighting for the things you want in life, and I don’t want to look back on this and think I could have made one last effort. But I’m hesitant because it really does feel like a desperate move to pull.
Any advice would be helpful. I’ve just been feeling really hopeless about ever ending up with anyone, and I feel like that’s clouding my judgement on what to do.