Post # 1
I’m new to WB but I’m glad I found a place where I can vent comfortably without judgment being passed. My SO and I have been in a long term relationship for 3.5 years. I love him and I know he loves me but, I just don’t think he’s going to marry me any time soon. I’m 26 years old, no children, and live by myself. He’s 42, semi grown children, divorced.
The thing is, I’ve tried talking about our relationship to see what was or is his plans and goals for our relationship but eveytime I bring up the subject of us, he gives an excuse as to why he doesn’t never want to talk about it. I will leave it alone for a month and try again only to hit the and brick wall.
He bought an “engagement ring” for valentines day but when he gave it to me all I got was ,”Here go your ring, while you thinking I not gonna may you, ” tossed at me with the ring. After that, I looked at the ring, said it was cute, and have it back to him. I’m not wearing a ring that was thrown at me with such callousness. When he ask me why I’m not wearing his ring, I tell him because I don’t know what I’m wearing it for and refuse to wait five to ten years for a man to be in the fence about me. If he doesn’t feel like I’m the one, then let me be so I can find the one intended for me. Sigh.
It’s gotten so bad, I’m just ready to throw in the towel and live with my dog.
Any advice how to deal with this? Thanks.
Post # 2
End it. If you aren’t happy and he won’t talk about the future, what is the point in staying? You only get better in life if you demand that you deserve better. By staying with him this is what you are telling yourself you deserve.
Post # 3
I think you should live with your dog. There is nothing wrong with having a discussion about timelines and expectations and it sounds like he is avoiding this. Him tossing a ring at you sounds like he wanted to shut you up/ stop having the conversation… but again, the ring doesn’t mean anything because there was no discussion about whether you are commited to one another, engaged… or just wearing a ‘cute’ ring from your boyfriend.
Bee, I’m sorry if this comes across as harsh, but if he is 42, his kids are semi grown and he won’t discuss the future with you, this sounds (to me) like he doesn’t have any plans for a future with you. If you want to be married and have kids (which of course I have no idea if that is your plan or not), it wouldn’t be wise to waste any more of your time on this relationship. Maybe he is just having fun, enjoying your companionship and is content to leave it at that.
To be honest, I am 40-something, and my kids are 10 and 12. If my husband got run over by a bus tomorrow and I was single… and a handsome 26 year old was interested in me, I would enjoy the attention and companionship for sure… but I still wouldn’t want to do the kid thing again- my baby factory is closed!- plus I’m not sure I would even be open to marriage at all. I have a good marriage myself, but that doesn’t mean I would willingly go down that road again given that I had lost my husband, and my kids would be my priority. Introducing another person into the family could be more than complicated. Speaking hypothetically, of course…. I would choose to avoid this. Or at least I think I probably would. So…. I might actually be acting like your boyfriend is now.
Of course, I’m not you and I can’t possibly know what your relationship is really like… but there are enough red flags here to make me think that he is not going to give you what you want.
Post # 4
felice90 : Sounds like it’s already over. Throwing a ring at you? That’s rude and thoughtless and he hasn’t expressed any intent in marrying you. He has kids already, he’s 40 and divorced and probably isn’t thinking about marriage at all right now, especially with someone who is 26 and wants marriage and kids and the whole nine. If that is where he is at right now in life, that’s ok and it’s also ok for you to want what you want as well.
This is a harsh reality and probably not what you want to hear. If I were you though, I would continue to live alone and find someone to date who is on the same page as you and your goals are aligned. I lived by myself my whole adult life up until this year, when I met my current fiance. I’m 31 and he’s 40. He has a daughter and was married previously, but the marriage was more out of obligation and trying to make it work for the child’s sake and it didn’t work out. However, he still wants love, marriage and more children and we are on the same page there.
Post # 5
Wtf? Who would throw a ring at someone? So disrespectful and rude! I think you should call it quits with this relationship. Anyone who isn’t willing to discuss your future together is not even worth the time or day. He clearly has zero respect for you.
Post # 6
He’s a hopeless romantic, isn’t he?
What are you hanging around for. I think that the guy has almost grown children and isn’t particularly interested in doing child rasing again.
Post # 7
I agree with PPs. It’s time to move on.
Post # 8
Echoing everything that PPs said. I’m sorry bee, but it’s time to leave. What is making you stay? He won’t even give you the courtesy of discussing future plans with you. You’re young, you have your whole life ahead of you. Don’t continue another miserable moment with him.
Post # 9
You said “The thing is, I’ve tried talking about our relationship to see what was or is his plans and goals for our relationship but eveytime I bring up the subject of us, he gives an excuse as to why he doesn’t never want to talk about it.”
That would be a deal breaker for me and it’s a HUGE red flag. Any man who truly cares about you and your feelings and wants a future with you, would willingly talk to you about it. When my Fiance and I were dating, I knew he was special because I never, ever had to worry about our future or what he wanted. A good man won’t make you worry like that.
Post # 10
Hoss (my pit bull) and I have found a nice little cottage out on my granddad’s farm. Thank y’all for listening.
Post # 11
felice90 : good for you! We are here if you wanna talk 🙂
Post # 12
felice90 : You do not need someone who treats you with such disrespect. You and he are at very different stages of life. I hope you will find someone else who will treat you properly and who has the same life goals as you. Wishing you all the best!
Post # 13
Good for you. Too bad you threw the ring back though- I’m sure you could have traded it in for something pretty.
Post # 14
smart move, bee 🙂 Enjoy your new place…. and yes, do post again if you would like to.
Post # 15
felice90 : Hi well for some reason I think you are talking about my husband. If this is the little girl I saw walking around my husbands house very mad when we where fighting or maybe this is one of the other girls he sees. I wish you would come out and talk to me I will fill you in on a lot. You have no idea about the real Rob, Bob or whatever you call him. I have been married to this man for 20 yrs. and as you know I don’t give up easily I will fight for what is mine. Do you ever wonder why he doesn’t tell me that he has someone else in his life it’s because if it doesn’t workout with you he can always come back to me. We still make love together and that will never change he is and always will be the love of my life and my best friend. Why don’t you find someone that is your own age so that you can grow old together. Robert tells me that I’m his favorite and he is still attracted to me. You can call me a pig a moose a penguin or whatever you wanna call me. Save yourself and walk away don’t wast your time with some that doesn’t know what he wants. He’s an alcoholic, addicted to different things is that what you really want. Please come talk to me like an adult. I’m sure your a very nice person I just think you should beware of the disfunctionality of this man.