(Closed) NWR Wanting to move abroad, but dad sick. What to do?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Ugh, this is hard. I know where you are coming from. My Fiance and I want to leave our hometown after the wedding and move to another city, away from both of our families.

My dad, while in great health, is really up there in years. He’s always been in amazing shape for his age, but within the past 2-3 years, I’ve seen how his age is catching up with him. It definitely makes me stop to think about how our plans will change.

Our solution is to try and move right away. I told my Fiance that if my dad ever declined or got sick and needed care, we would move straight back home to be with him and to help my mom.

I guess what you have to ask yourself is what is more important to you: to have time with your dad now, while he is somewhat healthy, or be there for him when he doesn’t have much time left? (or both) Would you be able to leave Greece for an extended period of time (say 6 months-1 year) or would you only be able to come home for several weeks?

 

Post # 5
Member
2697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I would probably move.

If you dad had at most 2 years remaining, I would stay. But you just don’t know. I think that if you dad got a transplant and lived another 15 years, you would be over the moon…but you might regret putting your life on hold until that happened. And if his health declines, well…you’ve considered that and it sounds like you are prepared for the steps that you would take to be with him in that situation.

I would talk to your dad about it and explain your hesitation on both sides. If he is anything like most parents, he wouldn’t want you to worry about his health or let it delay any dreams you have for your own life.

And, you’re here for a while yet. Your plans can be tentative based on where he is next summer. Good luck.

Post # 6
Member
2889 posts
Sugar bee

I live in Europe, my fmaily in the US. A week after I took my current job, my mom was diagnosed with cancer. At the time, I felt like I needed to make a similar decision to potentially be close to her as she went through surgery and such. I talked it through with my parents and made a plan to have a mom visit after she was at a specific point in her treatment plan. She did not want me to quit my job and come home and I realized that I (you) need to manage my own life and future together with my Darling Husband. Luckily, she is in remission now but I always think about things I am missing out on at home. That being said, Darling Husband and I are happy here and hae extended our time outside of the US. 

However, I would be very skeptical of uprooting and starting a business in Greece next year. Tourism or not, if Greece leaves the Euro Zone, who knows what will happen to tourism and the economy. I know he is Greek but you should really look into that further before changing your life and investing in a fragile country IMO. 

Post # 9
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

@honeybeelove:  I don’t know your parents, but I have dealt with similar challenges.  My mother wanted me to live my life and to be happy.  She would have not wanted me to put my life on hold for an extended period of time for her.  What I did was make sure I made frequent  trips home, made family a priority, and when things got really bad, then I did take time off to be with her full time.  But if your dad’s outlook is unclear, he could have plenty of year’s left, and you don’t want to stick around just out of guilt.  You will resent him by doing that and you will regret that.  Go, live your life, and just make sure that visits home are a regular part of that life and that you stay involved from afar.  I have been there, its really hard to live your life when you are consumed by potential regret, just make the best decisions you can.

Post # 11
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: May 2007

Ugh. I know how you feel. I have put off moving for TEN YEARS out of guilt. I am one of 2 children, and I have the only 2 grandchildren and my brother is not even married or thinking about kids. My family has been here in Jersey for generations, and my parents just don’t understand that I want OUT. I hate it here. My husband is from New England, and we would love to move up there. But my mother keeps going in and out of remission with breast and bone cancer. Every time we start to plan a move, she gets ill again. My father makes me feel very guilty for even considering a move. I understand that neither of them want to be away from their grandchildren, but I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. If I leave and she gets worse and dies, I will never forgive myself. But if I stay, I will regret never leaving this place and living my life. I have no answer for you. But I wish you the best.

Post # 12
Member
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

NM. I see now that this was an ancient thread resurrected. 🙂

Post # 14
Member
1460 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

You might want to speak to someone with a strong background in finance.  I know you say that the islands aren’t affected as badly as the mainland but if Greece gets dropped by the Eurozone and has to go back to a drachma I’m not sure how stable you would be.  Greece has just been bailed out again and I’ve read that a potential third bail out will be their “euro end”.  You have time to plan things out but you definitely need to plan.

Would it be possible for you to move someplace else in the states for better employment?

Good luck!

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