Post # 1
Just curious what everyone’s policies were on visitors after their babies were born? I’m starting to get really frustrated with the number of people my Darling Husband has had over to see our now still only 12-day old PREMIE daughter and wondering if I’m out of line in wanting to put my foot down now. My main concern is with germs, and there have even been numerous outbreaks of whooping cough in our area and our daughter is too young to get any vaccines.
Maybe I’m being ridiculous, but I spent nine months depriving myself of so much as a runny egg to protect her, and he can’t at least ask SOME of his family and friends to wait until she’s a little older to come visit? For example, today he wants to drag her out into the city to see a sister he doesn’t even like! The girl has 10 kids and who knows what kind of germs or colds she could be carrying. He’s already had NINE other visitors in the 12 days since she’s been born, many of which haven’t even been family or super-close friends. I’ve had ZERO. My sisters are flying in from out of state to see her but I made them get all their vaccinations before coming, and that’s still only TWO people.
He knows I’m not happy about all the visitors, but he just wont listen. He has 6 brothers and sisters and 27 nieces and nephews so there are plenty more people who are wanting to come see her. There is just no end in sight and I’m getting really upset at his lack of regard for my concerns 🙁 If I say something else, firm, does anyone recommend how to put it to get through? And is it ridiculous to put my foot down here? Ugh, please help!
Post # 3
I said no one at all for 4 weeks while we bonded as a family. And, you probably aren’t feeling too hot either. I think you need to put your foot down. You need to explain that you need time (without other people) to breastfeed/bond/whatever.
As far as germs, explain to your hubs about whooping cough and require anyone who wants to see the baby before 6 weeks that they MUST have the TDAP vaccine. Then they must wash their hands before touching her. This may easily drop the number of visitors (until after 6 weeks). Explain that as a preemie you need to take even more special precautions. Acknowledge that this is his baby as well but he needs to be with his baby not hosting guests.
Maybe after getting the shots (like 2 days later) you can have him host a welcome baby party. Then you can get it all done in one shot.
Post # 4
I would try and suggest the party element when shes a little bit older? That way everyone gets to see her, but shes older and stronger and vaccinated. Also its just one day and not constant interruptions to you and your babies routine. Whilst he is bound to be excited and wanting to share his lovely little girl, a premie is vulnerable and needs time to settle and also YOU need time to recover and stare at your baby without visitors everywhere.
Theres a whole year for visitors to see her when she’s a baby, there’s no need for rush, especially if she is vulnerable. You could always pull the ‘she needs time to settle into a routine and mum needs time to recover’ card.
Post # 5
When my daughter was born, I had a hard time with the fact that she was also my husband’s daughter. I don’t know if that makes sense. I just felt like I gave up EVERYTHING for 9 months and that when she was born she was MINE, and all decisions he made regarding her were wrong and stupid. I had to get over it quickly-and you may not even be experiencing that, but I just thought in case you were that I would tell you that I did too.
I understand that he wants his family to meet her. She is his daughter and he is excited. Now taking her out of the house (as she is a premie) I don’t agree with, but it is hard to tell people to scram when there is a new baby around. So, maybe you guys can come up with a schedule that suits you both, and his family has to follow it so it is not like every tom dick and harry ringing the doorbell every 10 seconds. As for germs, most people are respectful-have sanitizor available for everyone that walks in the door and just say that as her immune system is not fully developed you would appreciate a limit on holding and touching. Maybe even announce it (in the most cheerful and least controlling way possible) as soon as guests come in before they even ask to hold the baby so they dont feel personally dissed.
Also-after a few weeks people seriously lose interest. I went from feeling like a celeb after I had my daughter to like “Um…wtf I am not special anymore?” so you do have comfort in knowing that. lol.
These are just my suggestions. In the end she is your daughter. But just remember always that people are just very excited and happy for you and your new family, and new babies make everyone barf rainbows and feel good so they tend to become a little goofey.
Post # 6
@flamingred: Completely agree!
I think the compromise above sounds like a great idea. Maybe if you can convince him family and close friends only, and at the best time for you. I definately agree that everyone needs to be washing their hands and using hand sanitizer before touching her.
Post # 7
@flamingred: “But just remember always that people are just very excited and happy for you and your new family, and new babies make everyone barf rainbows and feel good so they tend to become a little goofey.”
LOL! I loved this, and yeah, I do sort of feel you on the “she’s mine” mentality… it’s kind of weird, like you can’t help but feel it a little bit! – not that I would ever say that to Darling Husband. I don’t think all his decisions regarding her are stupid, but I do feel I should have the ultimate say, even knowing I don’t have even close to a valid argument for that 😛
@brownieMomma: Now I feel much less ridiculous! Four weeks sounds like a perfect policy. Honestly, at the end of the day, the health and well-being of the baby should be prioritized over family members’ “right” to come see/hold her. That’s not beneficial to anyone except making them feel all warm and fuzzy and barf rainbows like flaming said.
@lucyh2bee: I like the idea of the party! I love being social as much as the next person and it’s not my cup of tea to be a hermit for two months either, but I don’t think asking Darling Husband to make that sacrifice after I sacrificed NINE months is too unreasonable.
Now I just need to get up the courage to say something today… I really hate fighting with him and he is getting pretty defensive on this issue :/
Post # 9
He needs to understand how important this is. Premie + no vaccines + germs + tired, recovering mom = he needs to do what you need and what baby needs. No more visitors! Tell him flat out. There is no fight – he needs to man up and tell his family, “right now is not a good time, we would love to see you but we all need some quiet family time – just the three of us. we will call you when we are ready for visitors”.