(Closed) Wanting your SO to work just based on principle?

posted 2 years ago in Career
Post # 76
Member
9614 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

pinkshoes :  for reals. I meal plan for the week and shop once! But then again I dont knit my own socks so what do I know 🙂

Post # 77
Member
5189 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

I have never been a homemaker because of the simple fact that there is nowhere near enough to do in my house to warrant me staying at home. I have more holiday than my SO and occasionally have a day at home, even if the house is slightly messy I have nothing to do from like 1/2pm and then there would be basically no ‘homemaking’ to do the next day.

TeresaBenedicta :  

Post # 78
Member
9623 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

I’d expect him to do *something* productive with his time.

If he’s handy and decides to spent 100% of his time fixing up the house and raising kids (should you choose to have them), hey that’s awesome.  Building a deck/adding pavers/fixing the roof/painting the home/building a pantry/insulating the attic/etc.. are not easy nor cheap.  (I’d know, we just bought a house and are currently struggling with how little we can DIY because we’re both kind of useless haha.)  He could easily contribute $50k+ worth of labor per year if he were to handle the childcare and housework/handiwork.  You could buy a house that needs some work (saving y’all money on the downpayment and mortgage) and he could make the house worth way more.. again.. IF he’s handy.

If he’s not.. well.. yeah I’d ask him to work.  People need a purpose, IMO… having someone hanging around the house doing nothing all day would be infuriating.

 

Post # 79
Member
1366 posts
Bumble bee

I’d love to have a stay at home husband if I could afford it. The level of cleaning, organizing, cooking, etc. would be way higher than I expect with two working people though. 

Post # 80
Member
343 posts
Helper bee

pinkshoes :  well, some people want the freshest produce possible, they want meat that has been cut by a butcher specifically for a meal and wrapped in paper not in plastic, etc. They want to shop at a market where they can buy individual eggs that were layed the day before and bread that was baked that morning. Some people do not want their groceries to come from supermarkets.

zzar45 :  :shrug: like I said, maybe try it. There’s not only me, there’s all my lazy homemaking friends that have made a living running the homes of unmarried people or couples with no kids. We are legion and we are freeloaders apparently doing meaningless busy work. I personally LOVE when someone who has no experience tells me about my job. it’s the BEST. 

Post # 82
Member
9614 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

TeresaBenedicta :  but you realize that you dont have to go to such insane extremes to run a pleasant, healthy, and tidy household? I have no doubt that you filled up a full time job individually selecting eggs and running around to every specialty shop in town and making things as gourmet and tedious as possible for your primadonna employers who demand nothing less. But that is not real life for us plebians! Most people do not have staff and most people would. not. do. that. even if they werent working. You think the OPs husband is going to go make sure the meat is hand cut never touching plastic and start ironing bed sheets? no. Are you really saying thats what most housewives do? Because Id bet for every Martha Stewart milling her own flour theres 10+ gym bunnies playing tennis and lunching with ladies and then busting out a power clean and simple dinner for the last hour before husband gets home. The SAHWs in my town STILL have maids/nannies/staff. They are not goop-ing all day. 

Post # 83
Member
107 posts
Blushing bee

mingogo4 :  I think you hit the nail on the head here – it is really all about utility. If it would make you a lot happier and your life a lot better to have an “extreme homemaking” lifestyle then awesome – knock yourself out. But if it wouldn’t, then it really is a waste of time that could be better spent contributing to something that would increase your utility – be that making money for vacations, or saving up for early retirement, or spending time volunteering, or making money that you can then donate to charity. Whatever floats your boat!

I am currently pregnant and have been off work for the majority of my pregnancy due to some health concerns and let me tell you – I find it totally impossible to fill my days with housekeeping tasks. I clean, I shop, I cook, I workout, I run errands, I sew and look after all of our day-to-days (managing bills etc) but these things bring me no pleasure and I am SO BORED. That said, I know my Darling Husband could come up with a million useful things to do (that he would enjoy) if he didn’t have to work – build things for our house, do some side programming, train more (he is a serious athlete) – and my feeling is that as long as he was doing SOMETHING increased our utility I would be okay with him not working.

Post # 84
Member
343 posts
Helper bee

MrsBuesleBee :  if someone is a homemaker – not a Stay-At-Home Mom – but a homemaker, and their primary occupation in life is the making of a home, I would expect them to be doing homemaking tasks at a higher level than the typical working person or the typical Stay-At-Home Mom. Obviously there are lazy, do the bare minimum homemakers just as there are lazy do bare minimum teachers, plumbers, and office workers.

A homemaker has an important role, and if they do it well their family can get more out of life.
The end. 

Post # 85
Member
14899 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

 TeresaBenedicta :  Well….. Most people don’t require the *freshes procduce, and a specific butcher or whatever it is you’re trying to defend as being a “full time homemaker”, so no matter how much work you try to say a “professional paid homemaker”, “real” people are living that way.  If you were paid to spend all that time doing *something* to run the household, sure, I’m sure anyone can find ways to spend (waste) that time doing so.  Some people dont want their food from a grocery store…. sure, ok some people have more money than they know what to do with and hire a homemaker to waste as much time as they can to give them the most luxurious fresh food, run every little errand, and be over the top with a white glove daily cleaning service.    And then to get back to real life and how most people live…. “homemaking” is NOT a full time job and can be done along side a paying full time job.

Post # 86
Member
5189 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

TeresaBenedicta :  what do you mean people who have no experience at your job?? The things you’re talking about are things people do AND hold down a job! 

I don’t see how you can say I couldn’t possibly understand as I don’t have experience home making, well guess what I run errands, I make home cooked meals, I wash the sheets, feed the pet, mop the floors, dust the architraving, do the laundry etc etc etc and I manage to do it in between working full time, working out most days and going for cocktails with the girls several times a week.

‘running a household’ that only includes you and one other person is just in no world equivalent to a full time job. There are only so many tasks you can create to fill time, only so many meals you can cook for two people and only so many sets of silverware you can polish.

Post # 87
Member
343 posts
Helper bee

pinkshoes :   zzar45 :     Your comments here are similiar to what I heard as a teacher – people thinking they know the work teachers do because they were once an after school tutor. 

The two of you, I’m willing to bet, have never been homemakers. I know this is somewhat complex to understand: A homemaker is not someone who happens to have a home. Most people have homes, very few people are homemakers.  A homemaker is someone who primarily occupies their time with the tasks associated with homemaking. Homemaking is the work at which they dedicate their energies, it is the thing they devote themselves to doing with maximum skill and artistry.

I can tell this is a sensitive topic. Leave it to women, I swear. Just because you are not called a homemaker does not imply you are not keeping a proper home. 

 

Post # 88
Member
438 posts
Helper bee

The two of you, I’m willing to bet, have never been homemakers.

And neither, I bet, have you.  Look, the more you post, the less sense you make.  I did what you purport to have done for a comparable salary + room & board – but in the late 90s.  Even then no reputable agency would have sent anyone to a household that demanded their single employee to do the work of five.  I worked with staff and would have never been expected to grow food or detail vehicles.  I also never had to lug a vacuum anywhere, since even at that point in history central vacs were a thing.  As for couponing… really?

Listen, I understand that you’d love nothing more than to stay at home.  But you could probably get your point across much better if you left out the tall tales.

 

Post # 89
Member
14899 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

TeresaBenedicta :   A homemaker is someone who primarily occupies their time with the tasks associated with homemaking. Homemaking is the work at which they dedicate their energies, it is the thing they devote themselves to doing with maximum skill and artistry.

Oh geez, this is just funny to me now, but hardly a sensitive topic.  You are just trying to redefine what you feel a homemaker is based on your paid position.  A “homemaker” by definition is simply one who manages a household.  No where does it state that it requires dedicating the majority of your time to it, or daily food shopping and hot meals 3x a day, or washing your car once a week, or any of the other extravagant fluff you did.  You were being paid to do tasks, tasks that were apparently above and beyond what a everyday “homemaker” does… but that doesnt make anyone else any less of a “homemaker” by definition.  

Post # 90
Member
343 posts
Helper bee

hampsterdance :   I was a homemaker. I am not a homemaker now and do not plan to be a homemaker in the future. I didn’t hate it but I enjoy my current role as a cog in capitalist machinery. So … your theory is wrong.  

I think this is funny, let me point it out — that on the one hand folks are saying what I did couldn’t possibly have taken up a full time job —- and then here is you, saying I was doing the work of 5. Pick a lane, ladies!

pinkshoes : OK, at the next cocktail party you go to, when someone asks what you do, be sure to tell them you are a “homemaker.” Be sure your husband mentions that he is a homemaker as well :eyeroll: 

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