Wants to get "married" but doesn't want to sign the papers

posted 1 month ago in Relationships
Post # 77
Member
135 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2020

aswil23 :  very good decision! wishing you best of luck in your hunt for a partner worthy of your time 🙂 

Post # 78
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2019 - USA

aswil23 :  Good for you, bee. Ending a relationship (no matter what the reason) is always hard but you absolutely made the right choice. You have just set a standard for yourself for how you deserve to be treated. *hugs*

Post # 79
Member
3579 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

“You’re not like other girls” is not meant as a compliment, it’s a threat.

When a guy says that, he’s not saying you’re amazing or special, he’s saying he thinks women are [insert generic character flaws here] and if you ever act like that (even if it’s entirely reasonable), you’ll no longer be worthy of his time and attention. 

This shit is used to keep women “in line”. Not to make us feel good about ourselves. 

And if you find yourself thinking it *is* a compliment, I’d be really curious to know what it is that you think is so awful about “other girls” that not being like us is a worthy goal. 

Post # 80
Member
336 posts
Helper bee

aswil23 :  Good for you! Dating is hard and breaking up is hard. But you just saved yourself a lot of wasted time and heartache. This is not the end of your story… better days are ahead!

Post # 81
Member
3579 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

Duplicate post. 

Post # 82
Member
3579 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

Glad to hear you’re leaving! 

Post # 83
Member
793 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Happy for you OP, that takes courage and i really applaud you for that. I really hope you keep this sense of worth with you on your dating journey. The sooner you move on from men who aren’t a right fit, the sooner you will find the right person for you. I think the people who have the most success in dating are the ones who identify the red flags fast, and move on to someone else as soon as they see them. It really is a wonderful quality to be able to have the kind of determination and self worth to do that. 

Post # 84
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2019 - USA

sboom :  Well said!! I remember Demi Moore recently gave an interview where she said, “When you decide who someone is, you take away the opportunity for them to be anything else.” If this guy is so quick to write women off, it would probably be her on the chopping block whenever she did anything he judged to be unreasonable. 

Post # 85
Member
2099 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Good for you, OP! Glad to see a woman not taking bullshit.

Another poster commented:

“I asked for a prenuptial agreement because I agree (somewhat) with your partner. What’s ours when we’re together is ours, but I’ll be damned if I’m ever left paying alimony. I think it’s shitty to be buying toilet paper to wipe your butt with on your ex’s dime.” 

Alimony is pretty damn rare, but when it is awarded it’s usually for a good reason. If you and your partner agreed that he/she would stay home, not invest in a career, not gain marketable skills, but instead raise your children, clean your house, and otherwise take care of your life for decades so that you could make a living, leaving them in poverty when you divorce is cruel and unfair. She/he (almost always “she”, but for argument sake, let’s concede it could technically be a man) cleaned your shit and your children’s shit for years at the expense of a career and now you won’t pay for the toilet paper to wipe her ass? That’s cold.

Post # 86
Member
9216 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

i only read 2 pages of comments, but didn’t see anyone address this.

i’m assuming that he is the father of your children in the situation. so whether you marry or not, he most likely will have to pay child support depending on your custody agreement.  he doesn’t get a free pass just because he didn’t marry you.

Post # 87
Member
2281 posts
Buzzing bee

ajillity81 :  wrong thread, bee 🙂 there are an awful lot of these types of posts circulating lately, though! definitely easy to get confused lol

Post # 88
Member
8919 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

sboom :  “And if you find yourself thinking it *is* a compliment, I’d be really curious to know what it is that you think is so awful about “other girls” that not being like us is a worthy goal.” — Yes! I typed and deleted like 10 times because I could not say this right. You nailed it.

Post # 89
Member
10956 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

KittyYogi :  

You’re right.  I probably didn’t word that correctly.

Alimony, if it’s awarded at all, is generally going to require a long term marriage, and disparity in income or earning power.  It is not, as OP’s idiot ex seems to think, gender based. Each state handles it differently, but, when the marriage is shorter term, there may be a one time equalization payment if one spouse’s income is significantly higher than the other’s. 

It’s quite common for a judge to grant the lower earning spouse temporary maintenance payments to get them on their feet.  By “temporary”, it’s often in the neighborhood of six months.

Post # 90
Member
67 posts
Worker bee

aswil23 :  YAY. Good for you! Proud of you for putting yourself first over a relationship with someone who clearly had no idea how lucky he was to have you.

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors