Post # 1
I just got a message from a girl I was friends with in high school asking for my address so she could invite me to her wedding next year.
We were casual friends in high school and haven’t really spoken since, but saw each other at an event recently and were talking about our engagements.
I wouldn’t mind going to her wedding, even though I haven’t seen/talked to her in, like, 7 years, but does that mean I “have to” invite her to my wedding?
It’s not that I don’t like her, but we don’t have anything in common anymore and she’s a bit overbearing … and I’m keeping the guest list to close friends only b/c my mom’s family is so big.
Stupid dilemmas! lol
Post # 3
Nope – you don’t need to invite her. (granted, I am not an etiquette expert.) But I have invited people to my wedding that I was not invited to and I have been invited to weddings by people that we could not invite to ours. Every person’s situation is different and (hopefully) people know that we can’t invite everyone to our wedding.
Post # 4
@Stace126: If you attend hers, I would invite her. It would be the nice thing to do. She paid for your so pay for her and her husband?
Post # 5
You don’t have to if you don’t want to. If you can afford the extra plate and do not mind having an extra person to celebrate in your day that’s up to you. I think that only your nearest and dearest really need to be invited to the wedding. If you have never been close to her I would not worry about it too much.
Post # 6
You don’t have to invite her but I would explain in advance that you wish you could invite her but that you are only having a small wedding with family and close friends, just so she gets the heads up about why she is not invited.
Post # 7
Absolutely not. Don’t ever feel obligated to invite someone to your wedding.
Post # 8
There’s no rule who says you have to invite her. It might be a little awkward, because a lot of people expect reciprocal invitations, but you can just explain to her “Thank you so much for the interest in my wedding! We really would have loved to invite you and Darling Husband, but unfortunately we had to keep a SUPER tight grip on the guest list, and only invited close family.” And then change the subject and move on.
Post # 9
@LuvMySailor: I disagree. Just give a really nice gift if you want to “reimburse” the other couple out of guilt.
Post # 10
When you accept a formal invitation to dinner (or any other substantive entertainment, such as a theatre party) you accept also the responsibility to return the hospitality. Do NOT think in terms of “paying off” the invitation with a material gift. Traditional etiquette finds that motivation shocking: it turns what started out as a generous impulse by the host into a commercial transaction.
Your return hospitality, however, does not have to be offered at the same life-event. If it were, the already-married guests at a wedding would be unable to fulfil their responsibilities. And your return hospitality should be offered in the same season, so all unmarried guests whose wedding plans are a year or more off would also be stuck.
All you have to do is invite the new couple over to your house for dinner, or if you do not entertain at home then take them out to dinner.It doesn’t have to be at your wedding; it could be any time.
You also, of course, have the responsibility to thank your hosts for the meal before you leave on that evening; and to send a bread-and-butter note the next day. With that, etiquette is satisfied and you can go on with your wedding planning.