(Closed) Wants to Invite Me to Hers but …

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
743 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Nope – you don’t need to invite her.  (granted, I am not an etiquette expert.)  But I have invited people to my wedding that I was not invited to and I have been invited to weddings by people that we could not invite to ours.  Every person’s situation is different and (hopefully) people know that we can’t invite everyone to our wedding. 

Post # 4
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Stace126: If you attend hers, I would invite her. It would be the nice thing to do. She paid for your so pay for her and her husband?

Post # 5
Member
1962 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

You don’t have to if you don’t want to. If you can afford the extra plate and do not mind having an extra person to celebrate in your day that’s up to you. I think that only your nearest and dearest really need to be invited to the wedding. If you have never been close to her I would not worry about it too much.

Post # 6
Member
620 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

You don’t have to invite her but I would explain in advance that you wish you could invite her but that you are only having a small wedding with family and close friends, just so she gets the heads up about why she is not invited.

Post # 7
Member
280 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Absolutely not. Don’t ever feel obligated to invite someone to your wedding.

Post # 8
Member
2820 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

There’s no rule who says you have to invite her. It might be a little awkward, because a lot of people expect reciprocal invitations, but you can just explain to her “Thank you so much for the interest in my wedding! We really would have loved to invite you and Darling Husband, but unfortunately we had to keep a SUPER tight grip on the guest list, and only invited close family.” And then change the subject and move on.

Post # 9
Member
2820 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

@LuvMySailor: I disagree. Just give a really nice gift if you want to “reimburse” the other couple out of guilt.

Post # 10
Member
1696 posts
Bumble bee

@Stace126:

When you accept a formal invitation to dinner (or any other substantive entertainment, such as a theatre party) you accept also the responsibility to return the hospitality. Do NOT think in terms of “paying off” the invitation with a material gift. Traditional etiquette finds that motivation shocking: it turns what started out as a generous impulse by the host into a commercial transaction.

Your return hospitality, however, does not have to be offered at the same life-event. If it were, the already-married guests at a wedding would be unable to fulfil their responsibilities. And your return hospitality should be offered in the same season, so all unmarried guests whose wedding plans are a year or more off would also be stuck.

All you have to do is invite the new couple over to your house for dinner, or if you do not entertain at home then take them out to dinner.It doesn’t have to be at your wedding; it could be any time.

You also, of course, have the responsibility to thank your hosts for the meal before you leave on that evening; and to send a bread-and-butter note the next day. With that, etiquette is satisfied and you can go on with your wedding planning.

 

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