Post # 1
When FI and I first started planning we decided to make it kid free. With one exception, FIs first cousin. He is an older kid (9) and generally well behaved. However his parents, FIs aunt and uncle, are very disorganized, rudely late to everything, and a bit flaky. Anyways our RSVP deadline rolled around and of course we never got a reply from this family. I had to email those we hadn’t heard from to try and get their responses and meal choices. So i messaged FIs uncle and said that we’re so happy they are coming and gave them the heads up that cousin will be the only kid in attendance so they may want to bring a game boy for him or something and we can get him a kids meal if he prefers it to the adult options. AlsO let them know there will be cigars (I think he has asthma) lots of drinking and dinner won’t be until 9. I tried to state it all as nicely as possible while giving them the heads up so they can bring snacks for cousin and have a plan to get him back home if he is tired.
Later this evening FMIL called to say said Uncle called and gave her their meal selections and that he got the message about cousin and she specifically called a couple lines from my message. I’m probably reading way too into it but do you think they were offended? IMO I should be offended as they never rsvped and we had to hunt them down and they’re so scattered brained I was concerned they wouldn’t come prepared for cousin. But i could see if maybe they thought i was dictating! I udnno. Was I in the wrong at all?
Post # 3
I don’t think you were wrong at all, you were just letting them know how the night would go…no big deal!
Post # 4
I don’t know if they were offended, but as a parent, I’d be glad to have the information you shared. Knowing the plans and timetable would give me an idea of how to plan the day to keep my child engaged in activities to keep him busy. Don’t worry, I think you did the right thing. And, you are being gracious to include the boy.
Post # 5
That’s the problem with email. Sometimes things come across completely different that we meant them to. That they followed up with your FMIL suggests that they were offended, so I’d just try to be extra sweet at the wedding. No harm, no foul.
Post # 6
@RedAngelDreamer: you’re right. the problem with email is that there is no tone, or the receiver can set the tone however they want.
Post # 7
Did they actually tell you they were coming? it sounds from the post that you just emailed and assumed that. anyway, it seems a little rude to tell someone that you know they are bringing your kid, but by the way, its not kid friendly and here’s a bucnh of reasons why. they could have inferred most of that by the timeframe. i might have just stopped at telling them he would be the only kid there.
Post # 8
Thanks for the reassurance everyone. We heard through family they were planning to come but we never got the card and I needed to know for sure and get entree selections. I got the impressionthey likely lost the invite because they’re so disorganized hence why I told them and some of the things I shared weren’t mentioned in the invite and I thought it’d be important to them having a youngster with them.
Post # 9
I don’t want to make you feel bad, but when I read all you said, I felt as if you were micromanaging their child’s agenda at the wedding. By nine years, they probably know what to do with their kid at events, but the meal and cigar information seemed helpful.
I’m sure you were polite, as you sounded very polite in your post here. Upon reading your post again, I came away with maybe you are just sensitive to him having a good time. They might not have given it a second read, so…
But this is all very minor. Any type of way that the instructions made them feel, I’m sure they’ll get over it by the wedding. That’s really a petty thing to get an attitude with you about, so….
I’d just go on with life, knowing that I meant well, if I were you. If it gets brought up, just apologize for making anyone feel any kind of way and smile and move to the next topic.
Post # 10
I had a similar situation and the mom was really happy I was so thoughtful. My ringbearer and his little brother both go to bed at like…630, but our rehearsal dinner is only at 730…so I sent his mom a message and just said that I was in no way trying to tell her not to bring the boys to the rehearsal dinner but it would be at 730, in case she did want to get a sitter in order to prevent any grumpiness the next day. She was really glad I let her know and decided to keep the younger one home no matter what, and my ring bearer will come if he takes a nap haha.
If these ppl are offended they probably couldn’t tell if you were trying to be helpful or just trying to say he’s invited but probably shouldn’t come because of x, y, z. like PP said…just apologize if they bring it up and move on…let them know that if cousin johnny needs anything, let *someone other than you* know.
Post # 11
@candykiss: They were lucky you made an exception for them and warned them about what it was going to be like – nobody else got that. Don’t read into it.