(Closed) Warning – Bitter Bee Vent

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 17
Member
52 posts
Worker bee

I commend you for your outlook on the situation. Also, for your patience. I am going on year 3, and I’m feeling the way you are now. Best of luck to you. I hope it works out, either way. 

Post # 18
Member
130 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

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@endofmyrope:  I’m 8 years and almost 4 months waiting and I know that SO has something planned for this summer – but I also know that it’s taken him 12 months so far to get  the cash together for a ring. I also know that if I hadn’t have had the conversation with him a year and a half ago- after two couples we knew got married ( both of whom had only been together 2 year max.) he may never have considered marriage. Initially he got grumpy about talking about it but then I explained why it was important to me he started to listen and understand. Some guys just take longer than others and some don’t even think of it as an option , and need it to be laid out to them.

 None the less I believe that you should do what ever it is that makes you happy.

Post # 19
Member
818 posts
Busy bee

I agree with

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@Andr0meda: and
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@Fiberoptic:  

good luck! I hope everything works out either way.

Post # 20
Member
11 posts
Newbee

@endofmyrope

I’m pretty much in the same position as you right now. Except I haven’t been waiting for 8yrs. Almost 3yrs for myself. But I’m 31 almost 32 and he is about to turn 34. I’m in no mood to wait for him to figure out what he needs in life and decide if getting married to me is one of them.

I hope it works out for you and it’s good to know you have a plan in place. I swear that’s the one thing that is keeping me sane, knowing I have a contigency plan in place.

Post # 21
Member
1512 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I hope it all works out for. Good job in having such a posiive outlook. I think I would be super grumpy all the time if I’d been waiting 8 years! I was getting grumpy, and it had only been 2. Sometimes enough is enough.

Post # 22
Member
3460 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

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@handcraftedG33k:  You’re me!  Almost.  But I was 31, almost 32 and 3 years and 2 weeks when he proposed (although he was two weeks into 36).  Hang in there!

Post # 23
Member
811 posts
Busy bee

More power to you – you know what you want and you are willing to do what it takes to get it. I have nothing but major respect for you 🙂

Post # 24
Member
212 posts
Helper bee

i’m happy that you are taking control of the situation.  good luck!!! 

Post # 25
Member
147 posts
Blushing bee

Wow, way to really take a stand for yourself and what you believe in. Its soo hard to give up on something that you want without letting go of something you value greatly. I’m glad your faith keeps you strong and motivated to do the right thing. 

I also agree that he will drag it out as long as he thinks he can, but if you can’t even TALK about it then I’d hit the road running. You may never know, someone could be waiting for you to find them. 

<3

Post # 26
Member
1576 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Congratulations on taking control of your own life!  I don’t agree with some PPs who said that he “deserves” warning– he’s had 8 years!  He knows what you want from the relationship.  There’s no need to give warning, so that he can come up with some half-assed proposal right under the wire so that he can keep you around.  I think you have the right idea.. you’ve made up your mind, now you just need to follow through.  Best of luck to you!!

Post # 27
Member
1157 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

You have been more patient than I ever could.I don’t think there is anything wrong with you letting him know that his time is up.My mom had lived with my dad for two years and said she could tell he was getting to comfortable.She told him they needed to get married or go their separate ways.He asked her to marry him and they have been married over 34 years.Let’s face it,we all won’t get the super romantic well thought out proposals.That doesn’t matter much anyway.If you have a great relationship otherwise,tell him how you feel.I hope things work out for you.

Post # 28
Member
363 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I am with you 100% love is not enough. What that extra something is… well for me its wanting the same future and actively taking steps to get there. And I know that standing your ground and ripping your own heart out to walk away is hard. I’ve done it and it hurt like hell but it was worth it. So go forth, live, and thrive. And know that you’ve got one more supporter.

Post # 29
Member
181 posts
Blushing bee

@endofmyrope:   sweetheart you hit the nail {squarly} on the head…. and for you bees out there that have been waiting this long or longer i have a lil advice… make your self unavalible… go out with you girlfriends… start getting jazzy… mani, pedi,new hair style, new makeup,NEW UNDERWARE, new killer dress, some freak um pumps { wear none of these for him just let him see them on as u come and go}.. dont answer you phone when he call make him wait.. when he ask what you are doing…… tell him your out with the girls.. or you needed some me time. the killer .. tell him your not in the mood but dont be mean just say you have alot on your mind.. be vauge. i did this to my SO when he started getting too comfortable.. and now hes talking wedding plans and an august engagement 

in the end its a win win situation….. this may kick him in to realizing he really doesnt want to lose you ..or he doesnt step up and your   primmed and trimmed and ready for that 1 eo walk into your life

OH PS: he will get a lil pissy ……..he will ask you where your going and why your looking all extra sexy. whats on your mind and if theres some one else …. dont get defensive just laugh …make a joke … whatever fits your personality

Post # 30
Member
1238 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@endofmyrope:  I hear you, I was with my SO for 15 years before he proposed, we met at university when I was 19 & he was 20 & even though it meant a lot to my parents who are religious it didnt really become a priority for him.  I tihnk it was difficult as he came from a broken home & his mum had always said marriage was rubbish, a waste of time & just a peice of paper.  He also said he waited so long as he wanted to be able to provide a good life for us & wanted us to have more money when we got married.  I love him so much & wouldnt advocate leaving anyone just becuase they havent proposed, there could be many reasons.  I never nagged or begged, I did bring it up occasionally & sometimes (when Im feeling mean) tease him about how long it took.  But I am very happy.  I hope it all works out.

Post # 31
Member
347 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

let me just say you are a better woman than me, theres no way i could wait that long, your patience level is incredible. and i will also say ive kinda been in your shoes, except i left in year 4 of our relationship, that was my max waiting limit.

 leaving was the best thing i ever did. i didnt pressure or drag him to look at rings, i just let him know that i would no longer be waiting for him to realize what ive known all along. once i left the light switch effect happened for him, im a good woman he knew id be fine with or without him, and theres plenty available suitors who could fill his spot.

he came crawling back with a date and a ring soon after. i honestly think some men just need that reality check, you have to shake things up a bit cause some of them get too comfortable in thinking ‘you’re not going anywhere’

once he seen i was moving on with my life, he came along, so i applaud you for getting off the waiting train and doing whats best for you.

if a man really loves you hes not going to go anywhere, hopefully your guy gets it together.

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