Post # 1
I’m sorry for another post about babies. It seems like thats all thats happening in my life right now (well except for that wedding thing!) but I just had to share this…
A few days ago a couple that we know lost their baby. She went into labor at about 20 weeks and had to give birth to the still born baby. Obviously this is heartbreaking. I couldn’t even imagine going through what they are dealing with right now.
Yesterday, she posted the babies name on her FB as well as the weight and length. I thought posting the weight and length was a little off but too each their own, I guess. If I were in her situation, maybe I would have done the same thing, who knows…
Well today I login and I notice her profile picture was changed. I clicked on it only to find that she changed her profile pic to a picture of her and her husband holding the deceased baby. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. The baby was not covered with a blanket, you could clearly see the little face. Now, this is definitely not something that I would have done but maybe it was her way of coping? I dont know. What I do know is that seeing the picture instantly made both Fiance and I very uncomfortable.
Now before anyone jumps down my throat, I’ve never gone through something like this so I dont know what I would do in this situation but I do have a number of friends who have and none of them have ever posted a picture of the baby on FB. They have pictures of the baby but they don’t share those with anyone.
Is it just me or this a little off?
Post # 3
They have suffered a loss and are grieving in the only way they know how. There is no right or wrong way to grieve.
Post # 4
The grief is clearly blinding them. I think it’s really inappropriate and someone should point this out to them..
Post # 5
Grief is a very personal thing, and everyone handles it differently. Maybe that is helping them. I knew an older couple whose daughter was born with severe disabilities, and they cared for her until she passed away in her late 30s. They were older by then, and they carried a picture of her in her coffin with them and had it out during church services. It’s a little disconcerting, but it’s none of my business. That being said, I think everyone has a right NOT to be confronted by another person’s grief, and I think the facebook feed is taking it too far. You couldn’t choose to look away until it was too late because it pops up. I would never say anything to them about it, and I am sure they are not necessarily thinking clearly given the sad circumstances, but no, I don’t think that’s a good choice.
Post # 6
I’ve never been pregnant, so obviously never lost a baby either. But I can’t even imagine what she’s going through.
I don’t think anyone can judge her actions, especially not those that haven’t lost a baby.
She’s grieving, people grieve in different ways.
Post # 7
This may be helping them during their grieving by acknowleding that this was their child, even though the baby didn’t live. It seems to be common for people to want to hide these tragedies never to be mentioned again. I don’t see it as being “off” that they felt the need to share these images on Facebook.
Post # 8
@julies1949: I totally get that but she is an extremely sheltered person, like she doesn’t talk to anyone (even before this happened) and hasn’t posted a status on her FB since her wedding which was almost 2 years ago. Then this? Like I said, I dont know what I would do in this situation, but I dont think I would want to share those pictures on FB.
Post # 9
I think taking a picture, sure, for the privacy of your home or album. But to post this on FB? I don’t know. I would think someone wouldn’t understand and comment saying something like “Congrats on the baby!” And that would just launch the grieving process back the the beginning. Poor couple. I feel bad for them.
Post # 10
@KaitlinHudson: My thoughts exactly!
@Amaryllis: I would NEVER say anything to them. The thing is, her husband doesnt have a FB and I highly doubt that he would be okay with her posting it. I’m kind of hoping someone tells him about it and he makes her take it down. I’m sure she just isn’t thinking clearly right now…
Post # 11
Being 1 week away from my 20th week I cannot imagine! I agree that theres no right or wrong way to grieve but there is an appropriate way. While we will never (hopefully) know what they are going through, they have no idea what posting something so awful might do to someone else watching. A dead baby is an incredible personal thing. Its perfectly normal to take pictures holding it and bonding but usually those photos are for a very personal keepsake. I do find it a little odd. Actually very odd. Facebook is so….public and “cold” maybe?? I just couldnt ever put my still born up like that.
Yes to each their own. But for me personally, theres no way. Way to heartbreaking to be made so public.
Post # 12
I can’t even begin to imagine what they must be feeling, and I suppose it is true that people cope in different ways. My biggest fear in this situation would be for someone who hasn’t been informed of the situation to come across the picture and make a comment about the arrival of their baby. It would be uncomfortable to say the least.
When I first read your post title, I was expecting for the pictures they posted to be graphic or distrubing of just a still born child, but after reading your post, I can see how a picture of them holding the baby together makes a little more sense. I don’t know if it is something I would, just considering it is very personal, but I have never even been close to that situation so I am sure it is very different being in their place.
Post # 13
Hmm this is kind of a tough one. One on hand I understand this is a form of the grieving process for them, but on the other hand, I find it just too personal to post on facebook. Although I think a lot of people post far too personal status comments, etc on facebook anyway. I feel for this friend of yours and their loss. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone, but I do think it is a bit too much to post on a social networking site. Just my opinion…
Post # 14
@UpstateCait: My husband and I just found out that I have ovarian problems and that any future pregnancy could be high risk I place myself in that couples life and imagine going through the 9 months all excited and to finally have it end so painfully.
I do not know if I would have gone that route but I might see why because they posted the photo grief, this baby was part of their family, and sharing their grief with others.
Post # 15
@beatriz: They were only 20 weeks along but I get what your saying…
Post # 16
I think it’s not comfortable for others to see, but I don’t think it’s totally beyond the pale. I can’t imagine how hard it would be to lose a baby, and to never even have a chance to celebrate its birth before you’re grieving its death. Maybe posting these photos is the parents’ way of doing just a little bith of both.