Warning my ex’s new girlfriend..should I?

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Should I get involved?
    NO WAY : (118 votes)
    74 %
    Say something..anonymously : (33 votes)
    21 %
    Tell her everything! : (9 votes)
    6 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    201 posts
    Helper bee

    In all honesty, I dont think its your place to say anything. It seems like you arent friends with this girl, and even if you were, I would advise caution on the subject. I’m sorry that this relationship that you had with him was so horrible and believe me, I totally understand! This girl will get defensive, and though you want to help, she wont care and will lash out against you. Do you know if this guy has changed at all? I know from experience that its not too likely that he has, but you dont know this. You are basing everything off of how he was with you (and it was horrible) but you cant automatically assume that he is the same way with her. I think that this is just one of those times where people have to learn for themselves. From what you wrote, it seems that you were the same way (and so was I!) It didnt matter what people said, and what he did to you, you always kept convincing yourself to go back to him and continue your relationship. Im glad that you are in the place that you are now with your Fiance and that you have obviously learned from this bad experience. Let her do the same. Oh- and dont talk to him anymore- just cutting off that last connection did wonders for me lol!! Good luck girl and stay focused on your now-fantastic life!!

    Post # 4
    Member
    14494 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I dated a guy for a while who did this to me then ended up hitting me.  I became friends with his ex and she never said anything.  If she had I may not have ended up with a broken nose.  (Side note – I never saw the guy again after that except in court).  I would not have been upset with her, but I am a very easy going drama free type of girl.  If it were me, I would tell her.  I would risk loosing a friend to help her, JMO.

    Post # 5
    Member
    201 posts
    Helper bee

    @tksjewelry I would totally agree with you 100% if I have actually met more people like you who wouldnt lash out on someone trying to warn them about a guy like that! Unfortunately, I have only encountered the opposite. Kuddos to you for being so mature and drama free!! I needed more friends like you when I was younger! Laughing

    Post # 6
    Member
    14494 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    @anabri09 – Younger, love it.  I am so showing that to the FH.  (I will be 39 this week) YYAAYY! Thanks!

    Post # 8
    Member
    14494 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    Sounds exactly like my ex. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    190 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    You can mention it, but it’s not very likely that it will make a difference. I mean think about it. When you were with your ex, I’m pretty sure you had an idea that he was a jerk, and if I were a betting woman, I’m pretty sure there were people in your life that told you to leave him….but you didn’t, that is until YOU were ready. Most people don’t heed warnings. If they did, the world would be full of a lot less silly people who have to learn things the hard way.

    If I were you and you  know this man is abusive, I would stay as far away from his new releationship and his life as possible. If you must say something, send an anonymous email to her via facebook or some other medium (create a fake account).

    Post # 10
    Member
    2512 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    I don’t think you should say anything.

    I was in a very similiar situation. My ex was physically, emotionally and verbally abusive. I left him and very soon afterwards he started a relationship with a very young girl (I’m talking 16/17 years old, around the same age he started dating me. Mind you, he was 24 when he started dating me). I felt that it was my place to warn her about everything and set things straight with her because I knew that he would lie about why we weren’t together. Long story short, I did end up calling her and telling her everything. He admitted to it. She stayed with him only to get her nose broken and eventually leave him.

    So me telling her really didn’t save her any pain or change her mind.

    Ask yourself this…. If someone warned you when you started dating him, would you have left? Probably not. You needed to see for yourself who he was.

    Post # 11
    Member
    14183 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2009

    I wouldn’t do anything–she’ll find out soon enough. And honestly if you did approach her, she’d likely think you were nutty bananas, tell the boyfriend, and he could easily come after you. If i had some lady contact me saying “he’s abusive!” i’d wonder wtf was wrong with her…until i saw it with my own eyes, ya know?

    Post # 12
    Member
    2512 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    @ejs4y8: Ya and chances are he will probably pull the “she is just saying this because she still wants to be with me”

    Post # 13
    Member
    971 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2008

    Do not get involved.  It might end poorly for you.  Let this girl find this out for herself. 

    Anyway, if I were in a “great relationship” with a guy, and nothing bad was going on, I doubt I’d believe anyone who warned me about him.  I’d think that they were cuckoo, jealous, wanted him back, or all of the above. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    3587 posts
    Sugar bee

    Don’t do it.

    Post # 15
    Member
    6394 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I think it would be risky for you to say something in case the guy finds out, but even if you could get a small warning to her, I think it would help. Maybe it will plant enough of a seed of doubt into her mind that she’ll be more careful around him and she’ll be able to see that he’s emotionally abusing her (if he is, which seems highly likely).

     

    Post # 16
    Member
    9111 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 2010

    Stay out of it!

     

    You are putting yourself at risk.  Would you have listened to one of his ex’s when you were in love with the guy?

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