- 8 years ago
- Wedding: December 2013
I’ve been thinking about posting this question for a while, but I’m not even convinced myself that I would actually follow through even if I decide it would be the “right” thing to do..so here it goes..
Should I warn my ex-boyfriend’s new girlfriend about how he treated me?
Before you think to yourself how crazy or stupid I am for even considering doing this, I’ll try my best to explain why.
First of all, I dated this creep for over 3 years…and in retrospect, the ONLY good thing that came out of that relationship was a crystal clear list of what I definitely didn’t want in a guy. (If you end up reading any of my other posts you’ll know I found my current boyfriend, who is amazing by the way 🙂 Anyways..The ex did all the standard emotional abuse things you think of, some of which included: isolating you from friends and family, not supportive of you being your own person, critical of everything you do..not to mention how much my family and friends hated him, how much we broke up and I swore to myself we wouldn’t get back together, and his parents being their own piece of work (his dad was physically abusive to his mom before he punched her in the face, thus resulting in a broken nose a divorce..so I kinda knew it was only a matter of time before he probably would lose his temper and do something crazy like that as well.) Somehow he even convinced me to move out of my parents house to live with him at his apartment when I couldn’t afford it, justifying it with “our relationship is better when other people aren’t getting in the way.” which I know translate that into “where I can trap you into a lease agreement so even if you want to leave me you’re not going to get out without a fight.”
And that’s seriously the tip of the iceberg… I could write a book on how bad it was. But I feel like that’s kinda enough to get where I’m coming from. So now I feel like I have a dilemma..Either I tell his new girlfriend about how this behavior escalated (because we all know these types of guys never start out acting this way, that’s how they initially trap you) which will obviously piss her off, and who knows what he’ll do if he finds out….OR….I don’t say anything, which is going to drive me crazy because I feel like I would have gone through all of that for nothing if I don’t at least give her some sort of warning!
So to give a little more insight about the situation..I was 18 when I started dating him, he was about to turn 24. We’ve been broken up for years, but we were still friends on facebook until recently when I deleted him. He would talk to me occasionally on chat, which would just upset me, but he did tell me a little about the girl he’s dating now though. He told me she’s a really good person (which makes me want to scream in her face GET OUT NOW!!!), he bought her a car (which to me just sounds like a way to TRAP her..like “you can’t leave me, I bought you your car!”), and they started living together like a few months into the relationship (uhh, creepy how similar my situation was with him..minus the car..lol)..Not that I’m trying to joke about the situation at all..It honestly terrifyes me. One of my biggest fears is not knowing how he would react if I sent her a message and he found out about it. I’m scared that either she would realize that he’s going down the same dark path he did with me, and potentially hurt her somehow..or he’d contact me (which is like the LAST thing in the world I want). Also, I feel like he’s possibly bipolar and he never went to therapy and is very hurt about what his dad did to his mom..OH and at least on one occasion his dad told him he regretted ever having him and basically wished he hadn’t been born..SOOOOOO F-ED UP).
This really was not originally intended to be such a long post, but I’ve never been this honest about how bad that relationship was until now..I’m glad I wrote all of this out even if nobody reads it. But the question still remains..should I keep my silence or say something?! This sucks so bad!!!