(Closed) WARNING–Whining ahead! (stress & uncertainty and not coping well)

posted 6 years ago in Proposals
Post # 3
Member
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think you should accept that your wedding won’t be this year, let him propose in his own time, and stop focusing on what “might” happen tomorrow or next month. It’s preventing you from fully enjoying the days you have today.

Post # 4
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Why August 26th? What would happen if none of the vendors you wanted were available that day? Pushing it back to September would give you more time and cooler weather. Just a thought!

IMO, you do have a say and it should be on your timeline as well.

Post # 6
Member
4194 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

Just breathe- I can tell your stress levels are way too high right now. I am so sorry about the loss of your friend. 

Keep in mind- if you are a bundle of stress, you’re going to inevitably take it out of him (it’s only natural), and he’s not going to propose if you’re a cranky bear- I’m saying this from personal experience.

I know the frustration of waiting- Fiance had said to me last year in Nov or Dec-“we’re getting married next year”- well then get your butt in gear, buddy! (Most men just don’t understand the planning/time involved.)

Crayfish has a good point- August 26th might not be available at this point. I never expected to get married in the middle of a hot Baltimore summer, but your venue dictates the date.

I think yoga will do you a world of wonders- it’s been a lifesaver for me this year (6-month proposal Jan to July, unemployed, family drama…) You *can* plan a wedding in 3-4 months, esp. if you’ve done a lot of the legwork up front, and if you’re good with making decisions and sticking with them.

If you can give yourself a little more time, I’ve been so happy with 6 months. We’re finalizing our caterer this week, and so May/June are going to be just fun, little things. This “transition” period in our relationship is pretty neat, and now that all the planning’s done, I’m enjoying just being engaged. πŸ™‚

Post # 7
Member
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Even if you “know” it’s coming “soon,” why set an artificial deadline by honing in on one specific date before the question’s even been asked? You won’t turn into a pumpkin if you’re not married by August. You’re creating pressure on yourself and there’s no benefit to that, only stress!

Post # 9
Member
5096 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’m so sorry to hear about all your recent troubles, particularly the loss of a friend. Is it possible you’re focusing your sadness/loss/anger/feelings of lack of control on this one thing? Because death, car accident, and health problems are all out of your control too, and in a much more devastating way.

Either way, that is just a lot to handle, and I’m so sorry. Hang in there.

Post # 11
Member
4194 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

I know you said the winter holidays were more expensive, but it might be worth considering. (If you’re in the US, is around Thanksgiving a possibility?) If you could do a Friday night or Saturday, you could have more guests, and you’d have a little more time.

I’ll be a first time bride at 40, so I *totally* understand not wanting to wait/ not making the big production over it- but so much is going on with you, that like mightywombat pointed out, is out of your control. I think your crying at yoga is a combination of ALL of the reasons you listed. With your recent health issues, you are understandably at the end of your reserves. I would worry that planning a wedding asap might be too much for you. “A lot of DIY” can mean a lot of stress for the bride- just keep that in mind (I think one of the advantages of having a short engagement is that I’m limiting the DIYs, so I don’t make myself crazy!) 

 

Post # 13
Member
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

If you’re sure he’s proposing, I’d just start calling venues.  Set a budget, figure out how many people you can invite, and make your guest list.  Call vendors, clear the dates with them, and get your checkbook ready to mail out all the deposits the day after he proposes!

Post # 15
Member
4194 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

Bookworm88 had a great idea about starting the guest list now- Pre-proposal I had an excel sheet with his family, my family, his friends, my friends. Was a great starting point.

There are a bunch of first timers in “40-something”, so we are not the only ones! πŸ™‚

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